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Safety vs. Vulnerability

It feels good to feel safe. We live in a country that, for the most part, allows us to feel safe. Other than the 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon, we are protected. We can go most places without fear of robbery or attack. We are pretty much free to go about our business and pursue our dreams. That, of course, is all good. Recent attacks by "crazed" gunmen shakes us to our core but overall, we can return to our feelings of comfort and safety pretty quickly.

Safety is not just a feeling from outside invasion or random violence. Safety is feeling ok "deep down" in our daily lives. Illness shakes this security as does injuries or repeated falls. Anxiety is the term we use to describe the feeling of lack of safety --- fear. It does not feel good to most and seems to feed on itself. When the fear flags fly often, we can get afraid of being afraid. The chemical response in our bodies (adrenaline) is often uncomfortable and paralyzing or it makes one want to run away and hide. Some people have a "hard-wired" fear hyper-response. This can come from early childhood experiences of unsafety, threat and harm or it can be a neurochemical response to chronic stress or recurrent danger (physical, emotional, financial, etc).

Feeling unsafe or insecure can often lead to a drive to seek safety at all cost. Though understandable, this behavior pattern limits life and the joy of living that we all seek. When we keep ourselves protected at all costs, we lose A LOT! We often do not realize how much we are losing by staying safe. Freedom, joy and happiness all involve breaking through fear and the behavior patterns that seem to keep us safe and secure. Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable is the path to breaking through the walls of fear.

Vulnerability sounds "scary" and unsafe but it is the door we have to walk through to get to the positive states mentioned above. I am not proposing that we go to dangerous neighborhoods or put ourselves in harm's way. I am talking about "putting ourselves out there" emotionally. This may sound as frightening to some as entering a dangerous neighborhood. It is very common to fear talking in groups or in public. However, the prize of speaking our truth and letting our real selves be known is enormous. When we open our hearts and let the "real" us be known, we connect with others on an entirely different level. So much of the falseness of everyday superficial conversation falls away when we lower our guard and let ourselves be known. There is an entirely different level of knowing people when conversations become "real" and people allow their true selves to be seen. Our brain circuits "fire" in new and healthy ways and our bodies learn new ways of being that are expansive and fun.

Far too often, people feel that this kind of transparency will lead to a dangerous or uncomfortable place but, in my experience, being known leads to higher levels of intimacy and closeness. Relationships get richer and more fulfilling and there is a new level of connection that arrives with this whole-hearted openness. While it may take practice to open up and break through usual superficial conversations and protective armor, the skill can quickly be mastered and shared. New horizons are the prize and a life without limits can open up. There is truly a new world waiting to be experienced if and when we can let ourselves be ourselves.

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