Return To Health (Pando Health Groups)

Grace and I watched the movie Black Swan last night. Incredible portrayal of the "voice in our heads". Nataly Portman was plagued with a very loud and dark voice and she went "through it" as opposed to being paralyzed by it. The movie is painful and uncomfortable but in a way that is real and connectable. It was a great demonstration of this "force" which lives within us all (the unconscious mind) that can shape our lives if we let it. Sometimes the best path is just to not listen to the voice in our heads -- instead, we can listen to the other voice which is also in our head but comes from quite a different source. Being able to differentiate between the two seems paramount.

Wow, it feels SOOO much better to be out of the grasp of my unconscious mind. It can get so bleak so quickly. I see the power of this "dark voice" in my patients and feel it in myself. We all have this battle waging within us and need to harness all our resources to stay conscious and awake. For me this time, it took connecting with a wise friend, writing about my predicament, and cycling through my mental process to bring me back to the present and out of my funk. The trip down was relatively short this time and thankfully without lasting consequences. Having a process helps; having a friend to talk to openly and honestly definitely helps; writing helps; NOT slipping down the road to rejecting myself is absolutely key. Back in the game and not a moment too soon.

The voice in my head came charging this morning about 4 a.m.. By 7, I was exhausted and thoroughly demoralized. I was just waking up and I felt like the day should be over. "My MS is back". "My veins must be shutting down". "I can't be OK without medicine". "Grace doesn't love me". I took the dogs for a short walk. I tripped and fell at the exact moment that I was thinking "I am not going to let this old voice in my head rule my life". I almost got in a car accident when I pulled out of a street and a car appeared out of nowhere (it was obviously there but I never saw it). Now, it's 9:30 a.m. and I am back awake and alive. The demons were pouring out of me for the last 5 hours but now they are quiet again. Can I stay awake? Can I strengthen "the witness" who can see my dark side (the voice in my head) and shut him up. The battle rages on. Another day, another chance to be present to this one great life.

Once we become aware of our unconscious or shadow aspects, we then move into a new realm of discovery. What are our ingrained perceptions and beliefs which are causing us to create these manifestations in our lives? Further, what behaviors do we use to keep ourselves in the dark about our own actions and reactions? This is where the work gets tricky as we are attempting to unravel a tornado of emotions, repressed memories and very ingrained behavioral patterns. An example: Joe suffers from anxiety, panic attacks and insomnia. Unbenounced to Joe, his symptoms actually "mask" some deep and painful thoughts and beliefs which he has carried since early childhood. Although his symptoms seem "terrible" for anyone to endure, they actually are more comfortable to him than the deeper beliefs that he holds. Most people adopt some compensatory habits to "handle" these negative and uncomfortable symptoms such as drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes or marijuana, over-

We all create our lives. I think most of us agree on this point. However, we shy away from this truth when it comes to the less desirable manifestations that come out of us like our illnesses, injuries, mishaps, and things we perceive as random events. So, what creates the aspects that do not make us proud to be who we are? We have an unconscious that is also a creator in our lives. This shadow side of ourselves is exactly what it says--unconscious to our everyday awareness. So if we are not aware of it then how do we work with it? How do we become aware, awake and conscious so that we can be healthier, happier and whole? This is the most important question in life as far as I am concerned. This capacity to become consciously aware of our hidden selves is the key to healing and to all of life. In order to be aware, we have to be willing to look at our pain and suffering in whatever shape or form that manifests itself and look right at it, through it and at its root. Thus, we do have a

This was given to me by friend Michael Rubano. It was written by Alana shortly before she passed away: Today I know a secret that I didn't know then. Well, it's hardly a secret. It's a profound truth really, that everybody knows. We are dying. Hardly anyone acknowledges this. Few people live as though this could be their last breath. If we did the world would be so different. There would be more joy, more gratitude and certainly more love. Instead, Death is hardly considered without fear, dread, loss, anxiety. I know a secret. Death is not the enemy. It is an ally, reminding us to live each moment to the fullest. To be the best we can in every situation. I get to understand this secret because I am dying. This knowledge is encouraging me to live every minute. How can we know how to live if we don't know how to die? Acceptance, acknowledgment, maybe we could find a little appreciation for the miracle that eventually the spirit and the body separate. Is that so awful? How