I have been granted an incredible gift. I have the great fortune to be able to begin my life anew. This gift is infinite in its scope and possibility. However, it carries with it a "newness" that is more than a little overwhelming to me. For so long, I have fit my life to the state of my energy level which sadly has been mostly depleted. Now, I once again have energy and the ability to live vigorously. Not only are my veins open, but so are my options. I no longer have to plan for rest and quiet from the storm. I can go charging into life with a reckless abandon that has been impossible for the past decade.
However, my mind is still limited in the face of a reborn body. Fear and limitation have been my life partners and they are holding on for dear life. They seem to crave paralysis and weakness. My racing, neurotic mind seems incapable of keeping up with a freed body. I have down-sized my dreams and expectations for my self in order to cope with my deflated energy level and power.
I want to break free. I need to break free. The world is open, alive and with never-ending potential but I am scared and constricted. My mind has conformed to the limits of my former body and I am frightened of the power which again resides within my grasp. I used to dream of "changing the medical model", of changing the world for the better. I feel inhibited in this pursuit now. I don't know where to start. I am scared to start but I absolutely must.
I have had all the therapy I need. I have insight into myself and my ways of being. I have knowledge and have had incredible teaching. All I need is to let my new body take me forward to where I know I need to go. My father always told me to believe in myself. It is my time to listen.
However, my mind is still limited in the face of a reborn body. Fear and limitation have been my life partners and they are holding on for dear life. They seem to crave paralysis and weakness. My racing, neurotic mind seems incapable of keeping up with a freed body. I have down-sized my dreams and expectations for my self in order to cope with my deflated energy level and power.
I want to break free. I need to break free. The world is open, alive and with never-ending potential but I am scared and constricted. My mind has conformed to the limits of my former body and I am frightened of the power which again resides within my grasp. I used to dream of "changing the medical model", of changing the world for the better. I feel inhibited in this pursuit now. I don't know where to start. I am scared to start but I absolutely must.
I have had all the therapy I need. I have insight into myself and my ways of being. I have knowledge and have had incredible teaching. All I need is to let my new body take me forward to where I know I need to go. My father always told me to believe in myself. It is my time to listen.
Comments
"What would you do if you knew you could not fail?"
I have been patiently waiting and praying for more than a decade to hear these words from you ~
“Now I once again have energy and the ability to live vigorously… I can go charging into life with a reckless abandon…”
You always held the faith knowing one day you will HEAL yourself, which you miraculously accomplished. Now tap into that same strong faith and know your dreams of “changing the medical model, of changing the world for the better” will also materialize~ do not down-size anything!
You’ve actually started the change with your blog! I love reading the comments from around the world of how people are using your blog to help them get the medical attention they so deserve. It’s so heart-warming.
The time is now to “recklessly abandon” the thoughts of fear and limitation. They are only thoughts. “All I need is to let my new body take me forward to where I know I need to go.”
You said it’s time to listen to your father’s words of believing in yourself. He will be so proud to witness you embrace “the power which again resides within my grasp”.
Allow yourself to step into that power… “I want to break free. I need to break free. The world is open, alive and with never-ending potential.”
“I am scared to start but I absolutely must…”
My prayers continue~
Mary