For many people, their main goal is to find peace. This takes many forms: some just want to sleep well, others want to be free from worry, others wish to be able to be "comfortable in their own skin" (to be themselves). For others, relief of physical symptoms is the goal. Many of the syndromes of modern medicine stem from the absence of peace. Fibromyalgia, irritable bowel syndrome, chronic fatigue, insomnia, chronic pain syndromes, as well as anxiety and depression are the terms used in modern medicine to attempt to classify the absence of peace in the body. As many people who strive for the goal of peace, there are are also an infinite number of ways to get there. Exercise, prayer, meditation, yoga, nature, and talking with someone who is a good listener are just a few of the paths to find peace. The self-help movement is geared to this goal and literally thousands of books have been written on the subject.Undoubtedly, the rapid pace of the modern world plays a major role in the struggle that so many people face in trying to find peace.
Is there a unifying cure for all this angst? The medical world's solution has been the use of anti-depressants and other pharmaceuticals which usually provide transient relief of symptoms but create the need for dependence on the ongoing use of pharmaceuticals. The spiritual/religious approach is through prayer and surrender to a higher power. Certainly noble and beneficial pursuits but difficult to hold onto in the midst of prolonged challenges. Psychologists have a number of approaches and styles to guide us to accepting ourselves. Many people turn to drugs, cigarrettes, food, alcohol, TV or other compulsive addictions to manage their recurrent distress. These all provide transient relief of symptoms but set up the downward spiraling path of addiction which always takes the individual to a negative place which is difficult to surmount.
The bottom line of an inability to find or maintain peace is that the underlying problem is fear. Fear of something --- financial, emotional rejection, loneliness, not being who or where we want to be, making a mistake --- or just fear of fear.
So what is the opposite of fear? Love. Acceptance. Age old concepts. Boring maybe but true. Love of self and love of others. Acceptance of self and acceptance of others. Why are these so hard to find and maintain? We learn early that we are NOT right, NOT okay, NOT pretty enough, NOT strong enough, NOT good enough. Eventually, we develop an internal voice which shouts these words long after our parents or whoever started the chorus stop the refrain. We become so good at criticizing ourselves that we no longer need a boss or parent or spouse to be our bully (although they may still be chanting the abuse). We can do it better ourselves.
So, herein lies the goal of life. Can we let go of all the negative banter that runs around in our head out of control and unpatrolled? Can we quiet the demons in our minds that insist that we are less than we should be? Can we let the heroes (love and acceptance) govern our minds rather than the negative forces which want so much to rule our minds and lives?
So, if we decide to let love rule and to finally accept ourselves in spite of our mistakes and imperfections, what is the mechanism for allowing this shift from self-rejection to self-love? It is one thing. It is as old a tool as man itself. It was in the Bible. Forgiveness. Forgiving ourselves. Letting go of our grievances with ourselves and others. Nothing has to be said to anyone else. We just have to make peace within ourselves. We have to forgive ourselves. We have to let the light that wants to shine on us shine. The only way to bring on the peace and the light is to stop the war with ourselves. Peace comes when the war ends and the only way to end the war is to forgive. And we have to forgive ALL the time.
Is there a unifying cure for all this angst? The medical world's solution has been the use of anti-depressants and other pharmaceuticals which usually provide transient relief of symptoms but create the need for dependence on the ongoing use of pharmaceuticals. The spiritual/religious approach is through prayer and surrender to a higher power. Certainly noble and beneficial pursuits but difficult to hold onto in the midst of prolonged challenges. Psychologists have a number of approaches and styles to guide us to accepting ourselves. Many people turn to drugs, cigarrettes, food, alcohol, TV or other compulsive addictions to manage their recurrent distress. These all provide transient relief of symptoms but set up the downward spiraling path of addiction which always takes the individual to a negative place which is difficult to surmount.
The bottom line of an inability to find or maintain peace is that the underlying problem is fear. Fear of something --- financial, emotional rejection, loneliness, not being who or where we want to be, making a mistake --- or just fear of fear.
So what is the opposite of fear? Love. Acceptance. Age old concepts. Boring maybe but true. Love of self and love of others. Acceptance of self and acceptance of others. Why are these so hard to find and maintain? We learn early that we are NOT right, NOT okay, NOT pretty enough, NOT strong enough, NOT good enough. Eventually, we develop an internal voice which shouts these words long after our parents or whoever started the chorus stop the refrain. We become so good at criticizing ourselves that we no longer need a boss or parent or spouse to be our bully (although they may still be chanting the abuse). We can do it better ourselves.
So, herein lies the goal of life. Can we let go of all the negative banter that runs around in our head out of control and unpatrolled? Can we quiet the demons in our minds that insist that we are less than we should be? Can we let the heroes (love and acceptance) govern our minds rather than the negative forces which want so much to rule our minds and lives?
So, if we decide to let love rule and to finally accept ourselves in spite of our mistakes and imperfections, what is the mechanism for allowing this shift from self-rejection to self-love? It is one thing. It is as old a tool as man itself. It was in the Bible. Forgiveness. Forgiving ourselves. Letting go of our grievances with ourselves and others. Nothing has to be said to anyone else. We just have to make peace within ourselves. We have to forgive ourselves. We have to let the light that wants to shine on us shine. The only way to bring on the peace and the light is to stop the war with ourselves. Peace comes when the war ends and the only way to end the war is to forgive. And we have to forgive ALL the time.
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