Skip to main content

The Voice in My Head

The voice in my head came charging this morning about 4 a.m.. By 7, I was exhausted and thoroughly demoralized. I was just waking up and I felt like the day should be over. "My MS is back". "My veins must be shutting down". "I can't be OK without medicine". "Grace doesn't love me". I took the dogs for a short walk. I tripped and fell at the exact moment that I was thinking "I am not going to let this old voice in my head rule my life". I almost got in a car accident when I pulled out of a street and a car appeared out of nowhere (it was obviously there but I never saw it).

Now, it's 9:30 a.m. and I am back awake and alive. The demons were pouring out of me for the last 5 hours but now they are quiet again.

Can I stay awake? Can I strengthen "the witness" who can see my dark side (the voice in my head) and shut him up. The battle rages on. Another day, another chance to be present to this one great life.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Connecting to the World

This is a picture from the Eucalyptus Grove At UCSD -- my dogs' favorite walk. Upon our return from our adventure, I read this from Buddhist psychologist, Rick Hanson. I really resonate with this aspect of connection. Connecting is in 3 directions -- inside with oneself, with others and with the world. When we strengthen one direction, we simultaneously strengthen our general connection. This is guidance to connect more deeply with the world. What makes you feel connected? I'd like to know.   Are we really so separate? The Practice   Love the world. Why?   Your brain evolved in three stages (to simplify a complex process): Reptile - Brainstem, focused on AVOIDING harm Mammal - Limbic system, focused on APPROACHING rewards Primate - Cortex, focused on ATTACHING to "us" With a fun use (to me, at least) of animal themes, the first JOT in this series -  pet the lizard  - was about how to soothe the most ancient structures of the brain

A Guest Post from Jenna Walters

Tai Chi for Health Tai Chi is a secret weapon in the battle against the physical and mental demands of life. It has been able to help improve health in individuals with illnesses ranging from peritoneal mesothelioma to migraines . Its quiet and slow movements bring a calm balance to the mind. It also brings strength and balance to the body. Tai Chi demands very little from its participants. The focus is on body awareness and deep breathing. Its stretching is soft and fluid and its movements are low-impact. Young, old, athletic, or the rehabilitating can all gain better health with Tai Chi. Studies have shown that Tai Chi improves physical health . Although the movements are slow and require no added weight, those that practice Tai Chi become stronger in both upper and lower body. There is also proof that flexibility and balance are improved. The fact that the gentleness of this exercise has such positive results makes it perfect for the unfit, the elderly and for those recovering f

Becoming Aware

In doing the work that I am so happy to be doing at Pando Health Groups, I have become acutely aware of the painful, demeaning,  limiting and downright cruel thoughts that people carry around and repeatedly tell themselves. Amazingly successful, intelligent and gifted people continually return to a dark and very negative image of themselves that is not based on current reality or supported by their current performance, relationships or modern lives. However, the tape is still playing. Worse yet, the tape hurts them deep down and affects all that they care about, desire and create. It takes away energy. It zaps power and limits potential. It creates misery and suffering. It, too often, makes their lives stay "stuck in the groove on the record". This tape can be turned off (or destroyed) but for too many it keeps raising its head when circumstances replicate past wounds or when there is an ongoing, overpowering, loud voice that just keeps breaking into one's hea