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Isolation

Loneliness and being alone are two very different concepts. Spending time alone is a gift and has infinite possibilities. Loneliness describes a feeling (dejection; sadness) resulting from separation from one's companions and implies a loss of control to change one's situation. These two terms seem similar but in truth they could NOT be farther apart. While alone time can be rejuvenating, energizing and pleasant, loneliness is deflating, depleting, and confining.

The difference between these two conditions (being alone and loneliness) cuts to the core of our pursuit for health and happiness. Every individual is physically separate from the pack. We go through life wrapped in our skin; our body literally separated from others by space and the walls of our individual containers. However, this physical separation need not imply true isolation. Loneliness is a perception and also a choice. The negative feeling experienced by separation from others is a learned style of being. The distinction between being alone and the emptiness of loneliness can be made at any moment through bringing awareness to one's feeling state. Feelings do NOT have substance and are therefore transient by definition. However, some individuals are more prone to the pain and suffering associated with being alone. At some point in their lives, aloneness likely became something they did not enjoy or could not control and they came to have negative feelings about it. Once these negative feelings become a habit, the individual becomes locked into a world dominated by negative feelings (sadness, fear, anger) and
robbed of positive feelings (joy, pleasure, and peace).

If this negative milieu is allowed to grow and become entrenched, freedom is lost and most of one's time and energy are devoted to chasing these negative feelings. Behaviors are then acquired which cement these feelings. These behaviors usually provide temporary relief from the negative feelings. Unfortunately, the mood elevating benefit is only temporary so the individual is forced to repeat the behavior. These behaviors graduate to compulsions/addictions as the individual enjoys freedom from his or her pain with use of these behaviors but returns to the negative feeling states as the effects wear off. Examples in our world of these behaviors are alcohol, cigarettes and drugs. Also, very common are sex addictions including use of pornography. In addition, there are the "socially acceptable" habits of eating to excess, watching television, exercising compulsively, and workaholism.

It must be emphasized that pleasure and relaxation are not bad or wrong. However, it is when the goal becomes pain reduction and the behavior becomes compulsive that the problem develops. The problem is separation and isolation from our friends, family,and co-workers. The result is an individual who loses connection from his herd and loses the power and energy that connection brings.

Spending time alone is a wonderful thing --- rejuvenating, freeing, and empowering. To the contrary, loneliness and isolation are draining, self-defeating and constricting. When an individual becomes lonely (or perceives himself as so), it is like viewing the world through dark glasses. Everything is harder. Energy seems like a lost commodity. It is like trying to paddle upstream with a broken paddle.

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