Return To Health

Yoga

2012-01-05T09:50:00.000-08:00

Yoga means union or connection. It is an ancient practice that involves poses and postures and breath work as a means to "going inside" in a manner that promotes peace, a deeper relationship with oneself and an inner strength that is difficult for me to characterize but seems to be a seed of the ability to connect to others. Connection with the "divine" is among the possibilities with this practice when it is nurtured and pursued with consistency, intensity and with a longing for more than "just a physical experience".

While I am a novice in this practice, I can see the expansive possibilities which can evolve out of a devoted yoga practice. It seems to be a "way in" that can open the door to connection that I crave so much and see as vital to health and well-being. Connection with the outer world is important but I now see that connection with one's inner world makes the other both possible but more readily accessible.

Renewed

2011-12-28T06:29:00.000-08:00

What a difference a day can make. A little sleep, some good nature, beauty and exercise and the world has a whole new look and feel. Enthusiasm is truly the fruit of life. I wish you all an enthused day.

The Unconscious

2011-12-26T20:26:00.000-08:00

How does one unlock the unconscious? Does one talk to it? Introduce himself to it? Wait for it to speak or push it to open up?

I know there is infinity within the unconscious -- I just don't know how to tap into it. I want its knowledge, insight and secrets. I want a glimpse -- just for tonight.

Maybe

2011-12-26T17:08:00.000-08:00

I realize that the ladies of which I wrote earlier today are trapped in sadness for very good reason -- they have lost so much and just can't be happy in the midst of their mountains of loss. Duh? Of course. Why I want them to be ok so much is really the question that needs answering. Life is just not easy especially toward the end. Is that a fact or just the common perception? I guess what I want is there to be no prolonged pain. I want people to be able to adapt. Is that realistic? Is it possible? Is it even normal or desirable?

I have seen people have peace at the end of life; even at the very end. That is why I want to help people get there. I truly believe that it is not only more pleasant to have peace at the end but it is also "good for you". I personally believe in reincarnation and the "going on" of the spirit and I follow that belief with preparing for the transition as consciously and positively as possible so that one can be "launched" into the next life with as much power and punch as they can muster up. It will take them farther/higher/deeper. Where this takes them, I have no idea. But these are just beliefs that I have come to have through a lifetime of study and observation seen through the eyes of my perceptions. Is it real? I have no idea. I just believe what I believe. Writing and reading it make my theories and beliefs seem a bit crazy and certainly off base. It makes dying seem like a sport with prizes to be won and desirable levels to achieve. I believe I wandered away from the real sometime in my journey. Maybe I need to be more accepting and less judgmental of people. Is that the lesson? But people DO want peace. People do not want to accept suffering (why would they?).

Maybe acceptance brings peace. Duh again. Acceptance of all states even the negative emotions and pain itself. My ladies may not want to hear this; they want to feel better -- period! Can people have peace and even be happy at the end? What does it take to get there? Boy, do I feel confused. If I'm confused, how bout those sweet souls who have gone through it. Then again, when I think back, I realize the confusion and struggle do end -- in fact, they end together.

Connection: To others vs ourselves

2011-12-26T10:13:00.000-08:00

I have spent my life and career focused on the role of social connection in the maintenance of health. I am realizing that while this is certainly of premium importance that perhaps, it is contingent upon and based on an ability to connect with oneself. There are 2 older lady seniors that are on my radar that have led me to realize this critical fact. Both are loving, intelligent and worldly ladies. Both have reached their late 80's and struggle with a deep loneliness that repeatedly returns to haunt them in a painful manner. Both are "well-connected" in terms of either friends or relatives who love them dearly and "look after" them frequently and with an abiding love. However, neither can "hold" the feeling of love inside themselves ongoingly or consistently. This suffering is getting worse as they get older.

These 2 wonderful ladies bring up and challenge my mission in the medical realm. I believe from my core that love and perceived social connection are the critical ingredients to health. I have pioneered group medical visits and senior community groups as a means to combat the loneliness and isolation that often accompany aging. These communal groups are effective in achieving their goals of providing knowledge and options while instilling a sense of community. However, there is a subset of individuals who are not able to feel the connection or maintain the feeling. These individuals were often "only" children or separated by many years (i.e. over 8 to 10) from their siblings. In any case, there are individuals whose "tanks" are difficult or impossible to fill. These 2 ladies fall into this category.

So, what to do for these "at risk" individuals? Is there anything to do? Can they be taught the sense of connection that they missed as children? Can they be taught to access the feeling of connection and love that keeps people well and connected? I have thus far been unsuccessful in passing this capacity onto my 2 lady friends. So, how does one learn/develop this capacity? The answer, to me, lies in the spiritual realm. Not that God is required but a core feeling of connection and love that many access through their religions and/or relationship with a "higher power" seems to provide protection from loneliness and despair. In my 2 ladies situations, they both had relationships with a God earlier but their loneliness in recent years has led them both to forsake that relationship. In essence, they are both too wounded now to continue what may have sustained them earlier (while they were more engaged and active in life with spouses, children, careers). Both are resistant to return to their spirituality; conceivably, refusing the medicine that could relieve their suffering. I believe in their situations, it is not a conscious refusal of help but an unconscious rejection of all as their hurt has just become too large.

I am not at all saying that the answer is God or any divine being. I do believe, it is a connection with self that is deep and internal. Meditation could nurture this as well as connection with a divine being or nature. I believe what I am referring to is an internal sense of self love that is deep, strong and has endurance. Connection can come through science (?), nature, spiritual pursuits or interpersonal interaction. It likely has a multitude of origins and paths. It does not seem to be of the head (mind) but more of the heart (emotions and feelings) but I am not sure at all that this is a requirement. It is a longing and that is why I believe it does not evolve out of thinking but out of feeling. The real question is how to access this feeling when negative feelings (sadness, guilt, anger, fear) dominate one's consciousness. This is not just a challenge for the elderly but for all humans who go forth in this life. Aging provides time for existential reflection that can make these issues more intense but youth certainly can and does bring up these issues just in different forms (addictions, behaviors and dangerous lifestyles).

Inner peace is the issue and how to find it when it is not one's natural state is the challenge. For each individual, the path is different. However, the road leading "home" is through one's own heart not just through our associations with others or the world. How to open that connection is the key but that key is hidden until it is found.

Creating Dreams

2011-12-24T14:04:00.000-08:00

I am now hot on the track of creating what I have talked about for years now going on decades. There is struggle involved but I now realize that the resistance that lives inside me is my biggest nemesis. This is not unique to me but is universal and is termed the ego. It is a loud, persistent force that can shatter me with its negativity and fight. Everyone has to break through this resistive force if they have any desire of being creative or unique. I have allowed my ego to dominate me and hold me down for what feels like eons. That time is now over if I stay awake and stay focused. That is my intention. I expect to hear from the resistance frequently and with force. I realize I am in a war and I cannot relent. My soul is at stake and I very much want my soul to sing its song.

What If ??

2011-12-24T13:45:00.000-08:00

What if all the fear, resistance and wasting of time and energy just came to an end and dreams began to happen, doors began to open and life became free,easy and fun?

Oh Wow

2011-12-03T17:30:00.000-08:00

By now, most everyone has heard of the last few uttered words of Steve Jobs --

A Sister’s Eulogy for Steve Jobs

By MONA SIMPSON

Published: October 30, 2011

I grew up as an only child, with a single mother. Because we were poor and because I knew my father had emigrated from Syria, I imagined he looked like Omar Sharif. I hoped he would be rich and kind and would come into our lives (and our not yet furnished apartment) and help us. Later, after I’d met my father, I tried to believe he’d changed his number and left no forwarding address because he was an idealistic revolutionary, plotting a new world for the Arab people.

Even as a feminist, my whole life I’d been waiting for a man to love, who could love me. For decades, I’d thought that man would be my father. When I was 25, I met that man and he was my brother.
By then, I lived in New York, where I was trying to write my first novel. I had a job at a small magazine in an office the size of a closet, with three other aspiring writers. When one day a lawyer called me — me, the middle-class girl from California who hassled the boss to buy us health insurance — and said his client was rich and famous and was my long-lost brother, the young editors went wild. This was 1985 and we worked at a cutting-edge literary magazine, but I’d fallen into the plot of a Dickens novel and really, we all loved those best. The lawyer refused to tell me my brother’s name and my colleagues started a betting pool. The leading candidate: John Travolta. I secretly hoped for a literary descendant of Henry James — someone more talented than I, someone brilliant without even trying.
When I met Steve, he was a guy my age in jeans, Arab- or Jewish-looking and handsomer than Omar Sharif.
We took a long walk — something, it happened, that we both liked to do. I don’t remember much of what we said that first day, only that he felt like someone I’d pick to be a friend. He explained that he worked in computers.
I didn’t know much about computers. I still worked on a manual Olivetti typewriter.
I told Steve I’d recently considered my first purchase of a computer: something called the Cromemco.
Steve told me it was a good thing I’d waited. He said he was making something that was going to be insanely beautiful.
I want to tell you a few things I learned from Steve, during three distinct periods, over the 27 years I knew him. They’re not periods of years, but of states of being. His full life. His illness. His dying.
Steve worked at what he loved. He worked really hard. Every day.
That’s incredibly simple, but true.
He was the opposite of absent-minded.
He was never embarrassed about working hard, even if the results were failures. If someone as smart as Steve wasn’t ashamed to admit trying, maybe I didn’t have to be.
When he got kicked out of Apple, things were painful. He told me about a dinner at which 500 Silicon Valley leaders met the then-sitting president.Steve hadn’t been invited.
He was hurt but he still went to work at Next. Every single day.
Novelty was not Steve’s highest value. Beauty was.
For an innovator, Steve was remarkably loyal. If he loved a shirt, he’d order 10 or 100 of them. In the Palo Alto house, there are probably enough black cotton turtlenecks for everyone in this church.
He didn’t favor trends or gimmicks. He liked people his own age.
His philosophy of aesthetics reminds me of a quote that went something like this: “Fashion is what seems beautiful now but looks ugly later; art can be ugly at first but it becomes beautiful later.”
Steve always aspired to make beautiful later.
He was willing to be misunderstood.
Uninvited to the ball, he drove the third or fourth iteration of his same black sports car to Next, where he and his team were quietly inventing the platform on which Tim Berners-Lee would write the program for the World Wide Web.
Steve was like a girl in the amount of time he spent talking about love. Love was his supreme virtue, his god of gods. He tracked and worried about the romantic lives of the people working with him.
Whenever he saw a man he thought a woman might find dashing, he called out, “Hey are you single? Do you wanna come to dinner with my sister?”
I remember when he phoned the day he met Laurene. “There’s this beautiful woman and she’s really smart and she has this dog and I’m going to marry her.”
When Reed was born, he began gushing and never stopped. He was a physical dad, with each of his children. He fretted over Lisa’s boyfriends and Erin’s travel and skirt lengths and Eve’s safety around the horses she adored.
None of us who attended Reed’s graduation party will ever forget the scene of Reed and Steve slow dancing.
His abiding love for Laurene sustained him. He believed that love happened all the time, everywhere. In that most important way, Stevewas never ironic, never cynical, never pessimistic. I try to learn from that, still.
Steve had been successful at a young age, and he felt that had isolated him. Most of the choices he made from the time I knew him were designed to dissolve the walls around him. A middle-class boy from Los Altos, he fell in love with a middle-class girl from New Jersey. It was important to both of them to raise Lisa, Reed, Erin and Eve as grounded, normal children. Their house didn’t intimidate with art or polish; in fact, for many of the first years I knew Steve and Lo together, dinner was served on the grass, and sometimes consisted of just one vegetable. Lots of that one vegetable. But one. Broccoli. In season. Simply prepared. With just the right, recently snipped, herb.
Even as a young millionaire, Steve always picked me up at the airport. He’d be standing there in his jeans.
When a family member called him at work, his secretary Linetta answered, “Your dad’s in a meeting. Would you like me to interrupt him?”
When Reed insisted on dressing up as a witch every Halloween, Steve, Laurene, Erin and Eve all went wiccan.
They once embarked on a kitchen remodel; it took years. They cooked on a hotplate in the garage. The Pixar building, under construction during the same period, finished in half the time. And that was it for the Palo Alto house. The bathrooms stayed old. But — and this was a crucial distinction — it had been a great house to start with; Steve saw to that.
This is not to say that he didn’t enjoy his success: he enjoyed his success a lot, just minus a few zeros. He told me how much he loved going to the Palo Alto bike store and gleefully realizing he could afford to buy the best bike there.
And he did.
Steve was humble. Steve liked to keep learning.
Once, he told me if he’d grown up differently, he might have become a mathematician. He spoke reverently about colleges and loved walking around the Stanford campus. In the last year of his life, he studied a book of paintings by Mark Rothko, an artist he hadn’t known about before, thinking of what could inspire people on the walls of a future Apple campus.
Steve cultivated whimsy. What other C.E.O. knows the history of English and Chinese tea roses and has a favorite David Austin rose?
He had surprises tucked in all his pockets. I’ll venture that Laurene will discover treats — songs he loved, a poem he cut out and put in a drawer — even after 20 years of an exceptionally close marriage. I spoke to him every other day or so, but when I opened The New York Times and saw a feature on the company’s patents, I was still surprised and delighted to see a sketch for a perfect staircase.
With his four children, with his wife, with all of us, Steve had a lot of fun.
He treasured happiness.
Then, Steve became ill and we watched his life compress into a smaller circle. Once, he’d loved walking through Paris. He’d discovered a small handmade soba shop in Kyoto. He downhill skied gracefully. He cross-country skied clumsily. No more.
Eventually, even ordinary pleasures, like a good peach, no longer appealed to him.
Yet, what amazed me, and what I learned from his illness, was how much was still left after so much had been taken away.
I remember my brother learning to walk again, with a chair. After his liver transplant, once a day he would get up on legs that seemed too thin to bear him, arms pitched to the chair back. He’d push that chair down the Memphis hospital corridor towards the nursing station and then he’d sit down on the chair, rest, turn around and walk back again. He counted his steps and, each day, pressed a little farther.
Laurene got down on her knees and looked into his eyes.
“You can do this, Steve,” she said. His eyes widened. His lips pressed into each other.
He tried. He always, always tried, and always with love at the core of that effort. He was an intensely emotional man.
I realized during that terrifying time that Steve was not enduring the pain for himself. He set destinations: his son Reed’s graduation from high school, his daughter Erin’s trip to Kyoto, the launching of a boat he was building on which he planned to take his family around the world and where he hoped he and Laurene would someday retire.
Even ill, his taste, his discrimination and his judgment held. He went through 67 nurses before finding kindred spirits and then he completely trusted the three who stayed with him to the end. Tracy. Arturo. Elham.
One time when Steve had contracted a tenacious pneumonia his doctor forbid everything — even ice. We were in a standard I.C.U. unit. Steve, who generally disliked cutting in line or dropping his own name, confessed that this once, he’d like to be treated a little specially.
I told him: Steve, this is special treatment.
He leaned over to me, and said: “I want it to be a little more special.”
Intubated, when he couldn’t talk, he asked for a notepad. He sketched devices to hold an iPad in a hospital bed. He designed new fluid monitors and x-ray equipment. He redrew that not-quite-special-enough hospital unit. And every time his wife walked into the room, I watched his smile remake itself on his face.
For the really big, big things, you have to trust me, he wrote on his sketchpad. He looked up. You have to.
By that, he meant that we should disobey the doctors and give him a piece of ice.
None of us knows for certain how long we’ll be here. On Steve’s better days, even in the last year, he embarked upon projects and elicited promises from his friends at Apple to finish them. Some boat builders in the Netherlands have a gorgeous stainless steel hull ready to be covered with the finishing wood. His three daughters remain unmarried, his two youngest still girls, and he’d wanted to walk them down the aisle as he’d walked me the day of my wedding.
We all — in the end — die in medias res. In the middle of a story. Of many stories.
I suppose it’s not quite accurate to call the death of someone who lived with cancer for years unexpected, but Steve’s death was unexpected for us.
What I learned from my brother’s death was that character is essential: What he was, was how he died.
Tuesday morning, he called me to ask me to hurry up to Palo Alto. His tone was affectionate, dear, loving, but like someone whose luggage was already strapped onto the vehicle, who was already on the beginning of his journey, even as he was sorry, truly deeply sorry, to be leaving us.
He started his farewell and I stopped him. I said, “Wait. I’m coming. I’m in a taxi to the airport. I’ll be there.”
“I’m telling you now because I’m afraid you won’t make it on time, honey.”
When I arrived, he and his Laurene were joking together like partners who’d lived and worked together every day of their lives. He looked into his children’s eyes as if he couldn’t unlock his gaze.
Until about 2 in the afternoon, his wife could rouse him, to talk to his friends from Apple.
Then, after awhile, it was clear that he would no longer wake to us.
His breathing changed. It became severe, deliberate, purposeful. I could feel him counting his steps again, pushing farther than before.
This is what I learned: he was working at this, too. Death didn’t happen to Steve, he achieved it.
He told me, when he was saying goodbye and telling me he was sorry, so sorry we wouldn’t be able to be old together as we’d always planned, that he was going to a better place.
Dr. Fischer gave him a 50/50 chance of making it through the night.
He made it through the night, Laurene next to him on the bed sometimes jerked up when there was a longer pause between his breaths. She and I looked at each other, then he would heave a deep breath and begin again.
This had to be done. Even now, he had a stern, still handsome profile, the profile of an absolutist, a romantic. His breath indicated an arduous journey, some steep path, altitude.
He seemed to be climbing.
But with that will, that work ethic, that strength, there was also sweetSteve’s capacity for wonderment, the artist’s belief in the ideal, the still more beautiful later.
Steve’s final words, hours earlier, were monosyllables, repeated three times.
Before embarking, he’d looked at his sister Patty, then for a long time at his children, then at his life’s partner, Laurene, and then over their shoulders past them.
Steve’s final words were:
OH WOW. OH WOW. OH WOW.

Mona Simpson is a novelist and a professor of English at the University of California, Los Angeles. She delivered this eulogy for her brother,Steve Jobs, on Oct. 16 at his memorial service at the Memorial Church of Stanford University.

In my mind this "concept" changes everything. It is the oft-repeated tale of the "near death experience" -- seeing the light. Going into the beauty. Spectacular peace. People who come back from this exposure are reportedly radically changed --- peaceful, non-judgmental, accepting, happier, in the moment, less or no fear.

I told my senior group this story and gave them the story to read. I truly believe it made big shifts in people. I will never be able to test/prove that but.... What if we could convince the world that death was not bad/ the enemy or anything to be afraid of. Everything in the senior years would be different/ better. The paradigm would change.

Hidden Secrets

2011-12-03T17:22:00.000-08:00

What is the value of releasing a "hidden secret" that has been buried for years? Can it be measured? What is the physiology of such an endeavor? What can happen if we lose our buried guilt or shame? What happens when we grieve years after our initial loss? Can you still get to peace and equanimity? Can a chronically fearful and worried mind find calm? What makes these miracles happen? How can we maximize their frequency and evolution?

Connecting on a New and Higher Level

2011-10-26T15:35:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, my Del Mar Senior Health Forum met for our regularly scheduled bi-monthly meeting. We started as we routinely do with Tai Chi and Xi Gong led by Matt Szymczak for the first 30 minutes. This was followed by a 10 minute meditation also led by Matt. These 2 activities are both enjoyed by our group and provide a calm center for us to start our group interaction and discussion.

We then proceeded into our conversation of the day. In the past, we used this time for educational lectures on a variety of topics related to aging, working through the health challenges of the senior years and creating a "good" end of life but over the last several sessions, we have left the educational/teaching format behind and have ventured into open, interactive dialogue exploring the concept of emotional connection. All members of the group are encouraged to participate but are not required to do so. We are attempting to get out of using our time as an intellectual pursuit of knowledge and moving toward an experiential, bonding experience (out of our heads and into our hearts).

The group is truly a remarkable group of human-beings who are taking to this new style and approach and embracing it. Yesterday was remarkable in a number of different ways. People were very open, honest and real. There were not any efforts to "fix" anybody with quick suggestions. Most everyone in the group spoke and spoke from their hearts and not just their thoughts. True feelings were verbalized and shared. One member expressed frustration with a situation in her life that she did not know how to handle and the group was open to her struggle and helpful in taking her away from a defensive, reactive position to a more compassionate and tolerant approach. Each and every one seemed able to empathize with the difficulty and gravity of the situation and refrained from trying to "fix" her or her relationship to the situation. It was simply a safe place for her to work through very difficult and intense emotional feelings.

Another member shared something that she had felt guilty about for many years (actually decades). Again, no one tried to take away her pain but genuine empathy seemed to fill the room and I believe and hope that the "bottled up" negative feeling that she had held inside for so long was processed in a different way with a slightly different perspective. The situation was not altered but hopefully her relationship shifted just a little bit or enough to give her a bit of peace with it.

In all, we covered enormous territory in my opinion. The room feels "safe" and that makes all the difference. These brave warriors have had amazing lives and sharing themselves with each other seems to bring about a warmth that, too often, is just not available in "regular" life.

The goal of it all -- the meditation, tai chi and xi gong, and the group interaction is peace. Peace in their minds and peace in their bodies. I truly believe we are on the right path.

Now We're Getting Somewhere

2011-10-26T14:41:00.000-07:00

What Parkinson's Teaches Us About The Brain

This is a fantastic new discovery. Rigorous exercise (pushing beyond comfort) can prevent Parkinson's. Some might say "duh"; we have known in our hearts for years that exercise is good for us. This new research makes it all the more real. It expands what we intuitively know (exercise is good for both the mind and the body) and entices us to take true care of ourselves. In addition, it shows us the power of rigor and effort (above comfort and simple movement).

One of the most dreaded and feared health conditions can be averted with persistent and determined discipline. Of course, we don't know as fact that Alzheimer's and other neurodegenerative conditions can also be prevented through aggressive and persistent attention to living a healthy lifestyle but then again, we already know that exercise and social interaction are preventative factors for our worst fear. Yes, the mechanisms are far from clear. However, brilliant minds will uncover this in time. The bottom line is we do not need to understand mechanism; we only really need to know, understand and then ongoingly act in line with our wisdom.

Herein lies the challenge: Can we honor ourselves enough to care for our bodies and minds in ways that will give us health, happiness, and longevity? The challenge is being able to do for ourselves what we know we should do.

A New Paradigm for Chronic Disease

2011-10-14T07:31:00.000-07:00

Chronic disease is an entirely different entity than acute illness or disability. The key differentiating point is that chronic disease becomes "entangled" in a tornado of "host factors" complicating the body manifestation of the problem. It is these host factors that make it (1) more difficult to eradicate with the miracles of modern technology and pharmacology and (2) require an entirely different theoretical framework (paradigm) to approach and cure. It is possible to cure or significantly improve chronic disease but the approach is entirely different.

While acute illness (ie infection) can be eradicated with implementation of a correct antibiotic or a diseased appendix can be cured with surgical removal, chronic conditions (those present for over 3-6 months) require a much broader, more holistic, deeper investigation and approach. The reason for this requirement is that when a problem becomes entrenched in a body, it becomes enmeshed with the host in a variety of ways that is often unique to the host's individual's styles and patterns for living but is also a universal reaction to distress and system upset.

The host factors which complicate the quandry of chronic disease include: lifestyle routine (habits), emotions and feelings, core beliefs (which may not be consciously known to the individual), perceived and true support system, knowledge of one's condition, access to care (medical, psychological and spiritual), self-esteem and self-efficacy, internal sense of spirituality and connection to the world and one's support system, and the capacity to be open and vulnerable.

This is a daunting list and exactly the reason that modern medicine is struggling both financially and in regard to successfully managing this enormous and pervasive entity. Modern medicine is still aggressively trying to care for chronic disease with the acute disease paradigm. Modern medicine is successful at managing acute illness; it is however, overmatched and overwhelmed with the task of managing, conceivably curing or at least controlling the world of chronic disease and disability. It is for this reason that a new paradigm is absolutely required and must be developed soon before our world is overrun with its magnitude and scope.

The first step in tackling this giant "elephant in the room" is to acknowledge that we have to have a new approach. We must accept that our current framework (applying the principles and miracles of acute care medicine to chronic disease) does not work and must be changed.

The second step is to recognize that healing chronic illness involves healing ourselves and not necessarily being healed by a "quick" solution such as a medicine or procedure. Thus, a deep look into who we are, how we feel about ourselves, how we express ourselves, how we live, what we believe, who we count on and confide in, and how we relate to our world ALL matter.

Next, realizing that all these critical "host" factors can be changed, updated and made more healthful and health-promoting is at the core of healing. We cannot continue to live the same life if we want different results.

Of course, the mechanism to allow each of us as individuals and all of us as a society and world to accomplish such seemingly enormous change must be developed, implemented and disseminated. While the task seems daunting, it really is not. The path to change comes out of human relationship. We cannot change unless we open ourselves to new perspectives and new perspectives evolve out of connection with our fellow humans.

Now, trying to change concretized ways of being does not happen in the current model of modern medicine -- brief, focused interactions with healthcare providers who are over-taxed and struggling to manage their own overwhelming "plates". Change evolves out of a nurturing, safe space where one feels comfortable to reveal who they really are and what prevents them from being who they want to be. First and foremost, this requires time. Second, it requires a sense of peace and and calm and acceptance. Third, it requires wisdom; a wisdom that does not necessarily come from a brilliant authority figure but a wisdom that comes from a group of human-beings who are working on a common goal (healing heart disease or managing aging or curing chronic pain).

Thus, the new paradigm for healing chronic illness is a group setting with individuals with a common condition or situation led by an open individual or ideally by two (or more) individuals with complementary strengths and skills.

Models for this approach have been in existence for eons. AA has been a gateway to help millions of people locked in the grip of alcololism. The Dean Ornish program for Reversing Heart Disease demonstrated to the world that heart disease (the number one killer of Americans) can be reversed and transcended with a comprehensive, holistic, loving, connecting approach which involves yoga, healthy eating, daily exercise and a group process. These are only 2 examples of successful (although not perfect) programs that can lead people back to health. They both provide a group process, a spiritual path and a communal movement and commitment toward healing.

This philosophy and style is ready to be available to all the world that wants and needs to heal. Let's start the conversation(s) -- we are ready.

Chronic Disease Model

2011-10-12T19:10:00.001-07:00

Must include:

Lifestyle routine

Emotions/Feelings --guilt, shame, sadness, fear, pain, self scorn, perceived approval/disapproval, wounds

Habits -- Exercise, chemicals (alcohol, cigs, drugs), TV, Food,

Beliefs/ Wounds/ Perceptions

Support System -- both perceived and real

Knowledge

Access -- financial, location, resources,

Self-esteem and self-efficacy

Spiritual/ Connection

Openness/ Vulnerability

A Different Approach to Spirituality and Religion

2011-10-06T10:23:00.000-07:00

From Khalil Ghibran:

"Your daily life is your temple and your religion. When you enter into it, take with you your all."

The Medical Paradigm(s)

2011-10-05T11:50:00.000-07:00

Modern medicine is built around the concept that was developed during the last century for treating acute illness. This paradigm (theoretical framework) evolved after the invention of penicillin (and as a product of the industrial revolution) and grew exponentially into a giant industry which has been remarkably successful (and often miraculous). The fundamental principle which drives this paradigm is that acute body illness can be cured with a medicine, procedure (surgery, radiation, or physical manipulation). This paradigm applies to standard medicine and also to many of the "alternative/complementary" approaches such as chiropractic care, massage or even acupuncture. You come in injured, sick or wounded (body) and we (the medical industrial complex) can fix you.

Great. Spectacular. God are we lucky to be alive during this time of remarkable capacity. It is truly awesome how widespread and disseminated the knowledge and power of this paradigm is in a remarkably short period of time (about 70-80 years).

The challenge now is to continue to develop, disseminate and perfect this framework for the treatment of acute body disability while recognizing that this paradigm is NOT the answer for chronic suffering and illness. The modern medical machine wants so much to use its miraculous tools to fix this entirely different entity. However, chronic illness is not anything like acute illness. They are completely different animals. The miracles of modern medicine do not cure, fix or even truly address the challenges of chronic disease.

This is where a new paradigm has to evolve. Of course, a new paradigm is necessary; the problem is completely different. We have to start from scratch and first define this other entity (chronic disease/suffering) and then build an entirely new paradigm to address it.

Definition of Paradigm From Wikipedia

2011-10-02T14:59:00.000-07:00

The word has come to refer very often now to a thought pattern in any scientific discipline or other epistemological context. The Merriam-Webster Online dictionary defines this usage as "a philosophical and theoretical framework of a scientific school or discipline within which theories, laws, and generalizations and the experiments performed in support of them are formulated;broadly: a philosophical or theoretical framework of any kind."

New Direction

2011-10-01T21:37:00.000-07:00

I have used this website for several purposes. First, I used it to discover the magic of the internet and the power of cyber-connection. I realized my love of writing and found my voice. Next, I documented my own personal healing which was a combination of the miracle of technological advance with the development of a new perception of an old malady. I then documented my "comeback" and return to health and well-being and the wide variety of learning and experiences which facilitated my steady progress. Next, I used the site to help me create a vision of the doctor I wanted to be and the practice I wished to offer. More recently, I have continued to clarify my thoughts and feelings on the essential components of healing.

Now, I wish to again re-focus and concentrate on what I believe from my deepest knowing to be the new paradigm in medicine. I have worked in and studied our "broken" system and love it for the miracles it has brought and continues to bring. However, there is a whole new world arising and healing is happening. We have an opportunity to tie together ancient healing wisdom and allow it to be delivered globally and clearly to our entire planet through miraculous technological evolution. Our challenge is to realize and remember the wisdom and utilize the technology (not allow it to be the master).

These are truly magical times. Let the games begin!

Technology

2011-09-20T13:17:00.000-07:00

We live in truly remarkable times. Nearly every day, there is something new technologically which makes life easier and often better. Smart phone technology is racing forward providing miraculous power in the palm of your hand. The full power of the internet is now available 24/7 in almost all locations. Medical "apps" are providing instant access to "libraries" of knowledge and insight. Soon (actually already available), you can have an EKG and echocardiogram of your heart through a smart phone on command. The XBOX 360 Kinect program is making home exercise, yoga, Tai Chi available at all times with ongoing interactive, helpful feedback built in and remarkably effective.

There is truly nothing that seems impossible. The race is on to bring all of this miraculous technology to an ever-growing market. This technology costs but will be available globally and universally for remarkably reasonable investment. Connection between people is now unlimited by time and space. The ability for people to develop, maintain and enhance ongoing relationships has been advanced infinitely with social networking, texting, etc. The world seems to have no limits.

However, the ongoing miracle of technology does have some ceiling. Despite, the seeming infinite power and capacities now available and soon to be available, life is still life and has inherent boundaries. We all still age and get old. We all still need emotional connection (not just access to dialogue). We all have "the human monkey mind" to wrestle with. Humans still are more than willing to go to war with others who see things differently. Knowledge and technology are powerful vehicles but life is more. Life is still lived from the heart and humans need some things that technology can never provide nor enhance.

Technology makes for a dramatic and totally-engrossing life but in the end, life is still about love and the heart and the spirit. An "app" for enhancing consciousness, peace, awareness and true connection is the true work of the day. Now, that would be an invention.

A Poem from a Client

2011-09-14T17:08:00.000-07:00

Who is the Shuffle Master?

One day I woke up only to find

The voices I heard were not really mine

They came from tapes in the distant past

Who would have thought time would allow them to last.

Fear of death and no self belief

Why was I dealt these Cards of Grief?

Why was I chosen?

I’ve always been kind

Who was the Shuffle Master

Of the cards in my mind ?

Then a precious, gently soul took my hand

Guided me to a mirror and said “now stand”

As I stared at the reflection

Clarity I came to see,

The Shuffle Master

Of the cards has always been me.

Now the truth is out

And setting myself free will be determined by

Which cards I keep

Or forever let be.

Taking the Trip Down from the Head to the Heart

2011-09-14T16:20:00.000-07:00

I have spent my life studying, learning and trying to understand the way things work. I make my living with talking through problems. I have always thought and believed the mind to be central to my being and the key to human health and healing.

While I still value my mind, brain and thinking capacity, I am quickly coming to a new perspective. I have come to recognize that healing happens through the heart (not the mind) and that feelings (and their expression) are truly the vehicles for healing and transformation.

Thinking and thoughts are important parts of being human and powerful capacities but the "shifts" that allow people to return to health and happiness as well as create new things, evolve out of expressions of deep emotion (like crying). While I have spent my life trying to "figure things out", all this has led to is endless thinking, thought, rumination and obsession. One deep release of emotion does way more for a person than years and decades of thinking. I am learning this with myself and with my clients. I fully realize that this is NOT the "manly" nor the "medical" way. I wish it was not true -- it just is.

Feeling feelings is the path to freedom. Releasing feelings is the road to breaking out of stuck places. Movement happens with emotional expression not thoughts. The lights are coming on as thinking is taking its new, lower place on my priority list. The "feeling" heart is our gift and ticket back to health.

Connection

2011-09-14T15:35:00.000-07:00

From the core of my being, I have believed that connection with self and others is the key to health and happiness. I have spent my medical career focusing on those that are disconnected. Widows, widowers, seniors, isolated individuals because of medical illness or their own choice have always been on my radar screen. Why? I am not sure -- I just have always felt a sensitivity for these people.

As I do my work and build my practice, I believe I am getting closer to making headway with these folks. Speaking their language and being comfortable in the dialogue are essential. "The way in is through" applies to this situation as openness and frankness seems far more helpful than skirting the issue.

In truth, I believe, we all have the tendency to isolate and "wall ourselves off" when we do not feel physically or emotionally well. The fact is that we ARE separate individuals in separate bodies despite the truth that "we are all one". The beginning of healing, to me, is re-connection. All sorts of paths appear when one rejoins the herd and allows his or her heart to open and be touched.

Yesterday in my senior group in Del Mar, we began a conversation about connection and breaking down the barriers to meeting that goal. People spoke openly and honestly about the pain they feel and have felt. There was no chit-chat or superficiality -- it was real. There weren't quick-fix solutions or easy answers -- there was only open, vulnerable people being themselves.

We meditated at the start of the group -- slowing down our minds and getting in touch with our hearts. We sat in a circle and went around the circle sharing our thoughts and feelings on the subject of connection. Some focused on how they get and feel connected while others expressed what has caused them to feel disconnected. At the end, we joined hands and allowed physical and emotional connection to come into us.

The feeling afterward was one of gratitude and peace. I appreciated the group for being so open, honest and real. They seemed genuinely closer than they were before. There is much more communication and learning to be done and pain to be shared but we went through a door that I believe in my heart leads to all good things.

Time Out

2011-09-09T12:18:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was an amazing day in San Diego -- a county-wide power outage which shut down our thriving metropolis. I was "fortunate enough" to be a long way from home in North County in paralyzed traffic but with no urgent need to get anywhere. Not being very tolerant of traffic, I pulled off and stopped at a local park in Vista. Amidst the full-fledged craziness on the road and all over the county, I spent 4 hours in a quiet park in the shade under a tree. I met a really nice guy (Raymond) who found refuge from the craziness at the same spot. We talked for several hours and while he has a very different life from me, we connected in a real way. After the the sun had set, I ventured home amidst minimal traffic. The world was "eerily quiet" on my arrival home and Grace was already asleep.

The quiet and the radical change from everyday life was powerful for me. It made me reflect in a way I don't usually do effectively and made life seem clearer. The "forced quiet" made me remember who I am and why I am here and appreciate both. I am really glad I chose to get out of the craziness and take a time out.

Today, life seems a little different; a little less frenetic and a bit brighter. It is such an amazing life and I forget this truth way too often. The power went out and took with it my "monkey mind" for a brief and very rejuvenating moment.

The Heart of Healing

2011-09-04T14:25:00.000-07:00

In my current model of helping people with their medical challenges, I have the opportunity to see things with "new" eyes. As I am not rushed, I can fully explore peoples' challenges from a medical, emotional and spiritual perspective. The results are fascinating and very worthy of sharing as I believe that "true" solutions can and do arise and major shifts can evolve. It is truly exciting.

At the core of my recent revelations is the age-old concept of "separation". We are separate people living in separate bodies living separate lives. Yes, this is undoubtedly true. However, some of us are particularly and quite strongly affected by this truth. Most notably, when life slows down as in the senior years or with illness or injury, loneliness can creep in (or storm in) and intensify and complicate the situation.

Many people are not adversely affected by being alone. People who received love and value from both of their parents, people from large, loving families, those whose life situations in their early youth were not defined by absence or neglect often can go through their entire lives without feeling the deep ache of loneliness. For others, being alone (or perceiving oneself as such) is an ongoing and recurrent life theme. It may not be a daily thought or feeling but when it comes up, it comes up hard and often in a hidden and dark form (illness, emotional distress, or chemical dependence).

It is NOT the purpose of this writing to overwhelm, depress or create suffering. Actually, quite the opposite. I truly believe that if this challenge (working with the root of suffering -- loneliness) along with the body or mind manifestation that is occurring can bring healing and restore health.

When someone carries with them a "core feeling of being separate and alone in the world", I believe that they then create their life to match this painful feeling. They push away love, support, caring and all the ingredients which make life rich and fulfilling. This may manifest as truly being alone or it also can be being alone in a "crowded room" (married but "walled off", surrounded by friends and family but feeling unknown and uncared for).

So how does one get to this place? I believe it starts in the early years (birth to age 6). The brain gets "hard-wired" for being alone and gets to feel comfortable in this deeply painful state. Life experiences later may compound this feeling but I believe the "wiring" is set early. Once the wiring is laid down, life tends to strengthen and re-inforce this wound. We create our lives around this core feeling; we keep ourselves separate even though connection is our food.

BUT, this is why we came to this great life -- to heal. People with this core wound have a mission and purpose and it is to re-connect with the one, the ever-present love and heal our wounded hearts. This is not small stuff; it is the meaning of life, the reason we were born. We are meant to heal and to be happy and to be loved but first, we must wake-up, become aware of our wound and then (and only then) can we get well.

The answer is not in a pill or from the medical world at all. It is not even in a support group (although that is heading in the right direction). The shift is all internal. It does not start from outside of us even in the form of loving people (although, that may be part of the solution down the road). The healing comes from inside when we realize our separateness and make a conscious, ongoing effort to "open the shade and let the light in". We have to open our hearts--the love is everywhere around us. Nature is love; people are love; this world is running over with love. It is our job (and the purpose of our lives) to let our hearts absorb and feel the love which is everywhere. We have to allow it in. It will take immense courage at the outset to open our hearts (we have been shut down for years and maybe lifetimes) but when we commit to taking responsibility for our own happiness by making this internal shift, it changes everything. We will have to "stay awake" and find ways to remember but connection will now be our companion wherever we go.

This is NOT about thinking... It is about feeling. We can't figure our way into or out of this...it is through the heart. It is a choice -- open or closed. Let love in or keep it out.

New Age Drivel or Truth

2011-08-02T08:07:00.000-07:00

I speak a different language than most of my doctor peers. I used to hide this and feel embarrassed by my unscientific, feeling approach. Now that I am "unattached" and working on my own, this style comes forth freely. When did the words "love" and "spirit" and "beliefs" and "fear" and "loneliness" become unacceptable in healing circles? These words and their many synonyms and antonyms are at the core of healing and health. These words are the true language of getting well and must be looked at, felt, processed and allowed to move through us so that we can make shifts in our being that precede healing.

In this awesome modern age of high tech solutions to medical issues, there is a tendency to dismiss these innate human feelings. It is certainly less messy when we can just take a pill or let an expert cut out our ailment. It is downright hard to sit with negative feelings like shame, guilt, sadness, fear or anger. So why do it?

Emotions and feelings make us human. They are at our core and they do accompany us wherever we go whether we like it or not. Not acknowledging feelings is like not putting gas in your car. Stuffed feelings eventually surface and make us look at them or feel them. Feeling them as they come up (as opposed to looking at them in hindsight or burying them forever) gives us a freedom and spontaneity that is just not possible when we become insensitive to their calls. There are an infinite number of ways to not feel our feelings -- drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, TV, food, over-working, compulsive exercise, positive thinking, reactive behavior patterns (like anger or irritability) and many, many more.

Contrary to common belief, we CAN learn to be with and work with our feelings. It sometimes is a learning process especially if it has never been done before. However, it can be done if one allows it, wants it and is willing to struggle through the initial clumsiness and awkwardness of a new and novel approach. The prize is freedom. When we don't have to use our energy to actively and compulsively avoid and stuff feelings, we open to the miracle of life. We see with new eyes and come to the plate open to all that the world has to offer. Amazingly, by facing the dark, we come to see the light.

Change

2011-08-02T08:00:00.000-07:00

The ocean temperature dropped approximately 10 degrees from over 70 to about 60 over the last 2 days. Amazing shift. I believe the cause is called "upwelling".

If the largest body of water on the planet can change dramatically in a short time, then humans must have a capacity for change also. We are not stiff, rigid vessels stuck in our skeletons. We are fluid, dynamic creations ready to change when the opportunity arises.

Namaste, Bula and Good Day

2011-06-15T17:43:00.000-07:00

Grace and I had the good fortune to go to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico this past weekend for our friends and landlords Grant and Jacqueline's wedding. It was a beautiful setting and they are a truly beautiful couple.

I was truly struck by the greeting that each and every employee of the hotel offered. Upon passing or engaging in conversation, the ritual was to cover the heart with the right hand and give a slight bow to the head. No words were spoken but a warmth flowed out of this simple gesture that was palpable and real. It made me want to respond similarly and made me feel good each and every time it was offered.

Other cultures have similar greetings. Namaste is spoken in the Indian culture and is associated with a bringing of the hands together with the fingers pointed upward. Namaste means "the divinity in me bows to the divinity in you". In Fiji, the universal greeting is Bula or Bula Bula and is accompanied by a warm and full smile. I recall the energy of this greeting and very much liked the warmth it engendered in me as I made my way through the their beautiful islands.

It seems so simple but these greetings truly change the way people initiate contact. We need this! This is the way to live in my opinion. It may not change the world but it is a really good and really real start.

Estranged

2011-06-02T14:59:00.000-07:00

Not many words bring up such a visceral response in me and others as "estranged". To me, not much is more disheartening as when 2 people who formerly shared love and some level of relationship become estranged. Estranged goes beyond dislike and even hatred. Estranged basically says that 2 people cannot maintain any level of relationship.

On a recent hospice house call, I met a very warm and bright 90 year old who was doing ok medically (though certainly with challenges). I had time to talk more than is customary in a "re-certification visit" and she was engaging and quite pleasant to converse with. I always enjoy talking to "wise" seniors who are fortunate enough to have maintained their wits about them. She had lived a long and full life with a general sense of gratitude and a feeling that she was blessed.

However, when I asked her what I could "really" do for her, she shared with me her pain. She had raised 2 children -- a son and daughter. She was very connected to her son who lived next door and was very supportive to her. Her daughter lived in Oregon and they had not spoken or seen each other for 17 years. I was shocked to hear this as she seemed remarkably pleasant and a good communicator. She related the issues that created their separation and their efforts to heal the rift. She did not cry as she told her story and the wound was obviously quite chronic and "solidified".

Being the person I am (sensitive but naive and maybe too bold), I offered to call her daughter in an effort to guide them to healing their separation. I spoke to her daughter at length and found her also to be bright, articulate, and pleasant. She was unemotional also and quite clear in her desire to stay estranged from her mother. Apparently, my patient and her husband had had a very "rocky" marriage with much fighting and periods apart. The daughter was more like the husband and much more connected to her dad than to her mom. There were clearly delineated "issues" that both parties felt aligned with and it had just gotten to be too painful to continue their relationship.

Now there are obviously a multitude of details that I don't know and don't understand. They are both strongly aligned with their faiths (both Christians) with a strong belief in God, forgiveness and love. They both are in relationship with the daughter's kids and other common family members. However, for them (and the daughter in particular), continuing their relationship was just too painful so they became and have stayed "estranged".

I would like to say the story has a happy ending but it does not (at least, not yet). The daughter had no interest in re-connecting in any way, shape or form.

This scenario -- estrangement -- is not uncommon but it touches me in a deep way. I can honestly say that nothing has been more difficult for me than those times when my father denied my presence. I feel for my new patient and I want to erase her pain in some way but I cannot. I fully know she contributed to her situation. I also know and feel her daughter's pain. She may be the "boundary setter" but I know it hurts her to her core. My patient revealed to me that the daughter is also estranged from 1 of her 3 children. So this hardening of her heart (although maybe justified and legitimate and conceivably necessary for her self-protection) is carrying on in other aspects of her life. Life is not usually cleanly divided into neat sections.

So, why do I feel compelled to write about this? Why do I crave resolution and reconciliation for these 2 people that I do not really know? I don't think my deep feeling for this situation is unique to me. This estrangement is the opposite of connection and I believe connection is what we are wired for and what we need as much as food or water. I want it for me and I want it for all beings. I realize that the world is far from perfect and "shit happens" but I also believe with all my heart that this is what we are here to learn and to work through. This is what spirituality is about and this is what life is really all about. I am ready to learn and understand more.

In my reading (ie Dying Well by Ira Byock), one of the keys to a good end of life is peace in our relationships. That does not mean we have to always agree or be "fake" in our interactions to keep the peace. It means coming to a respect for the other and maintaining a commitment in relationship with the other. Forgiveness and acceptance bring a world of healing -- they are the path to peace. Forgiveness and acceptance do not mean letting oneself be repeatedly hurt. We may need to protect ourselves if someone is not respectful or kind to us. Forgiveness is an internal shift that allows us to "let go" of our own anger, resentment or guilt -- things that hurt US. We do it for ourselves not for the other. Forgiveness and acceptance allow us to stay in relationship with people who are challenging to us. They permit peace inside and prevent estrangement and isolation.

These principles do not just apply to the end of life. These principles allow living to be better, much better. Walling off our heart is not good for anyone -- young, old, sick or well. Connection is the fruit of life and needs to be valued for what it is -- the ultimate gift.

Black Swan

2011-05-31T08:31:00.000-07:00

Grace and I watched the movie Black Swan last night. Incredible portrayal of the "voice in our heads". Nataly Portman was plagued with a very loud and dark voice and she went "through it" as opposed to being paralyzed by it. The movie is painful and uncomfortable but in a way that is real and connectable. It was a great demonstration of this "force" which lives within us all (the unconscious mind) that can shape our lives if we let it. Sometimes the best path is just to not listen to the voice in our heads -- instead, we can listen to the other voice which is also in our head but comes from quite a different source. Being able to differentiate between the two seems paramount.

Back On Track

2011-05-28T12:20:00.000-07:00

Wow, it feels SOOO much better to be out of the grasp of my unconscious mind. It can get so bleak so quickly. I see the power of this "dark voice" in my patients and feel it in myself. We all have this battle waging within us and need to harness all our resources to stay conscious and awake. For me this time, it took connecting with a wise friend, writing about my predicament, and cycling through my mental process to bring me back to the present and out of my funk. The trip down was relatively short this time and thankfully without lasting consequences. Having a process helps; having a friend to talk to openly and honestly definitely helps; writing helps; NOT slipping down the road to rejecting myself is absolutely key. Back in the game and not a moment too soon.

The Voice in My Head

2011-05-28T09:25:00.000-07:00

The voice in my head came charging this morning about 4 a.m.. By 7, I was exhausted and thoroughly demoralized. I was just waking up and I felt like the day should be over. "My MS is back". "My veins must be shutting down". "I can't be OK without medicine". "Grace doesn't love me". I took the dogs for a short walk. I tripped and fell at the exact moment that I was thinking "I am not going to let this old voice in my head rule my life". I almost got in a car accident when I pulled out of a street and a car appeared out of nowhere (it was obviously there but I never saw it).

Now, it's 9:30 a.m. and I am back awake and alive. The demons were pouring out of me for the last 5 hours but now they are quiet again.

Can I stay awake? Can I strengthen "the witness" who can see my dark side (the voice in my head) and shut him up. The battle rages on. Another day, another chance to be present to this one great life.

The Work

2011-05-20T09:52:00.000-07:00

Once we become aware of our unconscious or shadow aspects, we then move into a new realm of discovery. What are our ingrained perceptions and beliefs which are causing us to create these manifestations in our lives? Further, what behaviors do we use to keep ourselves in the dark about our own actions and reactions? This is where the work gets tricky as we are attempting to unravel a tornado of emotions, repressed memories and very ingrained behavioral patterns.

An example: Joe suffers from anxiety, panic attacks and insomnia. Unbenounced to Joe, his symptoms actually "mask" some deep and painful thoughts and beliefs which he has carried since early childhood. Although his symptoms seem "terrible" for anyone to endure, they actually are more comfortable to him than the deeper beliefs that he holds. Most people adopt some compensatory habits to "handle" these negative and uncomfortable symptoms such as drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes or marijuana, over-eating compulsively, or the socially acceptable behavior of exercising to excess. All these behaviors provide temporary relief of the uncomfortable symptoms but lead to unconscious dependence on substances or behaviors to endure life. In Joe's case the symptoms were actually masking the underlying beliefs that he was unlovable and not worthy of being cared for or protected.

Over several months, we were able to "unravel" the wound-up tornado of emotions, suffering, and behaviors and outline a path for Joe to follow in order to for him to live consciously and intentionally. It was only with intense courage and fortitude and vigilant focus on both his past wounds and on new conscious thoughts and behaviors that Joe was able to transform his suffering and begin to recover his power and strength.

Every week brought Joe new understanding and a brighter, more well-lit path. Healing happened and a new, fresh start was born.

Creation

2011-05-20T09:12:00.000-07:00

We all create our lives. I think most of us agree on this point. However, we shy away from this truth when it comes to the less desirable manifestations that come out of us like our illnesses, injuries, mishaps, and things we perceive as random events. So, what creates the aspects that do not make us proud to be who we are?

We have an unconscious that is also a creator in our lives. This shadow side of ourselves is exactly what it says--unconscious to our everyday awareness. So if we are not aware of it then how do we work with it? How do we become aware, awake and conscious so that we can be healthier, happier and whole? This is the most important question in life as far as I am concerned. This capacity to become consciously aware of our hidden selves is the key to healing and to all of life.

In order to be aware, we have to be willing to look at our pain and suffering in whatever shape or form that manifests itself and look right at it, through it and at its root. Thus, we do have a window to see into the parts of ourselves that are dark and dirty and not what we consciously want for ourselves. With this introspective vision, we can begin to heal and become creators of a conscious vision. Often, we need "outside" assistance in this quest so that we can objectively see because our vision can be "clouded" by our routine and our dulled perception that comes with years of living in our patterned way. That assistance can be a friend, therapist or anyone who cares enough to be honest with us.

The bottom line is how can we become aware of the part of ourselves that is not in our conscious awareness?

The answer is to look at our lives honestly and discern what is not working for us. Job, relationships, health, recurrent themes, addictions; all these are "ripe" material to begin our quest to wake up and start on the path to wholeness.

Once, we look at and decide to work with our "shadow material", we are now beginning to move out of a "stuck place" and into a new world of discovery and change. Awareness is step #1.

Alana

2011-05-07T15:43:00.000-07:00

This was given to me by friend Michael Rubano. It was written by Alana shortly before she passed away:

Today I know a secret that I didn't know then. Well, it's hardly a secret. It's a profound truth really, that everybody knows.

We are dying.

Hardly anyone acknowledges this. Few people live as though this could be their last breath. If we did the world would be so different. There would be more joy, more gratitude and certainly more love.

Instead, Death is hardly considered without fear, dread, loss, anxiety.

I know a secret. Death is not the enemy. It is an ally, reminding us to live each moment to the fullest. To be the best we can in every situation.

I get to understand this secret because I am dying. This knowledge is encouraging me to live every minute. How can we know how to live if we don't know how to die?

Acceptance, acknowledgment, maybe we could find a little appreciation for the miracle that eventually the spirit and the body separate. Is that so awful? How is it we get so attached to all this gross matter?

We are attached for all the wrong reasons. If we are not feeling love and gratitude for who we are and what we have then we are not living; we are merely existing. If we do not live with love and joy, I 'm certain death will not contain them either.

So now is your chance; here is the secret.

Live every moment as if there was nothing more important than joy, than gratitude, than love. Put these wonders into everything you do... your finances, your chores, your work, your friends and family. And I promise you will never fear death or anything else and your love will be returned a thousand fold.

Alana

Context

2011-04-25T15:41:00.000-07:00

Any time a situation is happening to us, we are immersed in a whirlwind of thoughts, feelings, emotions, and beliefs. Our thought processes may not at all be clear depending on the intensity of the presenting situation. Illness and injury are the classic scenarios that create this tornado. First, we don't feel well. We may have pain, nausea, or a wide variety of negative experiences that are not usually in our repetoire. We want relief but sometimes, the "fix" is not easy or accessible to us. This brings up our emotions and challenges "our coping strategies". Pretty quickly, the situation can get "cloudy" and even dark. If there is a solution close at hand, great. If there is not, all variety of challenge surfaces. Such is the complexity of working with "chronic disease" (as differentiated from acute illness or injury). All this is complicated by the fact that we isolate ourselves in these instances out of necessity and out of a strong pull away from others.

How to come out of the dark? How to feel better and return to the "flow" of life? These are not easy issues in part because each person is different and every challenge is different. Every path thus requires an individualized plan. However, the world wants to design a care plan that can be generalized to all people. Care tracks are the norm. You have this condition so the treatment is this. Well, that's all well and good for the straightforward challenge--strep throat, appendicitis, even specific cancers. The tricky part is when all is not straightforward (which all too often it is not). What happens when the person is elderly and infirm or without family support or when the disease is chronic and poorly controlled with standard medicines? What happens when depression enters in or fear is intimately intermixed with physical symptoms? What happens when a person does not like his doctor or the doctor does not like the patient? These are all very real, very important blocks to healing. These blocks (and there truly are as many blocks as there are medicines) wreak havoc and create discord where there needs to be peace and equanimity for healing to happen.

Such is the challenge and the opportunity that illness and injury unroof. How can we heal when there is chaos and suffering? How can we come back into our power, strength and well-being? What will it take? Who do we turn to? This is every person's challenge when health goes awry. Will cure come with more knowledge, more God, more support, more medicine or surgery? Or, will it come at all? How can we stay "positive" when we feel so bad? Who do we trust with our body and mind and spirit?

The answer is not always clear. In fact, it is often quite the opposite. It is unclear. Cloudy and in the dark.

This is where I believe we have to dive into the context of our situation. How did we become enmeshed in such a drama? Where do we fit in the drama? Did we create it? Are we perpetuating it?

The only way out is to start at the root. What do we believe about our situation? How does it fit in the overall picture of our life? What are we supposed to learn? These questions and the answers which follow provide the light into our darkness.

I believe the following principles are universally true:

(1) We are all the creators of our life and all its manifestations

(2) Suffering is an inevitable part of life but it can be resolved.

(3) Transformation (healing) evolves out of perceiving our life challenge with new eyes.

(4) Awareness, acceptance, forgiveness and love lead to healing.

Modern medicine has brought spectacular modalities and chemicals to heal our world but innovation, technology and invention is too often limited. Limitation is transcended when one become conscious and aware of the meaning and purpose that health challenges bring to the context of their lives. When an individual can shift a worn out belief and open to a truer vision, Providence happens and healing is born.

Pelicans

2011-04-24T12:33:00.000-07:00

For some reason that is not clear to me, there are many more pelicans flying the coast than in years past. It really is spectacular to see them. Total freedom. Complete grace. Union of the flock into one entity. The wind completes supports them. They are rarely working; just gliding. Peace.

Easter

2011-04-24T12:09:00.000-07:00

I was not raised in the Christian faith but I like the Easter holiday. It is about re-birth and I love that concept and believe in it with all my heart. It is such a more uplifting and positive way to perceive the time after this life. The difference in helping people at the end of life is really quite different with the varying perspective. The despair and clinging to life is just not there. The re-birth of Jesus coincides with the springtime re-birth of life and, to me, it all goes together and is all palpably real. Everything is in bloom; there are newborns of all species all around and winter is finally over. Feeling the cycle of life just feels better. We are not finite dying beings; we are souls having a human experience and then moving on to the next adventure.

Happy Easter!

So what's the point??

2011-04-21T15:00:00.001-07:00

The point of my story was not to talk about myself. It was to illustrate a path to healing. (1) Awareness of our "wounding" belief(s) (2) Developing a process that one can go through quickly and efficiently when he or she realizes that they are in an undesirable state (angry, anxious, irritated) (3) Come to acceptance of oneself (as opposed to rejection)

Simple. Doable. Replicable. Can be done without another person helping once the "hidden" beliefs are revealed.

My Health

2011-04-21T11:18:00.000-07:00

I have been working very hard to try to come up with a formula and process for returning people to health. I have spent many years as a doctor and learned many lessons. The main challenge in helping people is to understand what they believe and then guide them to perceive (believe) something slightly or markedly different. This shift in perception and belief can lead to transformation and healing. The core initial challenge is attempting to reveal people's beliefs. It seems like this would be very easy--just ask them. However, beliefs are often hidden to individuals and thus out of their own conscious awareness. In particular, core beliefs are often not conscious to people as they led to disapproval at some time in their life and as a result were buried in the unconscious. Uncovering deep seeded beliefs can be tedious but bears great fruit when one is attempting to change and get healthier. All behavior stems from beliefs so uncovering beliefs is key to "true" transformation.

In my own personal situation, I struggle with my balance. I have struggled with this challenge over the last 15 years. Most of my closest friends do not know that this is what occupies my thoughts-- I keep it hidden and to myself. I carry a diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis which may explain my condition but certainly is not all of the explanation. I recently went on a hike in the desert with friends. I was struggling with keeping up and managing the trail. I felt angry and frustrated on top of attempting to manage the hike. I was very much "in my head" as we proceeded along the trail. My enjoyment and connection with the beauty of the surroundings and with my very good friends was extremely limited by my emotional reaction to the situation. My friends witnessed my suffering and opened up a conversation. Through dialogue, I came to realize that my deep, old belief that I "should not appear weak (or not be strong) or I will be rejected and abandoned". With this conversation and others since, I came to a new belief, "I am challenged in my balance but I choose to accept myself unconditionally". With this new perspective, I found that day and in many hikes locally since that one, that I am much more relaxed and my balance and gait are much less of an issue. In general, I am much more at peace and less angry.

So by following this process of accepting my limitation ongoingly (literally step by step), I have become much freer, calmer and less angry. This constellation of states has opened up a lot of expansion for me and I find I am a better doctor, husband and friend.

Simple, basic and profound; so much time and energy wasted in the past. Acceptance of "what is" (reality) led to a quiet transformation in me. I had taken words and a belief that I learned when I was a young boy shape my world and limit my capacities. Allowing a new way of being to arise has led me to a new place in my life. I will have to keep conscious and aware but the war is now finally over.

The Future of Senior Living

2011-04-20T15:52:00.000-07:00

I recently was given an article from AARP called Reinventing Home: Happy Together by Sally Abrahms. It is a very interesting perspective on a new way of facing the true challenges of aging: facing loneliness and coping with increasing need for support. I feel like I have tried for my entire career to help seniors (especially the vulnerable ones--those that live alone, are recently widowed, or those that have trouble connecting with others). This "social" solution is the answer to this very core problem.

The article explores several different solutions to the problem--"niche" communities (ie university based retirement communities for those who value lifelong learning and the benefits which come from being attached to a college campus), cohousing (intergenerational communities who share common space and share meals and activities but have their own living quarters), "Green Houses" which are modern, small nursing homes with more of a small, cozy home feel), and the Village model where people remain in their homes (age in place) but with community support and social connections provided by a central agency (we are attempting to initiate this program in my home community of Del Mar).

Thus, there are many options available allowing each person to choose a model that works for them. The unifying principle is that people want and now are realizing that they need more supportive environments to spend their senior years. The world is rejecting the old way--be home and independent or be banished to a nursing home. Nursing homes fail on many levels and people want more. That more has arrived and not a moment too soon. We as a society now realize that social support and ongoing education, activity, and socialization are every bit as important as food and water for the ongoing development and actualization of our minds, bodies and spirits.

Thank God, we as a society are coming to our senses. As this attitude and paradigm shift take hold, seniors will finally be able to be loved and supported all the way until the end of life and as a result, a world of suffering can be avoided and a higher plane of life can be realized.

Dad

2011-04-20T10:22:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about my father lately. I have never written about him although he was the most influential person in my life. He pushed me to excel and while I resented the very conditional acceptance he offered me, I fully realize that it was his pushing me that allowed my life to be one rich in opportunities and great satisfaction. While my challenge is and has been to accept myself, I would not trade any of my experiences, adventures or associations for anything.

My dad had an enormous and very loving heart. He was a dentist by trade but a healer and cheerleader at his core. He had a huge capacity for work and this is what he did and what defined him. He worked 12-14 hours most days and when he came home, he did not collapse, relax and rejuvenate; he worked out and usually worked out hard. He had amazing energy, persistence and fortitude. This likely came from deep inside him as a response to his "demons". He could not and did not love and accept himself so his work allowed him to calm his internal fire, at least in large part. His patients and friends were the lucky recipients of all his gifts; he was an amazing dentist technically, creatively and humanistically. He gave with his hands and even more with his heart as he cared for his people in a true and profound way. He was always there for his patients and friends no matter if their needs extended beyond their mouths.

At home, he was both a great dad and a "not great dad". He was an incredible provider for my sister, mom and I. Despite his own poor roots, he sent me to private school and a great college and medical school. He gave me incredible support financially and emotionally through all these experiences. He used to write me letters while I was in college, motivating me and keeping my spirits high. My friends could not believe that such support could ever come from a parent. He was intolerant of poor performance in school, sports or work. I feared his disapproval and came to value his high standards as my own. Our biggest clash was when I wished to stray from the "standard" path. This invoked his wrath and anger and led him to reject me. These were very painful times for me.

He loved both my sister Nancy and me very much but the "conditional" acceptance was painful for us both. That combined with his explosive anger shaped us both and continues to define who we are. We both are searching to "find ourselves" and our own voices and this process has been prolonged in both our cases. We both ventured away from having families and so our quest to love ourselves unconditionally has been allowed to be an extended pursuit. His financial success has further allowed Nancy and I to live in the existential realms much longer than most. We both are blessed to have been given such a tremendous gift of financial assistance and a deep inner longing for unconditional love.

I believe he had this deep, inner longing also but was not able to indulge it. He had a deep sense of inner rejection of himself. This was apparent in his anger and inner drive. He did not have the benefit of psychotherapy or a belief in a higher power so he was alone to try to handle his demons. His exceptional strength kept him away from chemical addictions. His only outlet was his exercise for many years. He did handle his negative emotions for the most part with brief lapses that caused my mom, sister and I some wounding but hurt him most of all.

In the end, he was trying to retire or slow down but realized he never truly could. We all knew he couldn't not work. Ironically, the night he sold his dental practice, he experienced "a random event" beyond possible imagination. He was robbed in his office by a "petty thief". When he resisted, the thief shot him in his enormous heart. He died from that wound and was left in a nearby dumpster. A tragedy beyond possibility. Or was it? He could not have lived without work. He did not have the tools necessary to go on without giving to others. Maybe his end was the most compassionate way for him to leave this world. I pray that his soul was not injured by the violence. I pray that his soul still could travel to the next realm with a love that he so richly deserved. Maybe we don't have to find peace in this life to receive the blessing from God that we all crave from our deepest being. Maybe that is the real message of all the traditions: we are forgiven and loved no matter what. The love and the light can restore beauty and wholeness in an instant--that is what I hope for my dad. Maybe that is the lesson. He lived a full and giant life. He gave and received love. I believe that he is "up there" back in the realm of unconditional love and I pray that he can finally take it all in.

Open Conversations

2011-04-13T11:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday in my Senior Health Forum that I run in Del Mar, we discussed the end-of-life. In the past when we have broached this "loaded" issue, I have been surprised that this topic seems to grab the audience more than any other. Yesterday was no exception. I invited 2 good friends (Joseph and Michael Rubano) to talk about the recent passing of their father. I asked them to be our leaders because I considered their father's passing to be a "successful" end of life. This concept of "Dying Well" was discussed in depth in the book by this name by Ira Byock MD (president of the American Hospice Movement). I have sought out this goal above all others in my practice of medicine. I always remember and truly believe the quote by Ram Dass "the most important moment of any incarnation is the moment before death". I heard this many years ago and have valued the concept highly ever since. My own father did not have a "good end of life" as I would define it and quite possibly this is why I am so drawn to this as an overriding goal.

What makes for a "good" end of life? How can we help guide people toward this lofty goal? I believed Lou Rubano's end demonstrated what I would define as dying well. While he had many medical challenges in his lifetime, his end was marked by: (1) Clear consciousness until very close to the time of his passing (2) Loving presence all around him at the end (3) Peace and acceptance by him and from his close family relatives as his life wound down (this was most definitely not always the case for him) (4) pain and adverse symptom control and (5) A spiritual connection on his own terms.

Interestingly, these 5 issues are independent of the medical condition(s) that bring one to the end of life. In other words, a "good" end of life can come to one regardless of the circumstances that lead up to the event. The challenges are universal and thankfully reachable with the right frame of mind. The hospice movement has helped our world gain access to this world of possibility. Having hospice guidance CAN facilitate a "good" end-of-life but does not guarantee it. People often choose hospice only when there is nothing else to turn to to hold onto life. This is understandable but is a gross "under use" of the hospice experience. The hospice experience is meant to bring closure to the end of a good life. It is holistic (in that it values the body, the mind and the spirit). It functions best when it is utilized fully in all these realms and not just as a symptom management process. It is very good at symptom management; the nurses and doctors are true experts with pain medicines and the full arsenal of medications available to provide relief of any and all negative symptoms (ie nausea, pain, fear, depression). However, the entire experience goes more smoothly and more beautifully if the entire model is accessed. When a person is open to the mind and the spirit, there is a whole higher level of peace that is attained. This level is benefitted if the individual has been open to and nurtured these concepts during their life. Thankfully, individuals often open to these "non-body" realms as their time draws near.

The age old principles of forgiveness and acceptance really show their power and strength in this setting. Medicines can provide symptom relief but acceptance, forgiveness and love bring a peace that cannot be attained with any drug. The senior years and the end-of-life are really about these issues--not about the body.

Connection to one's self, one's loved ones, and one's perception of a higher power are the core issues. The body is a teacher and a vehicle for learning but the heart of the matter is really in the relationships to one's self and to others. When those relationships are characterized by love, acceptance, forgiveness and understanding, there is a lit path to a good conclusion of life.

The good news is that we CAN create a good end-of-life. The challenge is to focus on these "spiritual" issues and not get "bogged down" in the body issues. Of course, we all should try to maximize the function and duration of the body but when push-comes-to-shove, peace comes from connection, peace and love and these are attained through acceptance and forgiveness.

Michael and Joseph brought home these concepts to our group as they openly discussed their father's transition. The entire audience was both moved and motivated. I am truly grateful to them for their wisdom, beautiful and truthful communication and their wide-open hearts. They shined a light for our group and now it is our turn to let the light shine. The truly beautiful thing about it all is: when we learn how to die, we can truly begin to live. These principles do not have to be saved for the end; they can be harnessed in life and for life.

FOOD

2011-04-07T10:09:00.000-07:00

I read what I consider to be a truly great article this morning in JAMA (Journal of the American Medical Association). It was called "Technology, Diet and the Burden of Chronic Disease" written by David Ludwig MD,PhD. It was short (2 pages) but clear, concise and in my opinion truly profound. The upshot was that the vast majority of chronic disease is directly related to the evolution in food which has occurred over the last 200 years. This is not new and not earth-shattering but I was struck by how simply worded and clear the information was delivered. Ultraprocessing is at the heart of the problem. By becoming slaves to convenience, ease and speed, we as a society have literally thrown away our health and well-being. Fast food and processed food replaces micronutrients, fiber and phytochemicals (the building blocks of fruits, vegetables, nuts,seeds and legumes) with low quality and unhealthful fats and high calorie sugars. In addition, water is taken out and processed food is much denser in calories. This alone explains our obesity epidemic and the overwhelming burden of chronic disease. Sodas and colas are not discussed but everyone knows that they are co-conspirators in our health woes.

The good news remains that: we have the power to regain our power and our health. The authors cite good suggestions for us as individuals and us as a society to combat this truly insane sacrifice that we as a society have made. Health and well-being has been forsaken in the quest for speed, convenience, palatability and profit to the companies which produce our truly toxic fare. This madness can end whenever we say, "STOP". There is another way and it is truly life-enhancing rather than life-destructing.

Meaning and Purpose

2011-04-06T12:58:00.000-07:00

At the very heart of this life is a force and energy that gets us up in the morning and fills our thoughts throughout the day. Most of us are so busy and overwhelmed with the activities of our lives that we often lose sight of this powerful driving force. However, even if we are not aware of our "reason to be", I propose that it is still our main stabilizing and guiding influence in our lives. For many, the life force is centered on providing safety, security, food and shelter for our families. This noble goal can completely dominate our consciousness as it is a true and ongoing challenge in this complex world. For those fortunate enough to have these basic needs met either by good fortune or through their previous hard work, there is another level of challenge to be grappled with. The next level is an existential challenge quite different from meeting the basic human needs. It can be about finding love or learning to love ourselves. It can be about peace and contentment. It can be about achievement or self-actualization. In any case, the pursuit of purpose and meaning offers the pursuer a fully loaded set of obstacles and difficulties often without a clearly marked path or instruction manual.

Not many people I know can clearly verbalize why they are here or what is the meaning of life. Without this conscious awareness, life can become dark in bad times and "rocky" on a day to day basis. I believe this issue comes up most as people age and the usual driving forces (work, providing for survival needs and child-rearing) are less of a focus. This issue is at the heart of the "senior" years. How shall we live knowing that our time is limited, our bodies are not what they used to be, and our roles and positions are no longer clear?

Many turn to their spiritual traditions to answer these existential questions. A true spiritual connection can bring clarity and light to the dark and cloudy views which arise as one ponders meaning and purpose. These questions -- why are we here and what is the purpose of our lives --have been addressed for centuries by the great thinkers, philosophers and seekers. Answers have come but there is no right answer and no unified belief. This is truly what makes life interesting but simultaneously challenging and sometimes down right hard.

The absence of meaning and purpose creates true suffering for many. Spiritual darkness can be very lonely and very painful. If only, we could be "shown the light", we could trace a path for ourselves. I have been reading about "end of life visions" which often come to people who are dying. David Kessler in his book "Visions, Trips and Crowded Rooms" details stories and experiences of the dying in a very real and a very regular way. He explores an area that medicine has largely ignored and that I have never heard discussed as so routine and maybe even universal. The connections that people make in this vulnerable state are profound and transforming. They take away fear and bring a sense of peace that no talking, reading or medicating can do. It seems that people can truly see a world that transcends fear and provides peace and acceptance beyond anything that this human experience can reveal.

If indeed, there is a beauty and a peace that the dying get glimpses of and those blessed to have "near-death experiences" see and experience but then return to human form, then quite possibly there is a reason for our "suffering" in this world. We may not understand it as we go through it but if we can "just believe" and trust in this light and love that is universally described, then maybe we can find our "reason to be" amidst the craziness that it is our lives.

Changing a Perception

2011-01-12T15:34:00.000-08:00

In order to be able to change the beliefs that I hold, I first must perceive them differently.

Examples:

I believe the carpet is clean. Upon getting down on my hands and knees, I clearly see the carpet is loaded with dirt.

I have always felt cold in the ocean in the winter. I just got a new wetsuit which is thicker and higher quality than any that I have had before. I now find the ocean to be pleasant even if the temperature is 55 degrees.

I have always thought of dogs as dominant over cats. I currently have a cat that who is not afraid of my dogs; in fact, they run and cower from him.

I have always been afraid to speak up and disagree with people who I perceive as smarter than I. Recently, I spoke up about an issue that had been bothering me for a long time. My friend acknowledged the issue, has changed his behavior and it feels more comfortable to be around him.

My wife has always been frustrated by my defensiveness. I was never able to control this behavior. Recently, I was newly able to hear her criticisms or opinions and for the first time, did not take them personally or become reactive. My wife has been much more pleasant to me since I reacted more openly.

I always heard about the sunset "green flash" over the ocean but never could see it myself. Once I did perceive it, I see it routinely as the sun sets over the ocean.

I always believed the gospel about Multiple Sclerosis being an "auto-immune" illness as this was the way the world saw it. When the new vascular theory was discovered by Paolo Zamboni, it seemed truer to me and made much more sense. I thus came to change my belief and my level of hope for improvement and healing sky-rocketed. I also came to realize that the way I lived each day (my food, my thoughts, my exercise, my peace of mind) all matter for my managing my medical condition.

When I started work on the Dean Ornish heart disease program, I thought that the arteries were like pipes. I thought that blockages were "fixed" obstructions. It wasn't until later that I came to realize how dynamic and alive the inside of the artery truly is. With this new perception, I came to realize how much can effect blockage. I came to see that our daily actions (what we eat, our attitudes, thoughts, moods and spirits, and if we exercise) have tremendous impact on the dynamic state of these very alive "organs". A whole world of healing options evolved out of this change in perception.

When I worked in a cancer center, I could never quite understand how 2 people with the same condition could have such opposite outcomes. One could become ravaged by her disease while another woman in the exact same circumstance would glide through her treatment course and slip into a cured state. Now I understand. Two different people; two very different perceptions of their situations.

All these are examples of long held beliefs that change when a new perception is found can make profound differences in peoples' lives. The change is not difficult in the least; it only requires seeing something a different way. It is just learning. Life can truly open up and completely transform when perceptions change. Nothing in objective reality has to be different; only how we see it. With this shift, mountains move and miracles become reality.

I believe that this approach can be applied to behavior change (quitting cigarettes or drinking, losing weight, starting to exercise, or stopping verbally abusive behavior). The key is not will, social support or helpful pharmaceuticals. The true key is finding a newer, truer perception. I'll explore this next entry.

New Beginning Again

2011-01-05T08:57:00.001-08:00

Well, a new year has started and I feel a rush of new enthusiasm. This morning i was directed to a blog and the words of an MS patient from New Zealand.

Overcoming Multiple Sclerosis - Multiple Sclerosis, Ms Cure, Early Symptom Multiple Sclerosis

This blog/website written by a doctor (George Jelinek) is strong, clear, and, in my opinion, right on the mark. It basically proposes that MS can be successfully managed with a healthy lifestyle. He proposes the Swank diet (low fat, no saturated fat, high in fruits and vegetables, high in fish), regular exercise, daily meditation, vitamin D, regular sun. Basic. Not fancy. Very "doable". He clearly reviews how this has helped him and helped MS patients in the past (Dr. Swank's research). He has written a book (Overcoming Multiple Sclerosis) of his experience and his recommendations and is truly an inspiration.

For me, these are old lessons learned yet again. I learned of the amazing benefits of a truly healthy lifestyle back in the 90's when I was fortunate enough to work as Medical Director for the Dean Ornish Program for Reversing Heart Disease. I live the recommended lifestyle and preach its value for all people whether they have heart disease, MS, diabetes, cancer, or are trying to prevent any of these. The piece that I let myself slide on is meditation. While I have intermittently meditated through the years, I am not consistent. Not surprisingly, my biggest weakness is a racing mind (I realize I am not alone). I don't sleep well and know full well that the reason is the "monkey mind" that I have not harnessed. So, for me, it is "physician heal thyself"; back to the cushion and getting control of my mind.

The lesson goes deeper for me. I have been working with these lifestyle approaches to healing my entire career in medicine. I am a true believer. However, I have struggled to find my place in medicine and the world. I have toyed with the idea of writing a book. I have worked at every medical opportunity that San Diego has offered to an internist with my eclectic skills. I am deeply grateful for the wide range of experiences I have had but I feel so strongly in my heart that there is a better way: a way that honors all that we know and all that we truly believe and goes ahead in spite of the financial fears.

I am now in a different place. I am on my own, free to proceed as I see fit. Now again, I realize that my soul burns for the chance to help my fellow travelers in this world to get well. I realize that getting well myself is the first order of business. The next is adding my piece to the healing puzzle. The missing link is the role of belief and our capacity to change our beliefs("how do you stop believing what you believe" and learn to believe something that is better for you). This critical element unlocks our capacity to change, to transform, to heal. Most of us know what the right thing is to do, but we drift from this correct path because our unconscious beliefs lead us astray. The monkey mind (which belongs to the unconscious) allows us to drift back to old, bad habits (explains the incredibly high rate of failed New Year's resolutions). The key is bringing the unconscious to consciousness and then getting strong in our new found consciousness.

Meditation is definitely part of this but it must be combined with a belief-changing mechanism. My good friend Robbie Goldstein has developed this process. He is getting clear himself on this very challenging opportunity. He is writing a book on this exact topic and I am fortunate enough to get to learn from him. This is the missing link. I read all over about the changing consciousness but the "how-to" is missing. It won't be missing much longer. Stay tuned for the details.

I truly believe that this year will bring the start of a true revolution in health care. Not a revolution in just insurance coverage but an evolution in the way we view healing and disseminate the knowledge. The time is near and we are ready.

Happy New Year !!

2010-12-30T16:37:00.000-08:00

The beautiful thing about this life we get to live is that every day is a fresh start. We forget but that is the truth. We do not have to continue on our same course. We can re-invent ourselves whenever we wish. We can change. We can become what we want to be.

New Year is when the mass collective looks this concept square in the eyes. What do we want to be different in our lives? How shall we be?

Treat yourself this New Year and change a belief about yourself. Think big. Go for it.

Make it a great NEW year!

The Year in Review

2010-12-22T17:25:00.000-08:00

I just watched a slide show on Medscape (medical website) :

The Year in Medicine 2010: Slideshow

that reviewed the 25 greatest medical highlights from 2010. I was really disappointed by the lack of true medical advancement we seemed to have made in the past year. I thought this was a golden age for medicine and new discoveries. It is interesting that I think medicine advanced a lot this year because of my personal experience with the new MS procedure-- the Liberation Procedure. The standard medical world does not even acknowledge this new procedure which gave me my body and life back. No mention in any standard medical journals. The Medscape survey included the new MS drug Fingolimod. They proclaimed this was a giant step forward because it is the first oral drug for MS (as opposed to injectable). It is not that it works better; it is just easier to take. Not very earth-shattering in my opinion.

It is interesting and a little disturbing how far I have drifted in my perceptions of health and healing as compared to the standard medical world. I still read and enjoy the standard medical journals but I am so much more invigorated by the beliefs and perceptions of non-standard healers. I believe I was part of an incredible medical breakthrough and the journals I value do not even mention it. I like thinking about and helping people with other tools besides just medicines. There is SOOO much else out there to help people! I guess I should quit hoping the standard medical world will change and just be happy I am no longer part of it.

Great Reading

2010-12-19T17:53:00.000-08:00

I strongly recommend reading the January 2011 issue of The Sun magazine. I have been reading this great, truly honest and open journal for years but this issue is their first that is devoted to health and healing. The lead article is an interview with Andrew Weil. There are many very real and true stories in this magazine as well as an excerpt from Norman Cousins book Anatomy of an Illness on the power of placebo.

What I enjoyed the most was Weil's and Cousins' talk about the power of placebo. They both speak of placebo not as a sugar pill but as the power of relationship (doctor/patient) and belief to initiate and sustain the body's own innate healing system. This power is so great and so powerful but we mostly talk about it being something next to nothing. This is the magic of the art of medicine; the power of one to influence another for higher good. We in America speak negatively about placebo but it is so positive and so real.

The power of our own consciousness to influence our bodies is vast. Weil speaks of the visible and invisible worlds. The current medical paradigm only addresses the material (visible world). There is SO much to be gained from working with the invisible world. In the end of the interview, Weil quotes Laotzu who saw that "the empty space inside a vessel is what makes it valuable". He says further, that "our consciousness modifies reality". I believe that belief is the mechanism for modifying our reality. Change a belief and change a physical reality. Next we will get to the how to of changing a belief.

Curative Intent

2010-12-17T13:57:00.000-08:00

The words "curative intent" are seldom used by internal medicine docs as they are the managers of chronic illness and disease. I am an internal medicine doctor by training but have become interested in these words and the power behind them as I build my new practice.

A friend introduced me to a different perspective as we discussed my frustrations with modern medicine. He spoke of "curative intent" and of patients getting radically better--getting cured. It really was a foreign concept to me when we first started talking about it but since it has become front and center in my mind and in my heart.

Other than surgeons, I don't believe many docs focus on cure. Disease management and chronic care are much more the common goals in this day and age. While these are noble pursuits and important, these objectives may very well sell the patient short and NOT be in their best interest. The medical system is geared for chronic disease management: the reimbursement scheme and the priorities of the system favor chronic care. However, when an individual becomes labeled with a disease diagnosis, I would argue, they are put in a box that is very hard to get out of and is extremely limiting. First and foremost, if an individual buys into this thinking, they forever think of themselves as sick or infirm. "I'm a heart patient" or "I'm a diabetic" or "I have MS" all quickly define the individual and limit their power, strength and belief in themselves. With those few words, the listener is warned right away, "be careful, this person is vulnerable".

Now, I am not trying to put up a wall of denial for me as a patient or as a doctor. I just believe that there is a tremendous advantage to seeing oneself as well vs. seeing oneself as sick. Our thoughts become our life and if we start each day with the thoughts that "I am weak" or "I am unwell" in whatever form or fashion, we are imposing limitation on ourselves. Limiting thoughts beget limited life and therefore are injurious to the thinker.

On the other hand, if we approach life with curative intent (either as a doctor or as a patient), we just might end up getting well. Some examples:

(1) Type 2 Diabetes

Standard medical approach: Take your medicines, watch your weight, try to exercise, go to the doctor every 3 months for a check-up, and fully expect that this condition will be with you for your entire life

Curative Intent approach: Uncover the belief which has the person over-eating and not exercising; replace it with a new, more healthy perspective and belief and watch the individual do whatever they need to do to reverse and eliminate the diabetes(and the conditions which often go with it).

(2) Coronary artery disease

Standard medical approach: Take aspirin, plavix, your blood pressure medicine(s) and a cholesterol lowering drug and we (your medical team) will use angioplasty and stents whenever you need tuning up

Curative Intent approach: Radically change your diet to a health giving, flow-enhancing
one, exercise daily, take a deep, honest look at your life and make the necessary changes so that you become truly healthy and happy, and live with a truly open heart.

(3) Fibromyalgia

Standard medical approach: Take your medicines as directed, try to exercise, and accept your limitations. Fully expect to be limited by this condition forever.

Curative Intent approach: Look into the core beliefs that you are holding onto which support you as being ill and debilitated, replace these beliefs with healthy, life-giving ones, exercise every day, eat for maximum health and learn to acknowledge and express your emotions with strength and power.

I fully realize that these are bold and somewhat radical suggestions. I am not suggesting just dropping standard therapies or regimens that you may be taking at current. However, I am suggesting that there are options and alternative paths to follow which may break one out of his or her box and have the potential to set one free.

The medical system is just that -- a system which is designed to help people but often can "keep people down" and stuck in the system. There is a whole other world out there which is characterized by freedom that is available upon request.

Perception to Belief

2010-12-16T19:47:00.000-08:00

My discussion group last night talked about the process of change. It is clear that for an individual to sustain behavior change(ie quitting smoking, losing weight, breaking a chronic habit), one's belief has to change. Force of will, fear, and external pressure are all known to be very poor change agents. It is only when a belief changes that people can change ingrained habits. How does one change a belief? To change a belief, either a new perception has to arise or the meaning one assigns to an old perception has to change.

An example of the first would be when someone realizes that they are eating for a very different reason than hunger. The new perception is that they are eating to spite their spouse or parent who badgers them about over-eating. If they become aware of such a process, a change in behavior can result if they choose to stop the war. If they choose to love themselves more than they need to spite their irritator, the behavior can disappear into the nothingness from which it came.

An example of the second path would be if someone came to value friends and social connection more than the rush and relaxation they get from cigarettes. If they came to see their behavior as more disruptive and counter to their true goals of connection and friendship(new meaning assigned to old perception), they would be deeply motivated to change.

In both cases, changing perceptions led to changing beliefs. In turn, the new beliefs paved the way for changing behavior and the change was not difficult. It just quietly happened. There was no drama.

Time

2010-12-16T19:12:00.000-08:00

Something different happens when an office visit has no time limit.

A space opens up and there is a new freedom to feel different. A peace evolves that cannot happen
in a rushed setting. I suspect there is a slowing of brain waves and a dropping down to a plane that in some way promotes healing. Healing is so much more likely when the sympathetic nervous system is quieted and connection enhanced.

Good things can still happen "on the fly" but their likelihood is decreased in proportion to the more activated and anxious a person is. It takes more than a few minutes to "settle down". Connection and presence and time combine wonderfully to prime one's focus for healing.

New vs Old Medical Paradigms

2010-12-16T18:13:00.000-08:00

We all realize the current medical paradigm is broken but where to go? The following are some of my thoughts:

OLD PARADIGM:

One on one is only style of care(1 doctor:1 patient)

MD's are only source of care

Body is lone focus(not mind or spirit)

The food source is a primary source of disease(the American diet)

Disease is fought primarily in hospitals/clinics

Behavior change is encouraged by displays of will with pharmacologic support

Productivity is the ultimate goal in society and in healing

Profit is main driver

Pharmaceuticals are main therapeutic intervention

Eastern healing and other complementary approaches(psychology, hypnosis,chiropractic care, herbal medicine,etc) are kept outside of standard medicine

Specialty care rules

NEW PARADIGM:

Delivery of care is 1:10 to 3:50 for chronic conditions(delivered in group fashion harnessing the power of the group) and utizing other providers for support(nurses, complementary providers(ie eastern practitioners, nutritionists, exercise/movement coaches, psychologists, spiritual teachers) under supervision of MD. One on one visits are still the norm for acute care medicine.

Focus is broadened beyond the body to include mind and spirit

Societal support of health begins(change of the food supply;re-evaluation of priorities)

Complementary practitioners, physician assistants, nurse practitioners and nurses in general are elevated and incorporated in higher levels of care

Prevention and wellness are implemented on the community

Health care moves to the community(support is everywhere--schools, churches and temples, senior centers)

Health care moves to the home

Therapeutic interventions expand beyond pharmaceuticals alone to include a wide range of therapeutic interventions

Principles of complementary/alternative/Chinese medicine/psychology become woven into the package delivered by standard medicine

Focus of care becomes based in love, compassion and kindness

Specialty care assumes a supportive role to a much stronger, much more diverse and more broad primary care team

The new chronic care(group) model supports and connects intimately with the primary care team

Behavior change becomes a very real and very effective branch of medicine. A new approach to behavior change that is focused on changing core beliefs is disseminated widely and provides a route to true and lasting health and wellness. A language of change is developed that
makes change and health evolution both possible and doable.

Care, connection and community become the norms and goals

Thanksgiving

2010-11-27T17:23:00.000-08:00

It is so amazing that nearly everyone in our country acknowledges, celebrates, and follows the national customs of Thanksgiving holiday (ie Turkey dinner). It is great that we take time to give thanks. It just seems to me we need to do it more often, more regularly, and as part of every day.

Don't get me wrong, I have not always been a grateful person. I forget way more than I'd like to admit. However, I most definitely can tell when I am focusing on gratitude as opposed to when my mind is focused on negativity of some sort. When gratitude is my focus, I am much nicer to my wife and puppies and generally much more pleasant to be around. I see with a whole different perspective; the "rose-colored glasses" are on and my energy is much more "up".

I have to remind myself to be grateful. I have to catch myself resuming the negative chatter and make a conscious effort to remember my gratitude. It creates a shift. I am grateful to have a quick-acting tool to turn to when I need it.

I really like the Thanksgiving holiday. There is a timeout in our world and we come together to be thankful. Pretty good idea. Turkey or no turkey.

The Breast Cancer 3 Day Walk

2010-11-20T10:36:00.001-08:00

Yesterday, I watched the 3 day walk pass by my neighborhood. They were just starting their 3 day challenge so everybody was looking good. I had 2 friends walking in it, so I went to support them. As I observed and after having read their website the night before, I reflected on the amazing power of this event. Thousands of people participate (mostly women). There is a mix of young and old, healthy and not-so healthy, men and women. The line of walkers just kept coming. I watched for over 1 hour and did not see the first walkers nor the last. The participants were organized into teams as evidenced by their outfits. Overall, there was a strong sense of comraderie and support. Cars, vans, buses, and bicycles all passed by with blaring horns, uplifting music, and cheering fans. There were fans scattered on the street cheering and just watching. This was a "happening" not just a walk.

The website suggested that we think about people we have known who have died of breast cancer, were currently getting treated for breast cancer, or were attempting to prevent breast cancer. I felt "wowed" by the magnitude and prevalence of this condition. I remembered the many women who I knew as a doctor and friend who had been touched by this disease. I remembered telling women that their mammograms were abnormal and needed further evaluation. I remembered the intensity and gravity of these conversations. I remembered the relief that the fortunate many felt whose further testing proved that they were ok; that they did not have breast cancer. I remembered the people (men and women) who went on to have breast cancer. I remembered the people who "got cured" with surgery. Then I remembered the
women with metastatic disease that we guided through chemotherapy, radiation, surgery, and more. Some of these women got to join the list of the cured. Some did not. Some died. Some I met at the cancer center. Some I met through my hospice work.

The stories flood my mind as I write this. Some were dramatically affected by their experience.
One lady truly found God and a new spirituality during her treatment. Another lady went through the therapy with more of a mechanical perspective--fix the defect and move on. Both those ladies have done well. Another lady came to value herself as more than a mother, caretaker and provider during the course of her treatment. One of my favorite patients at the cancer center seemed to grow wiser and deeper with each round of therapy. She met each new situation with an openness and desire to learn and heal that made her care team continually amazed by her resilience. She eventually died from the disease but we watched her become more and more powerful as the disease was taking over her body. She had a healing all through the course of her illness. She died in love with herself and at peace with her life.

While watching these noble warriors walk, I thought about walking 20 miles 3 days in a row. I have never even walked close to 20 miles in a day; let alone doing it again tomorrow and again the next day. Where do these people get the strength, endurance and fortitude? This is not just a walk. This must be a spiritual experience. This taps into something far greater than just walking. This involves a whole community coming together, rising above normal human capacity, and accomplishing the impossible. This is what healing is all about--combining mind, body and spirit to elevate to another plane. One of my friends was doing the event with her 2 daughters to change the "consciousness" of her family. I did not understand this when she first explained it to me, but I do now. The other friend I came to see was doing this walk for the 8th time! She has a strength that she extends to all she touches; and she touches a LOT of people.

These 3 day walks are happening all across the USA. This elevation is coming to thousands of people and being witnessed by millions. I am truly humbled by this movement. While millions of dollars are being raised for breast cancer research, this pales in comparison to the awareness and connection that this event generates all throughout our land. There is a movement happening and I am deeply grateful that I was able to witness it first hand.

Ending Obsession

2010-11-17T10:01:00.000-08:00

One of the primary forces that blocks healing is when someone becomes obsessive in their thinking. This is extremely common when illness or disability occurs. Fear and indecision can "lock"us into a very repetitive, very unproductive pattern of thinking where we basically get "stuck" on the same "groove of the record". Our mind state is then no longer free and flowing but quite limited. This is not at all a healthy state. Learning is then quite limited and getting well hindered. Insomnia often manifests and a fearful, contracted state results.

Returning to health is intimately associated with breaking free of this obsessional mind state. It is very difficult to break free of this mind state when one is isolated from others which quite often accompanies illness and disability(especially in the elderly). It is here that re-connection with the world is absolutely mandatory and absolutely healing. It is through active, open conversation that one is released from the repetitive "spinning on the same groove on the record". This does not always break the cycle but it is a start on the road to healing. If the obsession has become truly "locked in", more is necessary to break free. We can learn from pharmacology how this "stuckness" is abated. The anti-depressant drugs(Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, etc) are very helpful in breaking obsessive thinking. So, to break the cycle without these agents, one can utilize the mechanism of the drug but through natural approaches. Candace Pert PhD wrote about this eloquently and clearly in her book Molecules of Emotion. She describes the natural ways to elevate serotonin(the presumed mechanism of action of the SSRI's). These approaches include: exercise, sun, touch(massage), being in nature, forgiveness(of self and others), acupuncture, social connection, yoga, and healthy eating(high in omega-3 rich foods, fruits and vegetables).

A combination of these healthy behaviors can bring one's mind back to a free state and when combined with a remedy for the body challenge can lead a "stuck" person back to their natural rhythms and flow. The first step to ending the obsession is openly and honestly engaging with a friend, partner, doctor, or healer. Through the power of "presence" and focused listening, the painful obsessional thinking can be "untracked" and movement forward evolves.

UNSTUCK

2010-11-15T11:27:00.000-08:00

I have been using the word "unstuck" to describe what I want to give people in my medical practice. It is not a very medical term and I think I am confusing people more than clarifying my vision. I became enthralled with the term from a recent surf movie by Taylor Steele called "Castles in the Sky". He used the line "There once was a man who became unstuck in the world..." repeatedly throughout the movie. The movie depicted surfers going to the 4 corners of the world and finding freedom both in the waves but also more spiritually(at least in my interpretation). Ever since I saw this movie that line has stayed in my head.

In my opinion, this is a primary goal of life--to become free. To be able to go beyond our limited view of reality and this life and transcend to a place where we are our own masters and free to be who we are. We are so often held back by our "programming" that came from our parents or society. To become "unstuck" to me, means to become authentic. With this shift to our authentic selves, we break through into a world of possibility and promise.

While I am talking here about gaining a freedom and authenticity(more existential goals), I am also referring to a return to body health that becomes possible with getting "unstuck". Examples of stuck places are: chronic pain, chronic diagnoses(congestive heart failure and coronary heart disease, COPD and other chronic lung diseases, depression, colitis) and chronic relapsing conditions(migraines, multiple sclerosis, and chronic fatigue, inflammatory skin conditions, as well as many cancers). These are all examples of common conditions that the standard medical world treats as CHRONIC conditions. These conditions are "managed" with medicines, periodic procedures, and supported with healthy lifestyle approaches. The very real question is: can someone break free of these medical boxes. Is there any way to exit the medical world once one has entered? Can we return to health, wholeness, and freedom? Is cure possible?

I would argue and do truly believe that people can return to health. There are remissions and they can last. Surgeons see and participate in this scenario much more often than medical doctors. They remove the appendix and their patient is again whole--no follow-up necessary. Replace a degenerated hip or knee and the patient starts fresh. The key is to develop a routine that supports a new, healthier life. This often requires a shift or shifts to become whole again. We must learn from our experience and modify or radically change our way of being in the world. For some a small adjustment is all that is necessary. For others a profound transformation is more in order. For example, a man who has smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day, eaten unhealthfully and lived his life with rage and irritation needs a radical new way to be in order to be healed. He may get temporary healing with an angioplasty or bypass procedure but if he desires a full return to wholeness, he will need to clean up his life. This is possible and does happen especially when motivated by the drama and intensity of a heart attack and subsequent bypass surgery. The change required is significantly more than might be needed from a person who gets back surgery from a ruptured disc. That person may need to make some changes also to come back to full health but the shift(s) are not nearly so all-encompassing.

The main point I am trying to make is that healing and transformation are quite possible. Some transformations are large and difficult while others simply require developing a trust in the world and letting the world help them(rather than them fixing themselves). Curative intent is a great goal for patient and healer. We often do not realize just how accessible healing is. We live in a very amazing time where there are technologies available to help us when we are ready to get unstuck. Sometimes it is just a matter of having faith in others enough to let ourselves be healed. Sometimes we have to dig deep and make radical changes. In either case, transformation is possible and healing can happen.

More Powerful than a Locomotive

2010-11-11T15:24:00.000-08:00

I have always enjoyed the Superman introduction... "more powerful than a locomotive; faster than a speeding bullet; able to leap tall buildings in a single bound !!" While this describes the powers of Superman, to me, it also describes the power and speed of the mind-body connection. In my practice, I continue to be amazed at the amazing degree of havoc that can be wreaked when the mind is out of control and unharnessed. Last week I worked with a very kind, smart lady who was having full bowel obstruction symptoms after periods of prolonged diarrhea. The expression "feel it in the gut" captures this capacity of the body to experience mind chaos. Her scenario quickly resolved when she became aware of the tie between her mind and gut and she was able to remedy the life situation that was sending her into a tailspin.

She is not alone in this situation. As a primary care doctor, every day brought in many people with other manifestations of this powerful circuit. Body pain (headaches, back pain, fibromyalgia), insomnia, gastroesophageal reflux, fatigue, chest pains, raised blood pressure are only the tip of the iceburg of conditions that people present with when stressed, depressed or angry. Even major conditions (heart attacks, cancer, multiple sclerosis to name a few) are exacerbated and initiated by emotional stressors. The body does not live separate from the mind. Ignoring the role and power of the mind is convenient and easier but "feelings buried alive never die". Body symptoms are very often an indicator of emotional distress.

So why am I bringing up what we all already know? This is not a new revelation. The reason I bring it up is that there is so much that can be done with this understanding. Yes, the mind can make us sick but also, the mind can make us well. This very same mind-body connection can be utilized, harnessed and put into action in the pursuit of healing. People can get well when their mind is their friend again. Healthy solutions can be created and put into action once an individual
becomes aware of this connection and consciously uses it to bring health and well-being. Hypnosis can often "re-wire" errant thoughts that are sabotaging good health. Fortunately, using the unconscious(hypnosis) is not often necessary to make healthful changes. Once people become aware of a negative pattern or thought process, they can frequently change that perception or belief and magically life opens up and body healing happens.

Letting go of toxic emotions, resolving chronic conflict, forgiving ourselves or another who has hurt us all can open new doors. Speaking openly can be freeing. Letting out swallowed tears relaxes the body in ways that even the best massage cannot. Finding peace through conflict resolution, forgiveness or by becoming aware can provide one with a whole new lease on life. There are many, many ways that the body can heal without(or with) medicines when negative emotions(anger, depression, fear) give way to positive emotions(joy, peace, fun, happiness, connection, compassion). This is not "woo-woo" stuff--this is real, everyday life and possibility.

I am fortunate to be seeing it in my practice. I attribute my witnessing of these exciting shifts to being able to spend more time and "go deeper". In the end, the mind-body connection is our kryptonite or it can be our savior. Which way will it be be for you?

Rat Poison or Life Giving Potion

2010-11-03T15:58:00.000-07:00

A friend called last week worried about her dad. He is not a hysterical person at all and he was worried he was going to die. He blamed his"darn coumadin". He was having a whole slew of symptoms including dizziness, exhaustion, general malaise, poor balance, chest pains, nausea, headache, decreased mental sharpness and the night before I met him he felt like I could die". He had seen his doctors and had his medicines adjusted because of low blood pressure and pulse. This did not make him feel better. His pulse and blood pressures which were both low(they always have run low his whole life) did NOT correlate with his negative symptoms. His labs were ok. His echocardiogram turned out ok(he had had previous heart surgery). Although his symptoms seemed like they could be heart failure, this was not the case.

We talked several times over the next few days between his tests. He was convinced it was his coumadin. His doctors here and previous doctors from the Mayo Clinic told him he had to take coumadin. He thought it was killing him. He was in a tough position. It is really hard to take a pill every day that you think is hurting you.

Over the next few days, he shifted in his attitude toward coumadin. He came to realize that it was ABSOLUTELY necessary and it was not going to harm him. He "befriended" his coumadin and resumed taking it. He took it with a peaceful heart. His symptoms all went away. He came back to feeling well. His mind was once again at peace and his body followed suit.

This case reinforced what I have come to believe about healing. (1) Our perceptions and beliefs mean everything when it comes to health and healing. (2) Things may not always make sense to me but they make sense when viewed through the eyes of the patient (3) Healing happens when beliefs shift(taking the coumadin(previously thought of as "rat poison") with a positive perspective makes all the difference. Major symptoms dissolve when attitudes shift.

It took a long time and many sources(his wife, daughter, 2 cardiologists, and me) to change his perception and beliefs but when he shifted, all returned to peace. No pacemaker necessary. No hospitalization or further medicines. Just a shift in beliefs. Wow!

My Senior Group Last week

2010-11-03T15:04:00.000-07:00

I run a senior health forum in the village of Del Mar. I have always loved groups as I believe that there is a power that comes when a group of individuals come together and share life and open their hearts to each other. This definitely happened last week when we welcomed Reverend Nancy Conklin to our group. Nancy is a Unity minister and works as a hospice chaplain for San Diego Hospice. She and I became friends several years ago when she would bring a lady from her parish to my senior group at Scripps. She was part of our group for 3 years. During this time she became a hospice chaplain and has now been working for San Diego Hospice for 3 years. She is no average person. She has light that comes out of her that is so bright and so loving that anyone around her feels joy, peace and positivity. She brought her usual energy to our group and literally lit us up.

Mind you, we were talking about hospice and the end of life. While this can be a heavy topic, our session was anything but heavy. She took all the fear out of dying. She spoke of the peace that comes with the freedom associated with the end of suffering. She was not "pollyanna"; she was real and we all felt it. She spoke of being with hundreds of dying patients at the moment of their passing and this was universal; peace comes. There may be struggle, discomfort and pain during the dying process but it always gives way to peace. She is human; she doesn't know where we go after we die but she has a faith that is stronger than anything or anyone I have ever met.

I walked away changed. I think the seniors did too. When the #1 fear in life melts away into nothingness, we can be free to truly live and to live freer and less afraid. We got a gift. The world needs to hear that gift. It can change lives. Thank you Nancy.

The Next Phase

2010-11-03T14:19:00.000-07:00

I now have my own medical practice. I am open for business and eager to help people heal and get healthy. I am going to try to write about my experiences helping people as my way to help myself understand what exactly healing is and how it can be facilitated.

It seems the standard medical world is excited and recharged by the amazing possibilities that are arising out of all the new technological innovations that are now here and are definitely coming soon. Smart phones seem destined to revolutionize medical delivery with the incredible things that can be accomplished with our own personal computers that we carry in our pockets or purses. Our homes stand to become mini intensive care units if that is needed and medicine will continue to expand its power outside the hospital and clinic. I am truly grateful to this new progress(which gave me a healing that literally brought me back to life) and am excited to witness the revolutionary forces that are shaping our lives. The possibilities are mind-blowing.

While I am excited to witness this "wild ride", what I wish to focus on and be is an "old-time" doctor with a black bag whose main tools are my ears, my heart and my creativity. I plan to(and have started) helping people get well with a simple strategy. I listen hard for the pearls in their story and guide them to see their situation with new eyes. I do not forsake the technology that is now available. To the contrary, we have an unparalleled opportunity to know what is happening in the body and visualize the structure and function of any system and I want that information. With that knowledge, we(the patient and I) can venture forth toward healing, transformation and well-being. The technology gives us a picture and from here we can usher in changes that bring health. New perceptions, new beliefs, new approaches can unlock the blocks and barriers that have kept us down and made us weak and ill. There is a world of possibility out there that we can tap into. Technology shows us the current state; changing our beliefs can bring a new(and often) a better state.

My coming blogs will detail the stories I have been fortunate enough to witness. Of course, the names will be changed but the stories are real. Healing can happen and I want to talk about it.

Further Clarification of What I Do

2010-09-22T10:48:00.000-07:00

What is it that makes my medical practice special?
Why would someone come to me rather than continue with their regular doctor(s)?
Why would someone spend cash on a medical consult rather than go the regular route and stay in the medical system?

These questions are extremely important and relevant to my new medical practice. I am attempting to offer a service that is not currently available within "the system" or anywhere that I am aware of. I am a "regular doctor" by training and have practiced in the "system" for nearly 20 years. However, it became very clear to me early in my career that standard medicine only offered the tip of the iceberg of what true healing involved. During my first 20 years of medical work I learned that healing and getting well involved so much more than brief office visits, prescription medicines and medical procedures. I went on an extensive, learning journey in the world of healing and learned great lessons. I explored the worlds of psychology, complementary medicine and the critical world of lifestyle medicine(peoples' daily routines, habits and behaviors). In addition, my personal experience with Multiple Sclerosis and the healing that I received with the Liberation Procedure propelled me on a journey that has been both transformative for me personally and showed me that healing comes first from the formation of new perceptions and beliefs. Once an individual perceives of his or her situation with "new eyes"and then subsequently forms new beliefs about his or her ability to master and work with their challenge, then a new world of possibility opens and transformation is possible.

This is what I wish to offer: new eyes to view old problems. A road to transformation and change; allowing people to break out of their "stuck" places and move forward into new freedom and a fuller life equipped with the tools and skills and support to become who they want to be.

I am no longer a primary care physician. I am no longer in the system. I am there for people when they wish to make changes and get "unstuck". Change is possible and it is within all of our grasps. With time(1-2 hour visits) and focused attention on your story, I can help you get to where you want to go. Come on in and find your new eyes.

My Practice Part IV The Process

2010-09-07T09:50:00.000-07:00

The most important part of the work I do comes from the history. I need to know (1) the person and (2) the diagnosis and how it came to manifest in the person and (3) How the person perceives of his or her condition and what beliefs they have about their situation.

Getting to know the person and the ways that they interact with the world is paramount. I want to know the basics -- their personal history, what they do for work and play, their career, their habits, their family(both family of origin and current family). I want to know their medical history and family medical history. I really value hearing about their support system -- friends, family and who they feel they can turn to in times of stress.

As a doctor, I need to know about their diagnoses both past and present. I review their medicines and experiences with medicines in the past. I really value hearing about how their interactions with the medical world have gone in their past. I review tests and the evaluation leading to their current situation as necessary.

Next(and this is the part that I believe separates me from other doctors) I want to understand how the individual perceives their diagnosis and situation. What do they know and understand about their challenge? What are their beliefs about their diagnosis and situation? What are their beliefs about the treatments that they have experienced or are being offered to them? Why do they think that this situation is in their life? How does this fit in with their life philosophies and values? What do they feel are the things that are blocking them from getting better/well? This dialogue is the true "pulp" of the interview. This conversation lays the groundwork for the future healing plan.

With all this information and the "data" that is available(lab tests, xrays, prior consultations from medical experts and other providers(psychologists, healers, etc), we then make an individualized
healing, care plan. This plan takes into account all of the above and my "gut feelings" regarding (1) the type(s) of people they will most positively interact with (2) the types of activities/behaviors they are most likely to adopt and practice and (3) their beliefs and perceptions that need re-evaluating and changing in order for healing to evolve. I then outline and give them my healing plan that is specific to them. This is always multifaceted but always includes: (1) a new way to look at their situation (2) referrals to people who can support this new perspective(physical therapists, counselors, complementary practitioners, or new specialty doctors with approaches more in line with their values) (3) resources to expand their knowledge or open their eyes to new possibilities and (4) ways to expand their support system that will reinforce their new beliefs and approach to their challenge.

From here, I make sure they are clear about the plan and make it easy for them to follow-up with me for future tailoring and incorporation of the new way(s) of being into their lives.

My New Practice Part III Options and Choices

2010-09-07T05:43:00.000-07:00

At the very heart of what I wish to offer people is a wide variety of options and choices that are customized to the beliefs and values of each individual. There is never just one path to healing; health for one person may look quite different in another. It is here that the medical system is sometimes limited. The rapid and widespread growth of alternative and complementary medicine speaks to this issue. One size does not fit all. People need customized approaches that fit who they are and what they value. By truly getting to know the people with whom I work, I can offer customized care plans that can allow them to be successful in reaching their goals. Further, general approaches to healing(ie psychology or acupuncture) can be quite different experiences depending on with whom one is working. Finding the right person(the one with whom you connect and respect) makes all the difference when trying to get well.

As an example, let's look at coronary artery disease. At the root of the problem is blocked arteries. How to get them open is the task of healing but there are a wide variety of ways to get to this goal. Cardiologists use stents and balloons to acutely open narrowings. Cardiovascular surgeons use bypass grafting to re-establish flow. The cholesterol-lowering drugs can create reversal in the blockage process although this may take time. In addition, lifestyle changes(nutrition, exercise, stress reduction) can also lead to re-opening of blocked vessels(again requiring time and persistence). So different people with "blocked arteries" may need quite different approaches. In the acute setting(ie after or during a heart attack), the approach is very different from the chronic management. The acute setting is usually managed by doctors in the hospital. The chronic setting is usually an outpatient, long-term challenge. It is in the chronic situation, that an "integrative" approach may be optimal( ie using medicine to lower cholesterol AND making lifestyle changes that improve blood flow and decrease the laying down of blockages). Further, each individual brings a life situation and a unique style of dealing with that situation to the table.So, we can see that there are many ways to get to health and each individual and each situation is quite different. There is not just one path to healing; there are many ways. In addition, each individual brings to the table their own challenges and unique circumstances that make their situation unlike every other.

Healing is a complicated challenge but the most worthwhile of ventures. Working with a health partner who sees both the general disease process but also the individual who is facing the challenge can make all the difference. I am committed to being just this kind of guide. Everyone has a story and a history that make them unique. Working with each individual in a slow, deep way reveals the path to healing. Having options and healing choices that are ideally suited for you, creates a power and healing energy that is just not available when one is fit into a "one size fits all" approach. There are a nearly infinite number of health challenges and also a nearly infinte number of ways to approach these challenges. Healing is available to everyone; finding the right path for YOU is absolutely essential. Having options and choices gives you the freedom to get well.

My New Practice Part II End of Life Care

2010-09-06T06:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I described part of the service (my approach to behavior change) which I provide when people come to see me as a doctor. Today, I would like to explore a very different yet very integral part of my practice. End of life care is a big, black box for so many Americans and it can be scary and quite overwhelming. As everyone seems to have a different path medically, spiritually and emotionally when our time comes, it seems difficult to even talk about this topic. However, in my experience, the more openly we face and discuss the inevitable end of life, the better the process seems to go. In fact, bringing conscious awareness to this phase of life can actually allow the time to be meaningful, fulfilling, and relatively free of the suffering we associate with it. That it is not to say that there is not some struggle and difficulty associated with "leaving the body" and our lives. There always is a major challenge with this time of life but when it is approached with a "holistic" perspective as opposed to a "body-only", medical one where death is the enemy and life is something we cling to, oftentimes, suffering is increased and tremendous opportunities are missed.

In my experience, people who have a spiritual approach to life and death generally tend to fare better when the end of life comes. A belief in an afterlife or re-incarnation tends to allow for continued hope and a more positive approach as one's time on earth nears its end. However, this is not a requirement for making the transition time less medical and more fulfilling. The medical world tends to "medicalize" the end of life focusing on whatever it can do to prolong life and de-emphasize the psychospiritual aspects of the experience. The hospice movement has greatly improved this time for many people bringing comfort to the dying, support to their loved ones and a psychospiritual framework which allows this time to be incorporated into the fullness of a whole life. Indded, we are truly blessed to live in a time where hospice support is all around us.

The problem lies in the transition from life to death when death is not clearly going to ensue in the near future. At this time (especially when there is no life-ending diagnosis), individuals can become lost in the "medical" world without a clear path out. Fear, sadness and suffering often accompany this state as people "battle" their conditions but do not quite know why. It is here that I believe I can be helpful. Openly discussing an individual's situation with or without loved ones can open the closed and scary doors and bring a peace and a plan that provide much more comfort than a quick pharmaceutical or another medical intervention. There is a whole world of care that can be delivered even when a situation is not clear with defined diagnoses. The key to working through these situations is open communication. The earlier these conversations occur, the better. The more open the conversations are, the more love and closeness become available.

When people come to acceptance and comfort in their place, suffering dissolves. Fear of the unknown is often worse than fear of death. Prolonged physical suffering without an envisioned route out is much scarier and disturbing than when the truth is known and options and comfort are accessible. There is so much that can be done for someone even when a disease or condition cannot be cured. Love, support, touch, and compassion go a very long way and when they work in concert with good supportive medical care, everyone does better (patients and their caregivers). We have come a very long way in our capacity to support people in their end of life; opening the conversations beyond the medical is the doorway to a better path.

My New Practice Part I Behavior Change

2010-09-05T06:11:00.000-07:00

I am now open for business. I have started seeing patients in my new office and in their homes. Actually doing the work has made it abundantly clear that this is the work I am meant to do. So what is it that I offer?

By allowing for time in a relaxed setting, we(the client and I) are able to explore their situation in a depth and fullness that is just not possible in brief office visits. The history and development of the patterns and habits that make up the individual's life can be explored and understood. The emotions and thoughts that go along with the behaviors also come to light. By listening with full presence and bringing attention to not only the story but the beliefs behind the story, we can begin to uncover the roots of the patterns that can lead to "stuckness" or repetitive, unconscious and undesirable behavior patterns. We all learn behavior patterns in our developmental years as part of our maturation that allow us to cope with our emotions and situations. These patterns become entrenched over the years and may be helpful transiently but incongruent to our overall goals and aspirations. The chemistry of our behavior patterns may not be immediately obvious (how food or other substances) can provide comfort when we feel sad, angry or scared; but we all find what works for us. Using our substance or behavior of choice allows us not to feel our pain. The problem comes when we realize that these patterns of behavior are hurting us while they get us through the rough spots.

Change and becoming "unstuck" evolves out of developing a conscious awareness of our thoughts and feelings that lead to repetitive behavior patterns. The reason that true change is so rare in our world(quitting smoking, losing and maintaining weight loss, developing and continuing an exercise program) is that we do not operate at the level of belief. We try to use our will to change the behavior and the fundamental beliefs which underly the behaviors are not known , explored or changed. However, if we bring the light of awareness to the darkness and isolation surrounding our patterns and then find and remember new beliefs, we can move to a better place. With unconditional support and a firm resolve, life can and does change. However, the key is developing new perceptions and beliefs.

Once we are being guided by new beliefs, we become free and obtain the power and energy to change ourselves and maintain that very healthy change. This is true empowerment. We are no longer trapped victims; we are free and conscious. The world then becomes much bigger and more open.

6 month update and announcement

2010-08-23T07:36:00.000-07:00

Wow, it is has been 6 weeks since my last writing. I am currently in Lake Tahoe on holiday with Grace and our puppies. It is amazingly beautiful here. We have come here in the summers intermittently over the past 20 years. Last summer was very difficult for me as I could not sleep and was extremely limited in my activities. It was the lowest I have ever been in my memory. Hiking amidst the beauty is what we love and not being physically able was very hard on me mentally. Thanks to the Liberation Procedure and lots of rehab/re-training, I am very happy to say that I am back on the trails and able to see, feel and experience the beauty again. I am deeply grateful to once again be a participator in this magical life. Nature has always been my temple/church and movement in nature truly lights my fire. Swimming in Lake Tahoe and the surrounding mountain lakes rejuvenates me in ways that nothing I have ever experienced can or does.

My favorite hike here -- Five Lakes -- is a rigorous hike up to 5 beautiful mountain lakes. I was not able to do the hike last year but I was again blessed this year. Swimming in the main lake felt like a true re-birth for me ; I was proud that I could make the ascent and the beauty was even greater than I remember it. Swimming multiple times in the chilly water was the greatest gift I can imagine. Sharing the experience with Grace and my friends John and Nance made it all the better. Thank you God for the amazing beauty of this world and thank you Paolo Zamboni for your courage, brilliance and fortitude in bringing forth to the world a new treatment for an old disease.

I have continued to slowly improve since my Liberation Procedure 6 months ago. I am fully able to engage in my favorite activities of biking, hiking and swimming. My dream of again running is limited to relatively short jaunts in the middle of hikes. I am still hopeful that with more time, fortitude and energy that running can again be in my repertoire. For now, getting small tastes of this fruit is enough.

I am now preparing to re-emerge in the medical world. I have deeply missed the connection and fulfillment that that I get from being a doctor. I have taken time away with the intention of choosing a right path for myself. Working in the current system has caused me great frustration throughout my career as I have tried to fit into the current medical model. I realize that I just cannot practice in this way any longer. While I have always shied away from being a solo practitioner, I realize that this is the only way for me as I have to do it my own way. Blaming the system, my bosses or anyone is no longer acceptable.

I will be based very close to my home in Del Mar at a counseling office. My friend Steve Bierman has graciously offered to share his very healing office with me. I will be there Monday, Tuesday and Wednesdays and will do home visits on Thursday and Fridays. I plan to do extended visits(1-2 hours) with the goal of offering time to my clients which will open up possibilities for healing that just cannot evolve out of a brief encounter. I plan to offer what I have written about in this blog -- emotional support, a wide range of options both medical and "complementary" and a deep down belief that healing can happen. I hope to help people face, work with and master their medical and physical challenges as well as help people at the end of life find peace and comfort in making their transition. In short, I will be the doctor I have always wanted to be. I hope to bring to my community and to anyone motivated to feel better an approach and style that promotes healing and well-being. I have learned much in my varied travels as a doctor and have more recently experienced first hand what it is to heal. I look forward to sharing my knowledge, experience and my heart with those on their own healing journeys.

My new practice opens September 1st. For appointments, please call Tarin at (858) 259-8333.

FLOW

2010-07-10T16:17:00.000-07:00

A big part of Chinese Medicine as I understand it is the maintenance of the flow of chi (life energy). The blockages in the veins of the neck(CCSVI) are big blockers of chi. The recent discovery of this mechanism of disease in Multiple Sclerosis patients is very much in line with the Chinese medical principles. The Liberation Procedure is a giant gate back to the world of flow. Maintaining flow once it has been re-established is the ongoing wonderful opportunity now given to us. Flow is the optimal state of being for all living organisms. Flow can be generated and maintained with a steady, regular routine.

Dr. Roy Swank grasped this concept and guided multitudes of MS patients to longer, healthier lives with his MS diet. He was way ahead of his time and his diet promoted flow. Cutting out animal fat, decreasing total fat, and eliminating processed food combined with eating lots of fruits, vegetables, beans, seeds, nuts, whole grains, and fish provides the nourishment necessary to keep the flow going. Fat (particularly saturated and trans types) cause all sorts of "circulatory slowing" behaviors that hurt MS patients as well as coronary artery disease patients. Swank's study showed marked improvements in outcomes for MS patients that went on for years. Now combining the promise of the Liberation Procedure with the nourishment that Swank outlined and others(Dean Ornish, John McDougall, and millions of Mediteraneans) have followed, MS patients can live fully once again.

Supplementing with fish oil and vitamin D also promotes flow. The mechanisms are still unclear but both seem to have effects on preventing clot formation and stagnant flow.

The medicines aspirin and Plavix also work by preventing clot formation. These are now staples for heart patients and MS patients after the Liberation Procedure.

Exercise definitely promotes flow. Blood vessels relax, the heart pumps more and faster, the sympathetic nervous system is "quieted", platelets(the blood clotting cells) get less "sticky". There is abundant experimental proof of the remarkable benefits of any kind of exercise on the flow of blood through the body.

Stress reduction through music, art, tai chi, yoga, xi gong, meditating, praying, talking to friends all improve flow. All these activities and ones like them all promote flow. Peace, calmness, joy, fun, laughing and pleasure are all infinitely good for our minds, bodies and blood flow. The opposite emotions hurt our bodies in many ways we do not see.

This list is by no means exhaustive. There are SO many good things we can do for ourselves to promote flow and prevent the blockage of chi. Getting a massage or acupuncture can allow flow where it has been blocked. Forgiving ourselves or others that have hurt us can provide a release of toxicity and negativity that create chronic drains of life giving energy. Reconnecting with ourselves, our higher purpose and whatever we use to guide our way brings flow back to our bodies, our blood and our lives.

Flow is our natural state but it is so easily lost in our crazy world. The beautiful thing is that it can be re-established. MS patients now have an amazing opportunity to return to the flow of full life. The Liberation Procedure can open our wounds; the technology associated with 21st century medicine can literally hold open the gates and then we can live a life that lets flow be the way.

Keeping the veins OPEN

2010-07-08T05:54:00.000-07:00

The recent article in the New York Times on CCSVI and the Liberation Procedure From M.S. Patients, Outcry for Unproved Treatment - NYTimes.com brings up a critical issue for those fortunate enough to have received the procedure. Restenosis is a significant issue and requires a full scale effort to prevent. I do believe it is preventable but first it needs to be addressed and preventative strategies put in place. Some of these strategies are the responsibility of the interventional radiologist and the stents he utilizes; some are the medicines utized after the procedure; and some fall on the shoulders of the patients. It is truly an integrative approach which keeps veins open. There is much known about restenosis from the coronary artery disease realm; ever since the invention and widespread use of angioplasty for heart arteries and subsequently stent placements, cardiologists and medical device researchers have been in a "battle" to fight this formidable adversary. This research and understanding is extremely applicable to the "lucky ones" who have been liberated. Maintenance of liberation is a very high priority mission!

Restenosis is usually broken down into categories based on the amount of time since the procedure. A very good, technical discussion of restenosis in relation to heart arteries can be found at the following link from Wikipedia: Restenosis - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Thus, there are two basic scenarios: first, in early restenosis, the body has an acute reaction resulting from the trauma to the inside of blood vessel walls occuring during the procedure resulting in the body attempting to heal this trauma and "overhealing" the area causing clot to form. Clot inside stents or newly opened vessels with balloon angioplasty is bad; closure of an opened vessel is the result. This form of restenosis is prevented with blood thinning agents used during the procedure and then taken after the procedure for a period of time(recommendations vary from 3-12 months after the procedure). The usual standard for medical therapy after the procedure is aspirin and plavix. These medicines inhibit platelets(the blood clotting cells) from adhering and forming a clot. They tend to increase a person's bleeding time as a consequence of their action but they are very good at what they do (preventing clotting). I bruise and bleed after minor traumas quite easily since starting these medicines but I have come to realize this is really good for me and the openness of my jugular veins.

The second type of restenosis is termed late restenosis. This usually occurs 3-6 months after the procedure. It results from a completely different mechanism than early restenosis. The scientific term for this form is "neointimal hyperplasia". This is a process that usually occurs inside a stent and results in proliferation of cells that line the inside of the blood vessels. These cells have microtubules which provide the structure and strength of the healing tissue. While we usually want solid structure and strength in our tissues, we do NOT want this tissue to become too thick blocking the blood vessel canal and leading to re-blockage. Thankfully, the developers of stents have been working on this issue for over a decade and have come up with really good strategies to inhibit this "thickening". The newer "drug-eluting" stents have significantly decreased the incidence of restenosis at this stage. Stents now usually have a drug which blocks the cell replication of the microtubles without injuring them thereby preventing the proliferation and "hyperplasia"(thickening). These drugs are chemotherapy agents used to fight cancer when used intravenously but they can be used in very low concentrations(100-1000 lower blood levels) delivered locally through the stent thus preventing the side effects that occur with systemic chemotherapy. With these technical advances, the incidence of restenosis at this stage has decreased from 30-40%(with angioplasty alone) to less than 5% with drug-eluting stents. Multiple Sclerosis patients are extremely fortunate to be able to benefit from the incredible research and technology which has evolved from the coronary artery angioplasty and stent revolution which has occured in the past 2 decades.

Lastly, there is an entity known as very late restenosis. This occurs about 1 year or more after procedures and may be a function of stopping anti-platelet therapy or may involve re-blockage from the same mechanisms that initially caused the blockages. Less is known about this entity and therapy may be more based on healthy lifestyle(see below) than medical, technological solutions.

Now, I have said a lot so far and may have overwhelmed some. That is NOT at all my intention.
I have given the "medical" side of the issue thus far. That is important to understand but is mostly up to our "liberators". There is a whole other side to the equation that we as patients and recipients of the Liberation Procedure can partake in to actively engage in our healing and liberation. This side is much less talked about in the medical literature but is every bit as important in my opinion and can make a world of difference in our healing outcomes. It involves the core of healthy living for MS patients, coronary artery patients and for truly all people. It addresses a core aspect of health: maintaining flow. Chinese medicine has focused on the flow of chi for five thousand years and now we MUST learn these lessons so that we can thrive, keep our veins and arteries open and heal. It is all very possible and not just up to the proceduralists and researchers who have developed this incredible technology. They give us a new beginning and we then are free to go forth and prosper. My next blog will go into depth on the maintenance of flow and the incredible power we have to get ourselves well and keep ourselves well.

But before that, I want to make it very clear: restenosis is preventable! Medical technology has led to dramatically decreasing restenosis rates in coronary artery disease and good self care can improve the prognosis even further. Aligning with the healing powers available to us can keep our vessels open. Believing in this possibility is the first step in getting a good result.

4 Month Update

2010-06-30T13:33:00.000-07:00

It has now been 4 months since I had the Liberation Procedure performed on my blocked jugular veins. I continue to improve. I walk several miles(usually 2-3) one or two times a day. My endurance is improving. My gait and balance are notably better(this is confirmed by physician friends who saw me before my procedure and since). I do hills without problem. My energy is good. This is the most notable of my improvements. I do not experience the exhaustion (both with exercise and as a part of everyday life) that was so much a part of my life prior to the procedure. I ride my bicycle 3 times a week including some very good inclines(most notably Torrey Pines hill). This level of activity was not possible for me over the last few years. I am beginning to include running in my walks. It does not feel good yet but I am running a little bit(at least 100 yards) every day.

Overall, I am infinitely grateful that I was able to get this procedure done on myself. I had faced a progressive decline over the last 5 years and now I am cycling up. I believe strongly that I will continue to improve as my brain is NOT exposed to blood and the inflammation associated with it. The neurologic deficits in my legs are improving albeit slowly. Time will tell how much healing I will get. I am eating more healthy now than I ever have before. I am motivated to keep my veins open and I believe their ongoing patency is a direct consequence of the foods I ingest.

I still take Plavix and a baby aspirin. I plan to continue the Plavix for 6 months post-procedure and the aspirin indefinitely.

I am sleeping better overall. I still have periods of insomnia which I relate to my neurotic tendencies. I am almost off all sleep medicines(formerly needed both Ativan and Remeron). I am off Ativan and weaning myself off Remeron. I am going slowly in this process as I get some "rebound"insomnia if I am too rapid in my tapering of Remeron.

I have not gone back to working as yet not because of any lack of energy or enthusiasm but because I am allowing myself the luxury to contemplate a new worklife and career that will be a tribute and reflection of the miraculous healing that I have been given. My return to health has revealed some great lessons to me about healing in general and about what is important and meaningful to me. I realize that my body was not the only thing that showed "multiple sclerosis". My mind also became rigid to the point of obsessiveness. I am allowing myself time and putting energy into healing this mental/emotional rigidity. I feel myself becoming not only "open" in my jugular veins but "open" in my heart and head.

My only regret is that others with multiple sclerosis who are more advanced than I ever was are being denied the gift of this healing. I read today a New York Times article From M.S. Patients, Outcry for Unproved Treatment - NYTimes.com on the procedure. There is a neurologist quoted as saying the biologic mechanism lacks plausibility. This is so incredibly arrogant, uneducated and actually indicative that this doctor is either financially beholden to the auto-immune theory(via drug company affiliations) or he is just plain ignorant. The auto-immune theory is the one lacking plausibility. Science always "grasped" at the possible hypotheses: post Epstein Barr viral infection, an immune system which suddenly turns on itself for completely unclear reasons.The venous theory that explains the location of the characteristic MS plaques(venocentric and scattered around the 3rd ventricle at the top of the venous plexus), the presence of venous malformations and blood as the etiology of the inflammation is infinitely more plausible than the traditional theory.

The national blockade(in the US and Canada) of this breakthrough healing approach is both shameful and embarrassing. However, the truth cannot and will not be suppressed. MS patients are too smart and too hungry for healing. Neurologists can bury their heads in the sand for as long as they want; the world will go right around their rigidity and self-interested greed. Mobility and freedom are at stake and nothing will block them from being recaptured by a very deserving crowd.

Book

2010-06-16T16:35:00.000-07:00

A really interesting book in my opinion--written by a professor at UCSD:

Connected: The Surprising Power of Our Social Networks and How They Shape Our Lives

James Fowler

Multiple Sclerosis

2010-06-14T11:55:00.000-07:00

So in my quest to be part of a new healing paradigm in medicine, I am healing myself. I was fortunate enough to have the "Liberation Procedure" early in its American course and I have reaped immense benefit. I am now "back in the game" with a world of possibility and promise. Part of me has still struggled despite my marked physical improvement. My writing is my attempt to "find my voice." I have always been afraid of authority figures and the medical system is one giant authority figure in my eyes and mind. So, while my body is healing, my mind and spirit have not yet broken through. My veins are open but my voice is still choked. My spirit is calling for freedom and it does not want to be denied. While I feel my brain is being cleared of the accumulated blood, iron and inflammation, my mind needs more for true health to unfold. I need to find my voice and my true power.

Thank you for letting this blog be my training ground. Health is not just physical; it is mind,body and spirit. For my mind and spirit to sing, it will take more than open veins. It will take a warrior mentality and a whole lot of energy. Physician heal thyself.

WHY

2010-06-14T10:41:00.000-07:00

So why did I write those last 8 entries. What are they for? What am I trying to say? do?

For over 15 years, I have felt a burning desire to be a part of changing the medical paradigm. It dates back to when I had the opportunity to work with the Dean Ornish Program for Reversing Heart Disease when it was offered at Scripps. I had the good fortune to learn about leading the groups(one of the 4 components of the program). Dr. Jim Billings taught me and all the members of our team. It was an extremely profound experience for me -- life changing. I was blown away by the power and emotion of the experience. He was a true master leader and had a profound effect on all of us as well as the heart patients. People opened their hearts in the group like I had never witnessed people do and we the students opened our hearts. The benefit to me was monumental. The benefits to the heart patients was truly liberating. It was so moving to witness a scared, frail heart patient first brave the experience and then be surrounded by love from all directions. Amazingly enough, this along with the other aspects of the program(healthy diet, exercise and meditation and yoga) led to true healings. People who were crippled by their symptoms got well.

Our team then went back to San Diego and delivered the program ourselves. We saw similar amazing results. In addition, the patients who could not "open" their emotional hearts did not get well. From my perspective, the other more popular parts of the program(the vegetarian diet, regular exercise and the stress management techniques) did not seem to correlate with outcomes nearly as well. For me, it was all about the group process--the ability to open the emotional heart and share oneself with others in an open, honest way and break through the walls that separate us.

I then brought this concept to my internal medicine practice. Scripps was experimenting with "shared medical appointments". I jumped at the opportunity. I had 3 different senior groups of 10-15 patients each. We selected patients based on a perception that they needed "more" than standard office visits. These people had similar experiences to the Ornish groups. They loved the experience and their health improved. We bonded in these monthly sessions and the connection carried on throughout the month. I enjoyed these groups enormously. I only wanted more of the same.

I have subsequently become "stuck" in my work-life. I cannot see the point in continuing medical practice "the old way". I have always felt that I have seen the light--connection is the vital ingredient that elderly, infirm patients need more than medicine, technological solutions, or any other therapy. In my mind, connection is the answer to the "healthcare crisis"; we are treating patients with modern medicine and what they need is old-fashioned love and attention.

I have subsequently left my medical practice(several times) always with the intention of bringing this paradigm shift to a hungry world. However, my naivety, lack of entrepreneurial skills, and fear have rendered me quite powerless in my quest. I have been and continue to be disappointed and let down that this form of medical care has not blossomed in the world. It does exist but the movement is slow and plodding.

Now again, there is talk of change. There is an awareness that "chronic disease" is what is killing our health care system which is attempting to manage "chronic" conditions with a therapeutic approach that is designed for "acute" care. I have the good fortune to get to attend a meeting this coming weekend that will be addressing these issues and plans to provide advice and guidance to congress and President Obama regarding the future of health care delivery.

I am elated to be a part of a change force. I want to be part of the solution. I realize that I have let connection and a new way of being in our health system become an unhealthy obsession for me. I want to be with people again and help usher in a parallel tract in our system that will compliment our magnificent "acute" delivery model. I have become isolated by my refusal to acclimate to the current state of our system. I want back on the team but I want the team to change and be the healing force it can be. I pray from the bottom of my heart that my world opens again and the health system opens its heart and mind to its possible greatness.

My 8 image with its surrounding 8 principles (love, forgiveness, hope/faith, connection/community, peace, gratitude, nourishment and movement) is my way of illuminating the path to health (which I have defined as living with energy, freedom and authenticity). I fully realize this is just a conception but I sincerely hope we can get our health system moving in a healthier direction in the very near future. We all deserve it.

LOVE

2010-06-13T12:16:00.000-07:00

At the top of the 8 (our symbol leading to health), stands love. Love is the fuel of all of the other components of our quest for health. It is what separates foods that come from nature from foods that are processed, synthesized and mass produced. It is the energy of the "endorphin rush" which arises from sustained movement and deep connection. It is the heart and soul of and the byproduct of forgiveness. It gives us hope and sustains our faith. Gratitude is the remembering of love while peace is the resting place and home of love. It is truly the energy which makes the world go round.

We are born with love in our hearts and it is our ongoing challenge to remember it and nurture it. To me, the goal of life is to remember the flame of love in our hearts. The journey of life is filled with so many ups and downs, goods and bads, lessons and challenges that we often forget what or who we are but when we remember love, we come home to the beauty and magic that lights the world.

By finding the love in our hearts, we can live more fully and be guided with purpose and meaning because the love inside each of us IS the gift that we each bring to our world. It manifests differently for each one of us but it is what makes us who we are. It is our job to find it, harness it and let it fly!

Community/Connection

2010-06-13T11:24:00.000-07:00

We've reached the upper half of the circle of 8. Community and connection lie at the base of the upper circle. In combination, they are the base/core of a true spirituality. Connection is the act of eliminating separation and the process of coming together with another of our comrades on this journey of life. The overcoming of separation and isolation is one of the true goals in life and therefore a major component of health. Connecting with our brothers and sisters can be extremely challenging given how different we can be on the surface of things. Overcoming color, culture and personality differences is certainly not easy. Breaking through the walls which separate us--our differences--and coming to respect, honor and even like our fellow travelers requires a willingness and a capacity for understanding, empathy and patience. However, the prize is truly magnificent. A relationship; a kinship; a partnership. If one is fortunate enough and willing to work with the inherent challenges, a community can even form whereby more than 2 separate selves brave the chasm and come into relationship. When a common goal or doctrine brings the group together, the community tightens and strengthens. Much can be overcome when a common purpose unites a group.

In my view, connection and community are every bit as important as food and water. They may not provide chemical substrate for life but they provide vital elements that make life worth living. While we in America value the "rugged individualist", this image is really not what we aspire to. While individual accomplishment and strength are great, there is an energy and elevation that evolve out of relationship that cannot be reached by any individual effort. The power of connection and community is what drives us as humans and us as part of the animal kingdom. When an "I" becomes "we", there is magic and a higher level of life.

The illusion of separateness is quite easy to see and focus on as we each inhabit or own bodies. However, there is a commonality which yearns for bridging and connecting that is very much a part of our circuitry. Finding the connection and overcoming the separation is very much what our lives are all about. At the end of the day, what we remember and value is what brings us together NOT what makes us separate. Connection and community are who we are and remembering this and pursuing this brings us to health as much as any other factor.

HOPE/FAITH

2010-06-12T13:39:00.000-07:00

Hope and faith are so closely linked that I could not separate them. They both point to a deep feeling of trust that can cannot be clearly localized but has a stronger pull on us than any other force. Hope and faith create the unknown places in medicine. How long will they live? The miracle cure. The placebo effect. These are examples of the powers of hope and faith. They energize the weak or injured or ill. They can overpower the most deadly of afflictions.

How two people perceive of a situation is determined by the lenses through which they view the situation. When supported by the energy and power which come from faith and hope, healing can be quite a different experience. Whether the faith be in a higher power or in a unifying force or in a doctor does not matter. If one believes in their core that there is reason for their situation and they can see a way for them to get well, then it just might happen. There are numerous documented studies on the power of our belief and intention. These are the vehicles of hope and faith.

These forces can also be "strengthened" with focus and conscious attention. Just like an exercised muscle, hope and faith increase in magnitude and strength if the master develops this circuit. Alignment with hope and faith guides any experience along a less bumpy road.

Hope and faith are intimate parts of my definition of health (living with energy, freedom and authenticity) as they guide one's attention during all experiences. They can provide the light on an unlit path. The spirit with which one approaches a situation defines that situation. Having hope and faith provides the perception of self-efficacy and agency. Faith in oneself or in one's power(as a result of external support from God) runs deep. It can make all the difference.

Forgiveness

2010-06-12T11:49:00.000-07:00

Forgiveness is at the base of my figure 8 which is the path and the outline for the attainment of health(living with energy, freedom, and authenticity). The reason for this is because of the monumental importance of letting go of our anger, resentment, hatred, and all negative states. Peace, love, health, and any truly positive state can only be accessed if we let go of our deeply held negativity.

Forgiveness is first and foremost something we do for ourselves. It really does not have anything to do with others. We forgive them but we do not need them to accept or receive our gift. In fact, the recipient does not need to be aware of our blessing. It is truly only for us. We are choosing not to hold on to our grievances or animosities. We are letting go. We are setting ourselves free of our suffering.

Suffering evolves out of our perceptions. We were hurt by another. They didn't care about us. Why me? How could they do that after all we have been through? These perceptions whether right or wrong hurt us deeply. We may not be in the wrong; we may be the victim. However, over time, it is our holding of this animosity in our body and our minds that steals our peace, takes away our gratitude, and makes us a prisoner of our own making.

Quite possibly, the most important person to forgive is ourselves. Far too often, we can stay angry at ourselves for our perceived weakness, a mistake we believe we have made, or an imperfection in our way of being. While we might be able to forgive someone else for similar behavior, we find this behavior or state in ourselves to be inexcusable or unacceptable. We thereby go through life rejecting who we are or finding a part of ourselves to be shameful. This kind of hurt creates infinite suffering as rejection of ourselves is even more painful than being rejected by others. The only cure for this suffering is to forgive ourselves. No one else has to know but this internal act can liberate years of pain.

Forgiveness is our gift to ourselves. It provides the release from suffering. No one else has to know. It puts us on the road to health; it puts us back in the game.

PEACE

2010-06-12T10:54:00.001-07:00

Another pillar of the foundation of health is peace. The ability to cultivate peace is crucial to the ongoing maintenance of a healthy mind, body and spirit. The actual cultivation and holding of peace is challenging in our chaotic, frenetic and too often disconnected world. The pace of life in our country and throughout the world seems to be ever increasing. The demands placed on most of us often overwhelms and can even paralyze us. Returning to a state of peace is both necessary for rejuvenation and critical for ongoing clarity and full functioning. Creativity and innovation evolve much more readily out of a peaceful mind and body.

Sleep is our time for rest and rejuvenation. Sleep requires that we be able to let go of the tasks and responsibilities of the day and literally "fall" into a peaceful state. We all realize how important this period of recovery is to our ability to keep functioning in the world. Missing even 2 nights sleep in a row is a rapid reminder of how absolutely crucial peace is to our ability to care for ourselves, our families, and our life responsibilities. But peace goes well beyond our nocturnal rejuvenation time. In the language of the body, peace brings balance to our nervous system. An overly charged sympathetic nervous system may be of benefit during brief times of stress but chronic over-stimulation leads to a multitude of body and mind symptoms and dysfunctions. Peace is the antidote to these states.

Peace like gratitude can be cultivated and nurtured. First, it must be valued and then it can be found. The body has built in mechanisms to create peace. The breath is an ever present opportunity to create peace. Even a brief respite with focus on the say 5 breaths can bring about a dramatic change in the body and mind. Like exercise, higher levels of well-being and further benefits accrue with development of sustained efforts and focus in this regard (ie meditation) but there is significant inroads to peaceful states even with brief ventures into concentrated focus on the breath. Exercise can also help bring peace by several mechanisms one of which is the simple "burning off" of body tension. Combining the cultivation of peace with a focus on gratitude can take the individual to very good places. Indeed, peace and gratitude are great partners in one's quest for health. Also, utilizing forgiveness can help one to let go of chronic agitation in the mind and body allowing peace to come forward.

We all struggle both individually and collectively with finding peace. War is the ultimate manifestation of an absence of peace. Unfortunately, war is way too much a part of both our individual lives and our collective. However, we can all end our individual wars and be a part of ending the collective wars of our cultures, religions and governments. The solution starts within each of us as we learn to cultivate peace. When we can find it in ourselves, we can help others to find it and learn to cultivate it. True health can only come when we know how to access and choose to regularly foster peace.

Gratitude

2010-06-11T13:33:00.000-07:00

The state of being grateful is extremely important component of being healthy. Indeed having an attitude of gratitude is mutually exclusive with being angry, cynical, depressed or unhappy. If and when one is truly grateful, an entirely different part of the brain and mind is at play than when one is dwelling in the negative emotions.

So what is it to be grateful. I believe we have all experienced this emotion at some time in our lives. To be grateful requires one to be content with his or her place. To be thankful. It can be a transient state like after receiving a gift or it can be more like a personality trait. Recent research shows it to be one of the most powerful of human emotions explaining why one cannot experience negative emotions simultaneous to feeling grateful. It is very predictive of happiness and well-being.

Gratitude can be learned and practiced. People keeping "gratitude journals" were shown to be generally happier and less depressed than controls. This is really important because as this is true, one can practice and "develop the muscles" of gratitude. In fact, a state of gratitude does not depend on one's circumstance or situation. An attitude of gratitude is truly a choice not the accumulation of good fortune.

It is amazing to experience the shift that occurs when one focuses on gratitude as opposed to a negative emotional state. It is really a palpable feeling when I make such a shift. The research on this state and the other positive emotions is just in its infancy but much seems like it will be learned as this very positive state is studied and understood.

For now, it seems apparent that putting our focus on this state has the capacity to align us with our goal of getting healed. The power of this internal shift is enormous. We all have darkness in our lives, bodies and environments. However, as Victor Frankl preached: "The problem is not the problem; the problem is your attitude about the problem".

If my definition of health(health is living with energy, freedom, and authenticity) is in any way correct, then choosing an attitude of gratitude is a prime example of freedom and can light the path to health. This enormously significant tool is always available and always in our tool box. Through awareness of this true gift, we become more empowered and more of an asset to those in our world who are looking for the light but are stumbling in the dark.

Movement

2010-06-11T11:59:00.000-07:00

At the very root of a program to regain health lies the absolute necessity of daily movement. The body is built for functioning and for ambulating and it loses its amazing capacity if not used. Injuries and ailments may make the flow and fluidity of the body less ideal but they are not a reason for stagnation. Life is flow and if we want to keep the privelege of inhabiting our bodies then we have to use our bodies.

Exercise of any sort makes our bodies sing. They may not sing if they have not been worked in a while but the body absolutely will respond when challenged. In a true quest to regain health and vitality, regular movement is a requirement. What form or fashion is really not the issue. Some people like to walk. Some prefer riding a bike. Some feel most comfortable in water. Others like to build their muscles in a gym. Others like to work with their bodies without apparatus either with yoga, TaiChi, or dance. Some are benefitted coupling their workout with music. Some like group settings while others choose solitude. Some couple their exercise with adventures into nature. Some prefer the predictability and consistency provided by a gym. Sometimes working with a partner or partners helps. Everyone has their preferences. Noone does not get healthier if they move around on a regular basis.

Movement maintains our muscles and bones and nervous systems. The body has a complex natural opioid production mechanism so that when we push our bodies, "good" hormones(endorphins) are released which elevate our moods and decrease our pains. Muscles relax; emotions quiet; spirits rise. Our metabolisms speed up promoting weight loss and increased energy. Blood pressure decreases; sensitivity to insulin increases; tension resolves. Amazingly, even memory improves with regular exercise. The changes which result to our minds and our bodies have been described at length but pale in comparison to the actual experience we get by using our bodies.

Now, bringing a body back to fluidity and flow can take a bit of an effort when one is deconditioned. This is when having a partner or coach is necessary to endure the return to form.
There is truly no limit to the benefits which accrue when a body is re-mobilized. There are an infinite number of excuses to not start moving: too busy, too old, too out-of-shape. However, all these excuses melt away into the nothingness from which they came when the endorphins come and the body becomes energized. It may take a few sessions to begin to get pleasure and joy from repetitive movement but if one can keep focus, the benefits will come. The beginning discomfort can be overcome if one chooses the activity he or she likes. When the individual is the chooser of the activity that is right for him or her, there is a higher probability of continued participation.

Now, there are many rules and guidelines for exercise and movement(ie time, frequency, etc) but none really applies. All that matters is choosing movement everyday as part of one's life. What activity is no matter. The body will feel better. The mind will be happier. Social interaction will undoubtedly increase. All measurable outcomes will improve. One will be more proud of him or herself. There is no drawback--only upside. Just do it!

Nourishment

2010-06-11T10:17:00.000-07:00

What we eat becomes who we are. Food and liquids are the building blocks for a healthy body. Unfortunately, the world has created many very unhealthy options for our consumption. The drives for convenience, pleasant taste and "quick fixes" have made eating and drinking very unhealthful. We as a culture have drifted away from natural, restorative nourishment to unnatural, actually quite toxic fare.

We all know this. This is not something new or unknown. Our country has been nicknamed the "fast food nation". This is not meant to be a lecture or whining. It is meant to allow us to be who we want to be.

If our goal is to get healthy, then we have to start with where we re-build ourselves everyday. We cannot expect to have plentiful energy and happy organs if the fuel we put in our bodies is anything less than sacred. By sacred, I mean natural, from the earth and truly bringing of life and energy.

A healthy nourishment routine is actually quite simple. It is based in fruits and vegetables. It then extends outward with beans, nuts, seeds, and other legumes(peas and lentils). The core is fruits and vegetables. A wide variety is great. Choosing a few super foods to focus on might make it easier to start. Blueberries(and other berries), spinach, broccoli and tomatoes are the current "in vogue" foods. A wide variety of colors is recommended. Next is grains. Whole wheat is ideal. Products often advertise themselves as whole grain but are often not. Whole grain products include brown rice, wheat breads, and pastas and oats. Again be careful to choose products that truly have the whole grain as their bases. This is the base of any true nourishment.

An important path on the road to getting healthy is learning what fats to eat and which should be avoided. There are good fats(monounsaturated and polyunsaturated) which are rich in omega-3 fats. These include olive oil, nut(peanut,almond) oils, and vegetable oils(safflower,corn, sunflower). The less desirable oils are saturated(meat based, cheese and milk related) and the worst are trans fats which are in fried foods, cookies, margarine and partially hydrogenated vegetable oils. This whole category of eating is SO important for heart health. Changes here can truly make one feel better and open arteries. It is scary to think how much restaurant food(and fast food restaurants in particular) can "sneak" these unhealthful toxins into our bodies. Learning about the ingestion of fats and then mastering one's nourishment can lead to huge changes in cholesterol and triglyceride levels as well as improving how the body functions.

Next, protein sources also can make a big difference in the body's function and health. Fish is considered most healthful while red meat should only be eaten sparingly. Turkey and chicken are intermediate in this category. There are some parts of the chicken or turkey that are better for us than others(breast is lower in fat than other parts). There are also vegetable sources of protein(ie beans and soy) as well as non-fat milk and yogurt. Eggs are a great source of protein but egg whites are better than whole eggs.

Lastly, our body is made up of at least 60 per cent water. We need re-hydration ongoingly. Drinking water is the best plan for health. The world has created infinite delicious and tempting, tasty drinks but the bulk of these are not in line with a goal of health. Sodas are the worst; they are frankly toxic whether diet or regular. Water is what the body craves and the fuel which keeps us going. Regaining a taste for plain water may be one of the best things we can do for ourselves.

For those who truly wish to lose weight, the formula is not a complex one. The principles for healthful eating are the same. The total caloric intake just needs to be less than the calories expended. This requires a commitment. A negative caloric balance everyday is the only way to realize true weight loss. Combining an increased energy expenditure with a decreased caloric intake is the only way to get where you want to go. Eating the above healthful foods is a true way to decrease calories. Letting go of processed foods, high fructose corn syrup and fast food will get one going on the path. Combining better eating with regular exercise is the only REAL way. When the goal is improved health for a lifetime, the path becomes clear. Support in this quest is absolutely helpful. Finding a replacemrnt for the pleasure and comfort that sweets and fat provide is most necessary. Making weight loss just part of an overall plan of regaining health puts all the "ducks in a row".

In conclusion, food and water are our building blocks. We literally rebuild our bodies every day with the nutrients we take in. We deserve real food. Our bodies do best with natural, plant-based nourishment. The greatest gift we can give ourselves is to value ourselves enough to only rebuild ourselves with a healthful diet. Every day is a new day; today can be the day you start to love yourseldf enough to demand true nourishment.

Healing Happens

2010-06-10T16:17:00.000-07:00

I have never quite verbalized my dream and my intention for my life. It is now finally becoming clear to me. As this blog has been a gateway to healing for me, I am going to design my dream on this blog. I am going to start today with a brief introduction.

Our world is in need of a parallel pathway to our current medical system. The new path will be the other half of the circle. The current model will continue to deliver excellent acute care with ever improving, innovative technology. The parallel tract will be community-based, universally available and accessible, free of charge, and providing for lifelong support. This parallel tract will NOT focus or separate by diagnoses. It will provide a general prescription for healthful living and empower participants through adoption of this health producing lifestyle. It allows each individual to design his or her own healing plan especially suited for them. It works in concert with the acute care system only adding to the base of safety provided by the medical realm. The new delivery model will be self-supporting and ever growing. There will be a 10 page manual which clarifies the simple and straightforward principles and programs. There will be 3 programs:

Senior Health

Healthy Heart

Return to Health

Each program will have an 8 week introductory class followed by lifelong weekly follow-up.

All three programs are based on the same values and precepts. These 8 core values are illustrated as follows (I envision these as the points outlining the number 8):

LOVE

NOURISHMENT

MOVEMENT

CONNECTION/COMMUNITY

HOPE/FAITH

GRATITUDE

PEACE

FORGIVENESS

These 8 points of focus will lead the voyager to health. Health is defined as: Living with energy, freedom, and authenticity.

The 3 programs all target full health and wellness with emphasis on mind, body and spirit. Health and healing require all 3 elements to be developed, nurtured and supported. It should be noted: Health can be attained regardless of diagnosis, age or life situation.

For the next 4 days, I will reveal these 8 core principles and their relationship to health and healing. Each "brick in the wall" can be accessed by any and all people and will light the path toward health. We all want to be well. We all want to be fully alive. Come with me on the ultimate adventure--finding and holding health.

Great Links for People with Multiple Sclerosis

2010-06-03T11:12:00.000-07:00

YouTube - Shifting MS

YouTube - Montel Williams On Happiness

New Perspective

2010-06-03T10:18:00.000-07:00

I had a great day yesterday. Right here in my hometown of Del Mar, we had TEDxDelMar. TED talks are videoed speeches by prominent thought leaders. They are usually 12-20 minute talks about a wide variety of topics from health, environmentalism, computers,etc. I have always enjoyed viewing these talks on the computer. Now the TED people are going out to local communities, finding interesting thought leaders and putting on local shows. The day yesterday was truly phenomenal! Interesting people, great speakers and 9 hours of mind-opening material.

Some of the talks seemed specifically geared to me. I have wanted to be a part of changing the medical paradigm for 15 years. I have felt stifled working "in the system" for over a decade. I have tried multiple jobs and worked for very good people but I have not found my place. The talks yesterday put words to my feelings. I felt validated and motivated by it all. Health was a common topic and the healthcare debacle was looming in the backround. Several speakers addressed this topic directly. Tom Munnecke and Heather Wood Ion, in particular, faced the issue head-on with a new perspective. They both enunciated the problem and solutions. Their talks were still just tip of the iceberg but their words filled me with enthusiasm and hope. They were both open to conversing after their talks were done and I awoke today determined to find my place in this very alive world.

I am motivated and downright excited to resume my quest to help people get more out of their lives. The paralysis I felt yesterday and the feeling of overwhelm that is way too often my partner are gone today. I am ready to start my journey that I have stuttered in and out of for years. Thank you TED and thank you for the speakers yesterday who shared their visions.

In Tom Munnecke's words, the world of medicine is primarily a system of transactions. Healing evolves out of a system of transformation. The two are separate and NOT intermixed(much as the medical world claims this not to be so). Transformation and healing evolve out of community, love, forgiveness, connection and time. Unfortunately, our medical system does not value healing and transformation. The system has been built and operates under the guiding principle of business. I have been trying to have both--transaction and transformation. I now realize that I am not going to sacrifice transformation to pursue transactional goals.

Heather Wood Ion spoke of "Creating an Epidemic of Health". She revealed the causes of life: connection, coherence, agency, bridging and hope. She encouraged the audience to celebrate beauty and connection. Her words came out of her experience with disaster care. I worked as part of a relief effort after Hurricane Katrina and the project was eye-opening. There were different values at play in that effort than operate in "regular" day to day medical care. She revealed 4 projects which have made these values their goals. It is possible. It can be done. We don't have to stay sick and dependent on our broken system. We can break free!! Let the medical system do what it is good at: caring for acute medical issues. For chronic care, let's build a more healing, truly transformative system that runs parallel to the medical system.

Let the games begin !!

Liberation War

2010-05-31T16:19:00.000-07:00

There is a whole lot happening in the world of Multiple Sclerosis and CCSVI. Check out this link:

CCSVI_20100523.mpg

Intelligent, highly motivated people with MS are not going to be held down !! We are going to do it with or without our conservative neurologists helping. Looks like it is going to be without !

Breaking the Bonds

2010-05-27T14:57:00.000-07:00

Back before I was liberated (February 25th), I kept myself in denial for much of the time because I could not face having a condition(Multiple Sclerosis) that was not treatable(I did not like the options). I always had a reason for my symptoms: my balance was off because I was weak in the core; my energy was down because I was depressed; I was depressed because I did not like my job. The monologue was endless and spun in my head incessantly.

Now, my life and body are very different. My body is getting stronger and stronger and my balance is getting better and better. The improvements were not instantaneous but have been steady and progressive. I am getting back to me physically. I feel truly blessed. Liberation it was and is.

My mind is still a challenge. I am more than a bit neurotic. I got very used to talking myself into positive thoughts and pushing myself to be positive although I was quite often frustrated, angry, disappointed and down right pissed off. I have always wanted to be positive and upbeat but it got hard during those days, months and years of steady decline. I now have true reason to be positive again. Improving and getting back "in the game" is amazing. However, my mind got very used to struggle and limitation. It tends to feel comfortable in this place.

My challenge now is to be open to possibility and promise again. My dreams for myself and my body are once again possible. If I can only break free of my limited thinking and negative mindset, the world can once again be my friend and my playground. I have been given a second chance. Thank you Paolo Zamboni(the inventor). Thank you Mohsin Saeed(my liberator). Thank you Grace(my wife) who put up with me for what seemed like centuries. Thank you LIFE for the privilege to be back in the game.

Positive Emotions

2010-05-21T15:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to a lecture at UCSD by Dr. George Valliant, a Harvard psychiatrist who has been doing research on people for over 70 years. They have collected "massive data" on this large group of people on all aspects of health--psychological, spiritual, medical data, etc. His take home message during this very interesting lecture was about positive emotions(that was the title of his talk). He outlined clearly how little we talk about them. We focus on the negative emotions--anger, anxiety, depression, hate, jealousy. He suggests we focus more on positive emotions--

JOY, GRATITUDE, FAITH, FORGIVENESS, LOVE, HOPE, AWE and COMPASSION.

This was his message. This was his advice. He is a researcher. He is a scientist. He is brilliant.

This experience had a big effect on me. This man has been part of the most comprehensive, longitudinal study about health ever done(to read more about it, check out):

Successful Aging -- Vaillant and Mukamal 158 (6): 839 -- Am J Psychiatry

George E. Vaillant's: Aging Well: Surprising Guideposts to a Happier Life from the Landmark Harvard Study of Adult Development

He did make many other points like the 7 factors predicting healthy aging:

(1) Education level
(2)Marital stability
(3)No smoking
(4)No alcohol abuse
(5)Exercise
(6)Healthy weight
(7)Mature adaptations(coping mechanisms)

BUT, his take home message for the audience was to focus on the positive emotions. He called these positive emotions the core of a true spirituality. He was not over-excited. He was clear and calm.

I read about him and his research this morning. Wow, what a study. What a life. So much knowledge and insight. I like what he recommended. I want to be part of bringing this message to the world.

"OPEN"

2010-05-15T14:08:00.000-07:00

The basic premise of CCSVI in Multiple Sclerosis is that people with MS have blocked veins causing backflow of blood into the brain. The Liberation Procedure opens these blockages. It is still unclear why these veins are blocked or how or when they become blocked. It is also unclear the exact mechanisms involved that result in the problems of MS.

Regardless, it is my opinion and the thinking of those who believe in the CCSVI theory that open vessels lead to better outcomes. This is a fundamental principle in medicine: open vessels allow flow and flow is really good. I learned this 20 years ago in my medical training in regard to coronary arteries. It has proven to be the standard of practice in heart disease, stroke, and really any bodily function(bile ducts, kidneys)--flow is healing; blockage is bad. Re-establishing flow in a blocked system allows life energy (nutrients, hydration) to come in and waste to be removed. Basic plumbing 101. Chinese medicine wholeheartedly believes in flow of chi and in fact, blockage of chi is thought to underlie disease states.

Now that I have had the procedure, my attention is directed toward keeping my veins open. The medicines -- Plavix and aspirin-- are devoted to this goal. They certainly make flow happen and prevent clotting. There are many other things that I do to keep my veins (and arteries) open. This involves the world of preventative medicine. Diet is critical. There is an entire library of reseach that has been devoted to this topic. High fat diets are pro-thrombotic(promote clotting and re-stenosis). Meat and saturated fats definitely promote clotting and thrombosis. Fish and fish oil, fruits, vegetables, soy, beans, and nuts and seeds all decrease clottability and re-stenosis.
Exercise relaxes blood vessels, lowers blood pressure and decreases clot formation. A peaceful mind state echoes the changes that exercise can produce. Worry and anger are promoters of vasospasm(blood vessel spasm) and clotting. There is strong research about the association of negative emotions(anger, depression, anxiety) with increased blood pressure, heart attacks, angina and strokes. I believe that problems in veins would follow similar rules. Smoking cigarettes is, of course, thrombogenic and generally not conducive to keeping blood vessels open.

I visualize openness and flow in my meditations. This has been shown to help heart disease patients and I am sure will be shown to help MS patients. The power of the mind is immense and has to be used to keep blood vessels open. Negativity has no place in a program designed to bring health and happiness.

Open minds; open hearts; open blood vessels. Open. Flow. Life.

11 week update

2010-05-12T06:32:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow will be 11 weeks since my Liberation. I continue to feel better. My improved energy has persisted. My neurologic legs which have always been difficult for me to describe are definitely improving. I walk a few miles every day including hills. I am usually sore in the morning but this resolves with time and stretching. I ride my bike 3-4 times a week and my distance and ability to tolerate hills is improving. In short, I am getting into shape. It is not that easy(never was) but I am experiencing steady improvement and that feels SO great. I work with a great physical therapist(Ralph Havens) who ever encourages me to keep improving and be open to more healing and freedom. I am not running yet but still hold this as a definite possibility.

My sleep is better than prior to the procedure. I used to take 2 medicines to sleep(Remeron 30 mg and Ativan 1 mg). I am now off Ativan but still take Remeron. I think this medicine helps with my obsessiveness so I am continuing it for now. I take Plavix and a baby aspirin every day to keep my veins open. I take 10,000 units of Vitamin D a day and try to get unprotected sun nearly every day for at least a few minutes. I probably get more unprotected sun than I should but I have always loved the sun and thought of it as the fuel of life. I take 3 fish oil gelcaps a day.

My mood and spirits are generally good. I love feeling better and having energy. I love feeling that my body and mind are improving rather than slowly and steadily declining. I like very much to read about the CCSVI debate and about others who are embarking on this journey. I feel for the many people with Multiple Sclerosis who have trouble accessing this new approach. It is amazing how the medical world can be so closed sometimes. It is truly exciting to hear of people breaking down the walls that the authoritarian powers put up. I was extremely fortunate to be a doctor and able to push myself through a non-supportive system.

Because I feel SO much better(like I used to feel), I now have options open to me that were previously closed. I now can dream of doing things professionally that were just not possible before when I battled fatigue and progressive loss of vitality and endurance. My veins are open; my deficits are resolving and my heart is truly grateful.

Conner

2010-05-10T09:27:00.000-07:00

My neighbor and very close friend Steve has had a white labrador retriever named Conner for a little more than a decade. I used to call Conner "the love boy" because he was so full of warmth, sweetness and love. Steve was out of town a lot through the years so Conner was a frequent member of our pack. My wife Grace and I or both of us would take our pack out into the great natural beauty that surrounds our very special town of Del Mar in the morning and in the evening. My dogs were always more than a little bit crazy; running wildly and creating havoc wherever we ventured. Conner was always sweet, obedient and truly grateful. We explored the canyons, visited the neighboring dogs at dog park, went swimming at the beach, cruised through the stillness of the eucalyptus grove, or rambled over the beautiful bluffs along the sea. Spectacular is the only word I know to describe the majestic beauty we have all experienced together. Conner loved to be part of our team and truly loved the snacks we liked to reward the troops with after(or before) a good adventure.

Connor was a simple boy. He wanted to give and receive love. He loved to be pet and he loved food. He was always there for Steve and for anyone who was open to his warmth and affection. He loved the grass and the beach and the water(any body of water -- even a mud puddle). He was never mean or angry or sad.

Steve fell in love with a great woman named Diane a few years back. She is a dog-lover from her very core. When she and Steve got married and moved in together, there was a great union of their pets. Conner and Bailey(Steve's other dog -- an older cocker spaniel) had to make room for Diane and her crew -- Zach(a retriever mix) and Quincy(a regal french bulldog). Needless to say, there were some adjustment issues. But over time, this family became a pack. Conner was always the big boy but he came to love his new family. Steve and Diane are an amazing couple who complement each other and make each much better than they were as individuals. There is a love in their home that I have not felt in many places before. Seeing the six of them walk the neighborhood brightens anyone and everyone's day.

Saturday morning, Diane called Grace and I because Conner was not himself. The vet quickly determined that he had a very large tumor on his spleen that had ruptured and bled into his belly. Steve was out of town for his daughter Clea's college graduation. He yearned to be with his boy in this critical time. We realized quickly that this would not be possible. We put the great and mighty Conner to sleep with the help of a great veterinarian at the pet hospital. Conner left this world in peace and comfort. Grace and I got to be with him for his transition. He had love in his eyes right up until the time he was gone.

Conner was a very special being. He went his whole life giving all that he knew how to give. He spread love. Simple as that.

Outdated

2010-05-03T15:41:00.000-07:00

I realize 1 day after writing my heart felt plea to the neurology community that they as a group have already spoken. From what I now understand, the Liberation Procedure is being held down below the tiny level that it had sprouted.

What a shame. For now, we as a community must wait and watch while other parts of the world are providing this service. Is Georgetown still going ahead? Is anywhere in America picking up the baton? When is Buffalo due to release its data?

My only advice is to get the MRV or a "special" ultrasound and have it on a disc along with a medical history from you and your neurologist. Be ready for the wave to re-form. Because it will.

Neurologists

2010-05-02T17:02:00.000-07:00

With new treatment options available for Multiple Sclerosis, now becomes a very intense time for those with this condition. It is also a big time for their doctors--mainly neurologists.

Neurologists study the brain and nervous system. This requires a very big, high functioning brain to comprehend this world and the language to describe it. I did not do well in neuroanatomy or neurophysiology. Frankly, it was over my head. My smart friends did well in this realm but they did not become neurologists. It takes a very smart and gifted person to be a neurologist.

Neurologists are now at the front lines in the management of CCSVI and MS. The theory goes against what they have known and learned about Multiple Sclerosis. The current mind set(auto-immunity) has been the glasses through which doctors see MS for over 30 years. People DO get better with immune suppressive drugs--steroids, interferon, tysabri, etc). It is quite shocking that the theory might not be complete. Really smart people have studied it for a long time. But the one thing the scientific world never figured out was why does someone's immune system would turn on itself?

The answer that CCSVI is a cause/contributor of this number one debilitator of young people is shockingly simple and basic. Why didn't we figure this out earlier? The plaques are surrounding the veins around the third ventricle. This has been known for a very long time.

It is very hard to realize and own that as a doc, you have missed a diagnosis or understood a situation incorrectly. I have been there more times than I wish to remember. It always is difficult to accept a change of perspective. It happens to all doctors and in fact all people. Everyone is wrong sometimes. We all can be blind and then learn to see. That is the beauty of learning and new experiences. That is what makes this human life so magical.

Somehow, we as a culture and society don't think doctors should be wrong. Especially not really smart doctors like neurologists. We think that since they are so smart, they must know. They(the neurologists) probably think this way also. They are probably not used to being wrong.

I am using strong language saying they were wrong. They just didn't see beyond the therapeutic intention. Once immuno-suppressives became the glasses through which we all saw MS, there was a funnel blinding us to the underlying process. All therapy was geared to suppression of a wayward immune system-- harnessing the monster.

But now we we know what makes the immune system go haywire and attack the main computer. It is errant plumbing. Why? Still not known. It will eventually be known. I bet pretty soon now that the field has been opened wide open.

I don't blame neurologists for not knowing. They have only been doing the very best that they can. But now, the true challenge comes: leading us forward with the new knowledge that we have. Incorporate and move forward. CCSVI is real and a very important part of the MS mystery. All the details have yet to be determined, but its contribution is no longer possible to deny. The immune system is still involved. There is just a reason FINALLY for why the immune system goes crazy, turning on self.

The MS community absolutely needs their docs. The doctor-patient relationship is sacred. Every patient that I have spoken with respect and love their doctors. Patients will always seek out relief in any form. Energy may not be as easily quantified or charted but it is the fuel of life. Without it life is very different. A lot darker. A lot harder. With more time, the neurologic changes may get better. With energy, all is possible. It may mix with the placebo effect but so what. Energy does matter to life and to any condition. Please do not forsake the CCSVI theory because the neurologic changes don't improve instantaneously.

In the presence of true energy, all healing is possible. This is basic relativity theory. We would never diagree with Einstein. He was the smartest of all scientists. Come back to the game; our game. Join the patients in changing their matter. This is not an intellectual battle. This is our lives. We need you. Together, we can stop the devastation that MS reaps.

Now is the time to truly help millions of people. Be open. Learn with us. Be part of something truly miraculous.

How does that happen?

2010-04-28T14:42:00.000-07:00

I have been fortunate during my 25 years in medicine to experience both first hand and through the accounts of my patients to have seen truly amazing things. I have always been particularly drawn to "the mystical", mysterious things that happen to people in the course of trying to get better.

My first experience of this type of phenomenon occured to me after my first acupuncture tratment.
Subjectively, I did not notice a difference in how I felt. However, I went to play basketball right after the treatment and amazingly to me, I was completely "in the zone" without any explanation. I went from my usual of being a very average player to being "great for the day" making 5 three point shots in a row to start the game. When I settled down to earth and tried to understand this miracle, I could only attribute this transcendent performance to my acupuncture treatment.

Since then, I have always been curious and drawn to the ability to transfer energy from practitioner to patient. I have witnessed this in a wide variety of modalities including acupuncture, massage, physical therapy, craniosacral therapy and energy work. Yesterday, I was again fortunate enough to be the recipient of such a gift as I worked with a visiting physical therapist. Her name is Kim Burnham. She is visiting Mission Hills Physical Therapy from her home in Connecticut. She practices Integrative Manual Therapy(IMT) and Matrix Energetics--modalities within the realm of physical therapy but techniques which rely on energy transfer(as opposed to structural manipulation or strengthening of muscles).

I knew as I went through the experience that this was no average therapist. I could feel things happening in my body as we went through the proceess. When I stood up at the end of the session, I was different. My feet met the floor in a different way. I was more grounded. When I walked, I was sturdier and able to move with much less effort and energy. I went home and went for a real walk and the changes persisted. Subtle but noticeably smoother. My herky-jerky gait was quieter, smoother, less neurologic.

I don't know yet whether these changes will stick. I pray they do but I have re-learned that there is a whole world of things I don't understand. I realize(again) that miracles can happen and that if I don't understand the physiology or mechanism, it does NOT matter. What matters is getting better, progressing and moving forward. Thank you Kim and thank you world for showing this rigid, stiff man that there is so much more to this life than what I understand. Thank you Ralph Havens for being a visionary and always open to new ways to help people heal.

Paolo Zamboni has offered the world a new approach to the treatment of multiple sclerosis. It is radical in that the theory breaks from the way the medical world has viewed this disease for the past 50 years. Matrix energetics and IMT are also a break from standard physical rehabilitation. I am sure these fields must also face disbelievers and naysayers. Thank God that there are individuals who can look into the eyes of their doubters and simply look back into their own hearts and minds and follow what they believe.

My Favorite Poem

2010-04-25T21:19:00.000-07:00

Mary Oliver: The Journey

Let's Talk Food

2010-04-23T13:25:00.000-07:00

I have never liked talking about food. I suppose most docs are inclined this way. I don't like food preparation as I am basically lazy in this regard. However, the reality is that "we are what we eat" and most people are not really eating well. The fact that diabetes, obesity, and heart disease are epidemics in America as well as across the world speaks to the fact that we are eating too much and more importantly too much of the bad stuff.

A trip to standard grocery stores really tells it all. There is one aisle of fresh food and 15 aisles of processed, packaged, unhealthy food and drnk. I understand the need for convenience and ease, but "our" love of these are literally killing us. When you throw in fast food and restaurant food that is made from packaged, processed ingredients, you have the makings of a very unhealthful grounding for our bodies.

This is all very old news to healthy people. People who wanted to know about true health learned about the truly criminal nature of food processing and food preparation a very long time ago. It is amazing the power of denial when people are busy, etc. It is now abundantly clear that what we eat can make us healthy or make us sick. We all know this but the pace of life and the addictive nature of sugary, greasy food and drink can make anyone blind to a loaded gun.

The facts are in. The truth is known. Roy Swank knew the truth 60 years ago when he first outlined a healthy diet for multiple sclerosis patients. Dean Ornish taught us how to actually reverse coronary heart disease with a vegetarian, low-fat diet. Dr. McDougall has clearly written about the infinite benefits of healthful eating with low fat, high fiber food faire.

All these wise people have clearly outlined what it takes to prevent and even reverse all the common ills of our current world. The common denominator-- back to basics. Fruits and vegetables. Nuts and seeds. Beans. Fish. Eat what comes from nature not out of a box. Don't believe what "they" say on packages and labels. They are allowed to lie and they do(all the time). If there are more than 3 ingredients in a product, you can bet it is unhealthful. Don't be blind to the truth. Sodas are ALL bad. Diet sodas have not yet proven to be bad but we all know they are. High fructose corn syrup is the devil. Packaged/processed food and drink brings harm with its ease and convenience. The tobacco companies are not the only villains. There is NO free lunch.

Blah Blah Blah. Ok, we've heard it all before. However, the fast food companies, the makers of soda, and the mass producers of processed food are winning big financially and dominating human consumption. We know that too.

The option is here for us. Don't settle for ease and convenience at the expense of health and well-being. Shop locally. Don't let taste and, comfort and pleasure be the bus drivers. I am talking to myself. I love quick food preparation and fast service. I am a slave to the sweet and the delicious.
How high a price are am I willing to pay for comfort and ease. Are we willing to get sick for it? To die for it?

I went to Fiji this winter. The people on the outer islands that I had the pleasure of working with, live nearly as long as we do and they never see a doctor for their entire lives. How can this be?
They eat a natural diet. They are primitive in our eyes but what are we? Civilized, evolved but fat and sick. Let's end the health care crisis in our country. The first step is what we put in our mouths for our next meal.

Rehabilitation

2010-04-21T15:44:00.000-07:00

I am now fortunate enough to be in a phase of rehabilitatation. My veins are open. My blood flows without impediment. I have energy. My challenge now is to get my legs to re-learn how to propel me around this world. I can walk and I do with so much more vitality and vigor than I have in years. The unanswered question with the Liberation Procedure is: can lost motor function be regained? From my reading, the people who have been "liberated" have not improved much neurologically. They get energy back; they get better circulation and cognition; but, to my knowledge, the damaged pathways have not been shown to regenerate.

Well, I don't buy it!! Everything in our bodies can regenerate given the proper nutrients and environment. We used to think that the brain can't heal--that has been debunked. I know I can heal more. I know my body has more comeback yet to be revealed. Limits are only in the mind and my mind is ready for more body healing.

Placebo

2010-04-18T11:40:00.000-07:00

Someone recently asked me in response to my blog as well as to the success of the Liberation Procedure, "Is it just placebo effect"? This is truly a loaded question. After my initial defensive reaction, I gave it deeper thought. Placebo is truly a giant word and concept. It has negative connotations("he is just better because of the placebo effect") but it has immense power and strength. In research studies, experimenters often compare a new treatment with a placebo. In order for the treatment to be accepted, a new therapy has to be better than placebo. In most studies placebo does remarkably well ie 30-40% benefit. So 30-40 per cent of people get better with a sugar pill or an inert substance. This speaks strongly about several points.

First, approximately one third of people get better with no intervention with placebo or time or just believing that they will get better. This has enormous power. Harnessing the power of this safe intervention can be amazingly healing. As a doc, I am very conscious of this power and use it quite often to help people get better. The power of words in this setting is IMMENSE ! Just slightly altering my parting words in a patient interaction, brings very different results. Saying "call me if you are not better in a couple days" is very different from saying "call me in 2 days to tell me how much better you are doing". Similar words; different effects and results.

Using the placebo effect is not bad. Actually it is quite effective and it is much safer than using a drug or procedure which has many conceivable adverse reactions. Furthermore, some things are just harder to quantitate and study. It is easy to measure a cholesterol level or blood pressure. Human energy levels are very difficult to quantitate let alone understand. Energy is intimately connected to psychosocial variables, sleep quality, unquantifiable physical factors, and a wide variety of nutritional and other biochemical processes. Does that make it any less important? CCSVI is proposed to effect above all else energy levels. How do we discount that as important just because it is difficult to quantitate? Energy is the fuel of life -- it has to be looked at even if it is "messy".

So back to the question at hand. Is the Liberation Procedure just a fancy use of placebo? Certainly, I was and am a good candidate for placebo. I was desperate. I wanted to get better in a very real way. I hated being disabled and chronically depleted. I wanted ever so much to be "normal" again -- strong, capable, and confident. I read about the new theory of Multiple Sclerosis -- CCSVI and the procedure which was shown in Italy to reverse many of the debilitating effects of MS. The theory resonated with me. I never liked the idea of auto-immunity because it implied that immunosuppressives were the way to deal with the problem. I like my immune system. In fact, I felt proud of my immune system; proud of my ability to stay well in the face of a wide variety of infectious pathogens which I was exposed to at work. I liked the idea that Multiple Sclerosis could come from a congenital malformation; that it was not my fault.

So given all that, I am a great candidate for a placebo response. Is the Liberation Procedure real or not? The world wants to know this; needs to know this. Fellow MS'ers need to know this before proceeding with their own Liberation Procedure. Neurologists need to know this so they can refer their patients. It is not an entirely benign procedure. Things can go awry. Re-stenosis can and does happen.

All I can say is that I am different than I was before my Liberation. I can now walk hills. I can now walk fast. I can now work a full work week. I am going forward not backward. I have hope that I can continue to improve. My legs are still not smooth especially when I am tired. I still get tired and drained(who doesn't??). I can access my endorphin system through exercise which I could no longer do on land(only in the water) prior to my procedure. Yes, it is difficult to tease out the true answer but I can say from the bottom of my heart that I believe CCSVI to be real and the Liberation Procedure to be exactly what it boldly claims to be: a gateway to healing. It is a start. It still requires daily work and effort to maintain its efficacy. It is not a free lunch. It is a gateway, an opening and a chance. Yes, it uses the placebo effect to acheive its full potential but what doesn't? The mind and one's attitudes are absolute co-creators. So Mr. Placebo: lets go for a ride. Lets fly and see what we've got together. Let's live this crazy life to the fullest and let's take as many people with us as we possibly can.

7 Week Report

2010-04-15T11:54:00.000-07:00

Today is the 7 week mark since My Liberation Procedure. While I feel tired today(tiredness always scares me because it reminds me of MS and I hate the feeling). However, I am SOOO much better than pre-Liberation Procedure. I walk hard and fast and strong. My gait is more balanced and less "clunky". I have been doing physical therapy(Matrix Energetics) with Ralph Havens at Mission Hills Physical Therapy and I believe that is helping my movement. I occasionally run for short stints but it does not flow yet so I don't push it. Today, I walked in the hills of Del Mar with my friend Michael. It was a great adventure.

My energy is still up although I hit walls when my mind gets crazy which is more often than I care to admit. I far too easily forget the miraculous comeback I am experiencing. Writing and connecting with fellow MS'ers who are trying to heal themselves/get healed bolsters my spirit and puts wind in my sails.

I don't feel ready to bound into my old neurologist's office yet and declare myself totally free but I love the ride I am on going up and not down.

Acceptance

2010-04-15T11:16:00.000-07:00

Accepting what is. Can it be done? Must it be done?

We have all spent so much of our lives fighting what is. Injustice. Prejudice. Unfairness. Inequity. Disrespect. Self-criticism. These are all easy targets for opposition.

Certainly, we as caring, loving people absolutely must stand up and oppose these all too common human stances.

However, where does this approach take us? It puts us in the realm of opposition, struggle, and disharmony. Good against evil. That makes us feel better -- when we are justified in our fight. If we take the side that we believe represents good; then we feel in the right.

However, when does this battle end? There is truly infinite injustice. As part of humanhood, there is always going to be more evil to conquer. When do we say enough is enough? When do we lay down our swords and let ourselves find peace? Maybe today. Maybe never.

Peace seems like a dream. Can it be a reality? Can I find it? Where would it take me if I did find it? What happens when there is peace? What happens when I accept life exactly as it is? What happens when there is no battle to wage? Do I die or do I thrive? Does my power fade away or does it expand?

Patience or Action

2010-04-13T10:59:00.000-07:00

I was reading last night on the website ThisisMS. Incredibly informative and up to date with a wide variety of information and "cutting-edge" theories. MS truly is a condition that is receiving strong attention from every direction. While I believe I have been part of the "new truth" of MS, there are many other views and people who believe in their approach/path with every bit as much passion and belief as I do about my healing road.

There is a vaccine made from an ingredient of goat's milk, low dose Naltrexone, the new drug which aids walking by a unique mechanism. There is still strong belief in anti-inflammatory drugs like interferon, Tysabri and newer creations which can be taken orally. There is truly a lot out there and patients are getting benefit. The CCSVI theory is still in its infancy and far from accepted by the medical community. Yesterday, I spoke with a very kind woman with MS who tried to get the MRV done and instead had an MRA(magnetic resonance angiogram) done and it was read by a radiologist who had never heard of the CCSVI theory and did not look at her veins when reading the study. How utterly disappointing.

Where do we go from here?? Time is definitely needed to allow the new discoveries like CCSVI be studied, contemplated, and incorporated into the world view of the medical establishment. However, time is not a friend of someone who is living in a declining body. Tomorrow feels like an eternity to someone who is struggling. A clean formulated plan is needed now/today for individuals who feel stuck in an unfaithful body. The paradigm shift that I believe is happening needs time and strong spokespeople to bring it to fruition.

I feel excited when I sit back and ponder new roads to healing but at the same time I feel handcuffed and limited when I attempt to guide my fellow MS travellers on their road back to health and healing. I guess this is the paradox of living in the modern world which is exploding with potential but simultaneously landlocked by old views and slow progress.

Mary B

2010-04-13T10:39:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite patients made her transition last night. It was expected as she had been on hospice for a few weeks. Medically, she was always a challenge. She had 2 types of cancer in her body and there always seemed to be something that needed medical attention. In spite of that, she was a dear, sweet soul who always was bright in her outlook and interaction. She was truly loving and the world responded with love and affection. She has 4 great children who truly loved and cared about her. Her husband is one of the most kind, loving men I have ever known.

As we went through her medical care and gradual decline, I really got to know her. She was wise beyond her years. She was positive beyond what can be forced into being-- it truly was deeply ingrained in her being. She was simultaneously loving and easy to love. She had humor in the face of adversity and was always kind and honest.

In my opinion, she was truly a hero. A rare being who lived from her heart with courage, kindness, and eternal warmth.

Now that she has passed, all the chaos surrounding her care dissolves instantaneously. She is back in a state of peace and harmony. There was lots of suffering during her last years--pain, the hassle of many tests and procedures, the malaise that accompanies illness. She always managed to bounce back from illness and adversity. She amazed me and her other docs many times.

Now, there is only the feeling of peace and respect to a life well-lived. I hope her family feels this way. I think they will. Hers was a giant spirit in my mind and now it is free to do whatever freed spirits do.