In my current model of helping people with their medical challenges, I have the opportunity to see things with "new" eyes. As I am not rushed, I can fully explore peoples' challenges from a medical, emotional and spiritual perspective. The results are fascinating and very worthy of sharing as I believe that "true" solutions can and do arise and major shifts can evolve. It is truly exciting.
At the core of my recent revelations is the age-old concept of "separation". We are separate people living in separate bodies living separate lives. Yes, this is undoubtedly true. However, some of us are particularly and quite strongly affected by this truth. Most notably, when life slows down as in the senior years or with illness or injury, loneliness can creep in (or storm in) and intensify and complicate the situation.
Many people are not adversely affected by being alone. People who received love and value from both of their parents, people from large, loving families, those whose life situations in their early youth were not defined by absence or neglect often can go through their entire lives without feeling the deep ache of loneliness. For others, being alone (or perceiving oneself as such) is an ongoing and recurrent life theme. It may not be a daily thought or feeling but when it comes up, it comes up hard and often in a hidden and dark form (illness, emotional distress, or chemical dependence).
It is NOT the purpose of this writing to overwhelm, depress or create suffering. Actually, quite the opposite. I truly believe that if this challenge (working with the root of suffering -- loneliness) along with the body or mind manifestation that is occurring can bring healing and restore health.
When someone carries with them a "core feeling of being separate and alone in the world", I believe that they then create their life to match this painful feeling. They push away love, support, caring and all the ingredients which make life rich and fulfilling. This may manifest as truly being alone or it also can be being alone in a "crowded room" (married but "walled off", surrounded by friends and family but feeling unknown and uncared for).
So how does one get to this place? I believe it starts in the early years (birth to age 6). The brain gets "hard-wired" for being alone and gets to feel comfortable in this deeply painful state. Life experiences later may compound this feeling but I believe the "wiring" is set early. Once the wiring is laid down, life tends to strengthen and re-inforce this wound. We create our lives around this core feeling; we keep ourselves separate even though connection is our food.
BUT, this is why we came to this great life -- to heal. People with this core wound have a mission and purpose and it is to re-connect with the one, the ever-present love and heal our wounded hearts. This is not small stuff; it is the meaning of life, the reason we were born. We are meant to heal and to be happy and to be loved but first, we must wake-up, become aware of our wound and then (and only then) can we get well.
The answer is not in a pill or from the medical world at all. It is not even in a support group (although that is heading in the right direction). The shift is all internal. It does not start from outside of us even in the form of loving people (although, that may be part of the solution down the road). The healing comes from inside when we realize our separateness and make a conscious, ongoing effort to "open the shade and let the light in". We have to open our hearts--the love is everywhere around us. Nature is love; people are love; this world is running over with love. It is our job (and the purpose of our lives) to let our hearts absorb and feel the love which is everywhere. We have to allow it in. It will take immense courage at the outset to open our hearts (we have been shut down for years and maybe lifetimes) but when we commit to taking responsibility for our own happiness by making this internal shift, it changes everything. We will have to "stay awake" and find ways to remember but connection will now be our companion wherever we go.
This is NOT about thinking... It is about feeling. We can't figure our way into or out of this...it is through the heart. It is a choice -- open or closed. Let love in or keep it out.
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