Skip to main content

The Voice in My Head

The voice in my head came charging this morning about 4 a.m.. By 7, I was exhausted and thoroughly demoralized. I was just waking up and I felt like the day should be over. "My MS is back". "My veins must be shutting down". "I can't be OK without medicine". "Grace doesn't love me". I took the dogs for a short walk. I tripped and fell at the exact moment that I was thinking "I am not going to let this old voice in my head rule my life". I almost got in a car accident when I pulled out of a street and a car appeared out of nowhere (it was obviously there but I never saw it).

Now, it's 9:30 a.m. and I am back awake and alive. The demons were pouring out of me for the last 5 hours but now they are quiet again.

Can I stay awake? Can I strengthen "the witness" who can see my dark side (the voice in my head) and shut him up. The battle rages on. Another day, another chance to be present to this one great life.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Future of Primary Care (and the Future is Now)

What do people need from their primary care doctor/practice? These are our goals at Pando: To deliver all of these  with a kind heart .         (1) Rapid access               a. In person when necessary               b. Via phone or email on an ongoing basis         (2) Diagnosis, Treatment and Monitoring of acute and chronic problems with the current  BEST  practices         (3) Close Follow-up after acute illnesses, ER visits; referral to superior specialty care when needed         (4) Preventive Care               a. Prophylactic Medicines, Screening Tests (Mammograms, Colonoscopy)               b. Lifestyle Advice, Behavior Change Advice and Guidance with follow-up support         (5) Meeting of non-medical needs ...

IT'S HAPPENING

Wow, the information available on CCSVI on the internet is truly amazing! I have to admit: I did not research this topic as well as I could have. I did not read the study from Poland before my procedure. I did not realize all the excitement combined with incredible knowledge that is coming out of Georgetown. I am just reading them now and I can hardly contain myself. There is so much data available on CCSVI from around the world. I acted more on a deep gut feeling that CCSVI was real and was my path to healing. I was a little desperate as I felt myself sliding over the last year and didn't feel right with the auto-immune drugs. CCSVI just made sense to me; really good sense. Now reading the data, I am so excited for huge numbers of people to get healed/opened/freed! After doing a little research, it seems that nearly all people with definite MS have CCSVI. It also seems that people with MS who have the procedure have less flairs over time and a better quality of life. Some get a lo...

$$$

I received my bills this week. $ 32,000 for the Liberation Procedure. $1200 for MRV. Amazingly, my insurance(Blue Cross) covered all but $5000 of the total. I feel so fortunate that it was largely covered. I have sat on Utilization Review Committees(when I worked at Scripps) and thought the insurance company would deny coverage based on the experimental nature of the procedure. Luckily for me, I was wrong! I guess they just cannot deny need for treatment of blocked blood vessels.