Wow.I awoke today feeling better again. I did not sleep well due to anxiety over my new work ventures. However, I feel generally good--strong in a way I have not in many years. I have more energy, more zest and my gait is smoother. I had been truly hobbling for months. I have been "super-aware" of a lack of flow in my gait for years but the last few months were worse. I had pain in my left hip and was visibly "lame" for about 4 months. I knew I was deteriorating over this time but I could not stop it. I figured it was MS but it was just more of the same. I was working with a chiropracter to "adjust" my neck and spine but I continued to slide. I still resisted the standard approaches for MS because I was just too stubborn to try something I did not believe in. I was taking meds for sleep (still am) because I truly "lost" the ability to sleep. Even when I was not anxious, I never slept or dreamt. So, I turned to meds. Remeron helped in the fall. I got back to sleeping but I slid again and Remeron was not enough and my gait deteriorated. So I added Ativan.
With Ativan and Remeron, I slept hard(but never dreamt).
Now, I have life again. I am excited for the future. I want to write. I want to work. I want to share my experience(s) so others can benefit. Yes, I am still an anxious guy but there is an entirely different being living in my body. I don't want to over-dramatize. I am still me. I am still anxious but there is an energy that is coming back that was gone for years(maybe a decade).
My legs vary in their power, endurance,strength. They are not normal yet but there are moments that they feel what I remember to be normal. I still get tired after a relatively short distance(1/2 - 1 mile). The thought of running does not yet seem doable but I have hope and excitement.
I have been obsessive about my body and its decline for nearly a decade. I have taken meds(SSRI's) to try to control this without great results but I feel the pain of my decline evaporating. It is too early to tell where this will all go, but it all feels good right now. The negative obsessing; the dark cloud; the intense moodiness feel different. I feel like I have been truly liberated and I can't wait for more "opening" to evolve.
With Ativan and Remeron, I slept hard(but never dreamt).
Now, I have life again. I am excited for the future. I want to write. I want to work. I want to share my experience(s) so others can benefit. Yes, I am still an anxious guy but there is an entirely different being living in my body. I don't want to over-dramatize. I am still me. I am still anxious but there is an energy that is coming back that was gone for years(maybe a decade).
My legs vary in their power, endurance,strength. They are not normal yet but there are moments that they feel what I remember to be normal. I still get tired after a relatively short distance(1/2 - 1 mile). The thought of running does not yet seem doable but I have hope and excitement.
I have been obsessive about my body and its decline for nearly a decade. I have taken meds(SSRI's) to try to control this without great results but I feel the pain of my decline evaporating. It is too early to tell where this will all go, but it all feels good right now. The negative obsessing; the dark cloud; the intense moodiness feel different. I feel like I have been truly liberated and I can't wait for more "opening" to evolve.
Comments
Wishing you all the very best on the road to optimum health.
As we used to say: Keep the faith, baby! Have faith in yourself and your ability to make things happen the way you want them to. Never waiver from that faith and you will accomplish all that you want to. It has worked for me and I KNOW it is now working for you!
All my love to you, brother. Get well!
Bob