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Connection -- The Antidote for Loneliness

There is an answer for the problem of loneliness and isolation. The answer is connection. The mechanism and pathway for suffering can be re-wired to a far better place with the addition of connection. This is food for the hungry and water for the thirsty. It is every bit as important and, fortunately, it is everywhere.It only needs to be recognized as valuable and sought after and it can do its magic.
So what is connection? What does it feel like? How can one maintain the feeling of it when it is not there at the moment? I now will attempt to address these questions.

The word connection has multiple definitions and usages if one looks in the dictionary. Connection comes from the latin root connectere meaning "bound together". The opposite of isolated, alone and separate.

What does connection feel like? Warmth, openness, peace, calmness, trust accompany a sense of connection. Alternatively, tension, a need to defend oneself, fearfulness, agitation accompany isolation and separation. The sympathetic nervous system("fight or flight") is on when in the isolated state. To the contrary, the parasympathetic nervous system dominates when one feels connected and feelings of relaxation and peace ensue. It is easy to know which is desirable by simply closing one's eyes and imagining the different feelings described. The connected state feels comfortable, relaxing, pleasant. The isolated state is unpleasant and uncomfortable.

Fortunately, we can all come back to peace and connection when we choose to. This is the goal of life. This is what healing is. Forgiveness, acceptance, and love open up the paths of connection. Connection to self, others, the present moment, and to a sense of oneness can be remembered and re-claimed. When we choose to travel this road is the question. Healing and health evolve from the stillpoint of connection. Suffering and pain evolve out of the despair associated with loneliness and separateness.

Again, connection means to "be bound to" something or someone. It is in what we choose to be connected to that determines our health and well-being. Addiction is a connection to a substance, person, or activity that brings transient pleasure followed by a craving for more of what we are addicted to. It leads to a roller-coaster ride of pleasure and pain that can take years or a lifetime to break. Healthy connections form the building blocks of a healthy, happy life. Healthy connections can be divided into 4 targets. Connection to (1) self (2) others (3) the present moment and (4) a higher purpose are the cornerstones of finding peace and freedom. Fortunately, enhancing our connection to each of these 4 targets makes the feeling of connection grow in all of the above areas. There is a synergy which occurs when we deepen our connection to any of these places which heightens our connection level in all direction.

Many of us struggle with accepting ourselves. We take the judgmental thoughts that were directed at us in our formative years and internalize them and keep playing the same record throughout our lives. The pain we cause ourselves may not be known to even our closest friends but we hurt ourselves on a daily, hourly basis with negative self-talk. This can and must be overcome in order to get well. Changing the negative, hateful self talk into feelings of self-acceptance, self-love and peace is a difficult but possible goal. It is a full challenge because once the circuits of self-judgment are open, they flow nearly continuously even when we are totally unaware.

The first step is becoming aware of our self-talk. It helps to have a close friend honestly give feedback on the words they hear us saying. Most likely, we are not even aware how abusive we are to ourselves. Once we have brought the light of awareness to our negative self-talk, it becomes our choice whether we wish to continue playing the record of self-destruction or choose a different backround musical to play. It can be infinitely different what plays out in our lives with a change of themes. We vibrate at a different level and we attract an entirely different cast of characters and realm of opportunities once we lay down the self-persecution.

I am currently in the process of trying to change my circuitry. It does NOT take long to realize how different life can be when we end the war with ourselves. Forgiving ourselves and stopping the incessant re-playing of our old self-hate tapes brings us into the present moment and in relationship with all the beauty that our world has to offer. Peace starts with ending the war with ourselves. Love and connection appear when the doors that walled us off are opened. Is today your day?

Comments

Anonymous said…
Dear Dr. Kalina: May God's Love and Peace be ever with you. You have benefited many with your work and you are loved and connected more than you can imagine.

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