I have been noticing in my patients the incredible capacity for fear to "lock in" and perpetuate that which one is afraid of. For example, fear of falling (poor balance) makes balance much worse and makes falling more likely. It is a cruel but very common paradox. A patient has an intense and prolonged fear of not sleeping and indeed, his sleep is disturbed and inadequate for him. My friend has a fear of becoming disabled although she is one of the more capable and "solid" people that I know. Many seniors become overwhelmed with fear of Alzheimer's disease at the slightest sign of normal forgetting. The angst generated by this awareness seems to exacerbate the problem.
The old saying, "What you resist, persists" seems particularly applicable and foreshadowing. So, what to do? In my experience, the remedy for this conundrum has 3 parts. First, acknowledging and becoming aware of the fear is a necessity. This is often uncomfortable and difficult to talk about. However, it is the only way to start to move forward. Next, one must be willing to "go into the fear". Get to know it, explore its roots, talk to it. What is it all about? Where does it come from? Where is the fear felt in the body? It does not need to be analyzed, dissected or obsessed upon, but it needs to be felt and localized and "let into the body" as opposed to resisted and avoided. It is the running away from the fear that makes it bigger and more problematic. For example, fearing falling often makes one want to stay idle, not moving, rigid. Further, thinking about falling tends to make it happen. As a result, more stiffness, inflexibility and decreased adaptability ensue making everything worse.
The last, most important phase of resolving our fear "triggers" is to accept them once they have been acknowledged and let in the body. This involves making a commitment to accepting (as opposed to resisting and rejecting) the fear. Accepting does not mean giving into the fear or giving up on working on it. It means facing it and committing to "hang in there" with it and be with it in spite of the negative emotional reaction that arises. This is not easy or pleasant but it often leads to breakthroughs that did not evolve out of "fighting it" or being "mad at it". Acceptance is a more peaceful, graceful way to work with a block or stuck point than the old fashioned "plowing through it" and allows the negative emotions (anger, rejection and sadness) that most often block progress to be quieter and less intrusive. Acceptance is not denial; it is taking the negative emotional reaction out of the picture so that the body and mind can do what they need to do to learn a new way to work. Our minds and bodies have immense healing potential but this capacity is not set free if we are stuck in a war with ourselves. Non-judgmental and unconditional support and kindness to oneself works far better than "driving ourself with self-rejection".
The old saying, "What you resist, persists" seems particularly applicable and foreshadowing. So, what to do? In my experience, the remedy for this conundrum has 3 parts. First, acknowledging and becoming aware of the fear is a necessity. This is often uncomfortable and difficult to talk about. However, it is the only way to start to move forward. Next, one must be willing to "go into the fear". Get to know it, explore its roots, talk to it. What is it all about? Where does it come from? Where is the fear felt in the body? It does not need to be analyzed, dissected or obsessed upon, but it needs to be felt and localized and "let into the body" as opposed to resisted and avoided. It is the running away from the fear that makes it bigger and more problematic. For example, fearing falling often makes one want to stay idle, not moving, rigid. Further, thinking about falling tends to make it happen. As a result, more stiffness, inflexibility and decreased adaptability ensue making everything worse.
The last, most important phase of resolving our fear "triggers" is to accept them once they have been acknowledged and let in the body. This involves making a commitment to accepting (as opposed to resisting and rejecting) the fear. Accepting does not mean giving into the fear or giving up on working on it. It means facing it and committing to "hang in there" with it and be with it in spite of the negative emotional reaction that arises. This is not easy or pleasant but it often leads to breakthroughs that did not evolve out of "fighting it" or being "mad at it". Acceptance is a more peaceful, graceful way to work with a block or stuck point than the old fashioned "plowing through it" and allows the negative emotions (anger, rejection and sadness) that most often block progress to be quieter and less intrusive. Acceptance is not denial; it is taking the negative emotional reaction out of the picture so that the body and mind can do what they need to do to learn a new way to work. Our minds and bodies have immense healing potential but this capacity is not set free if we are stuck in a war with ourselves. Non-judgmental and unconditional support and kindness to oneself works far better than "driving ourself with self-rejection".
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