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A New Day

As I continue to improve albeit slowly, day-by-day, steadily; my thoughts come back to where they usually do -- how can I help people like me, people struggling with MS, people in general. Our medical world is so deeply wounded, it sometimes seems as there is no way out, no way to healing, no better path. However, I have now seen that I can get better; I am healing; the medical world did help me when I opened to its vast power.

First, I am going to explore my path and then I will look at helping others. I have spent so much of my adult life being frustrated and angry. There seemed to always be good reasons -- work did not fit my value system; my body was betraying me; my wife did not behave like I wanted. I feel very different now. My heart is open again. I see the world differently -- less cynically, less critically. The world is what it is; people are who they are. Money,autonomy, and comfort are very human goals and humans will always be attracted to these. In spite of this, there is a place for kindness, love, community and altruism. These goals are secondary in many circumstances because the other goals feed more primary needs. It does not mean that community, kindness, hope are any less important, they just cannot be pursued until primary goals are met.

With that said, I would say I have learned recently with my procedure and subsequent slow healing that, love and community and altruism are everywhere. They wait in the wings and often get pushed aside but they are omnipresent. It feels so good to be back in the arms of my friends and family. It brings me deep peace to be cared about by my "team". It is truly liberating to come out of a secret,private, little life of
isolation and "chronic crabbiness" and into a much bigger life of openness, love and honesty. While I am eternally grateful to the doctor who opened my blocked veins, I am equally grateful for the love that has come my way since I let down my self-imposed "wall of silence". There is no substitute for connection to the world and all the fruit it makes, holds and is ready to share.

Now while I am truly blessed to be living my life when the medical condition I fought with for over a decade has found a new, "real" cure. In reflecting on this "miracle", I have to give pause to let this fact sink in. I do also realize that there are miracles everywhere to be harvested. We live in truly magical times but often our eyes close to the miracles as we are overwhelmed with the simultaneous insanity that permeates each and every one of our lives. Yes, the medical system in America is broken. Yes, greed and selfishness hurt many of our beloved people on a daily basis. Yes, the pace of life is very often too fast to allow any appreciation of the awe and magic that surround each and every one of us.

However, as I have been deeply touched by healing hands and open hearts, I realize that I CAN(and truly want to) be a part of bringing peace, healing and love to my fellow travelers in this chaotic world. I want more than ever to help in any way I can to bring light to dark places and healing to wounded soldiers.

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